Round 15: Mount Pocono
The tricky triangle at Pocono is already a distinctly different track. The treacherous triangle at Mount Pocono, which was build as a replica of the former, by MAD Corporation, is nothing short of mind-numblingly eejitacious. The inside of Turn 1 is the lowest point on the track before the insane climb up the mountain to the Mountain Turn of Turn 2, before a flat out run though Turn 3 and back down the front straight; where speeds of 240 mph are commonplace.
This place has been likened in the past to the world's stupidest roller-coaster and like the world's maddest soap-box derby track.
Holden Motor Corp. had a plan this weekend, they were going to debut their packages for Le Mans and Bathurst, then see if they could any kind of early speed out of them, tweak it, and cuss all the consquences. If Holden ended up with all of their cars scoring no points at all, then it would be no different to the previous few weeks. This weekend would be either about swinging for the fences, or ploughing into them.
Jack Raymond put the #88 machine on pole and managed speeds of a shade over 240mph down the front stretch by lap 4 but that involved banging off the rev limiter and the car duly exploded and failed on lap 6. Kane McKane in the #37 Target entry, found that he could fight his way up through the field pretty easily but that cam at the expense of wearing out the tyres in a hurry. His race was more of an experimental run more than anything else.
This left Mario Mario as the most logical Holden driver who might score a result this weekend, and as a privateer with autonomy, he was prepared to accept the suite of new untested equipment but because he did not have the budget of the others, he was not prepared to pound it into the dirt to see where it failed. Still, when the two Holdens in front of him failed by about the end of lap 10, he was Johnny-On-The-Spot; with Konata Izumi in the legacy Datsun and curiously Jessie Musashi who was having a relatively fun weekend, in third place.
The 120 lap slugfest at Mount Pocono was so abrasive on front right hand tyres that the only sensible strategy would be to split the race into three and pit on laps 40 and 80. Mario led the field during the first round of green flag pitstops but overshot his pitbox and that proved to be enough to resign him to never leading another lap for the day. Miles Prower again showed an uncanny amount of speed as he had done at Trenton and he ran into a purlple patch; posting purple sectors and purple lap times.
Prower assumed the lead on lap 41 and then led every lap from 41, including beyond the second round of pitstops starting at lap 79, until lap 87 when trouble broke out behind him. Calamity and chaos leaked out all over the place between the Mountain Turn and Turn 3 and Prower would lose the lead off of the restart on lap 93 to Mario Mario.
That incident demands a more in-depth explaination.
Heading out of the Moutain Turn and back down the hill into Turn 3, there appeared to be an act of revenge carried out by Koffing in the #109 Chevrolet against Strong Bad's #78 Ford Falcon. Koffing janked right across the track in a perfectly executed move to hook the Ford, and the two of them slid down the hill and into the barrier on the inside. In doing so, a bunch of cars checked up behind them, resulting in a stack up and a bunch of cars suffering nose and tail damage and paying the outside wall a visit.
The audio at the time of the incident is only marked with two words:
"Koff.. Koffing!"
Not only is it unknowable exactly what Koffing means with any part of his speech, but the teams who have prepped his car over the years are also unsure how he manages to drive a car with no legs and arms. Rules also stipulate that in the case of non-humanoid competitors (such as robots and whatever the hell Koffing is), that cars must be fitted with wire mesh Faraday Cages. It is also unknown if a Faraday Cage has any effect whatsoever on what is presumed to be a psychic effect when Koffing drives the car.
"I'd like-a to say... Holy Crap!
That bag of gas is going to find himself having to explain himself to my fists in the car park later"
- Strong Bad, to U62-TV.
For his part, Strong Bad would not accept any responsibility for previous actions which had happened on track when he arrived back at the infield care centre. The only thigs bruised were his ego and his temper and he was utterly livid; going so far as to say that Koffing should have his licence revoked.
"Do you accept Strong Bad's statement that you should have your licence taken away?"
"Koff, koff koff koff... ko koff koff. Koff koffing, kof koff? Ko, ko koff!"
- Interview with Koffing, on U62-TV.
Post race inspection of the footage from both cars and the TV broadcast, indicated that for the three laps prior to the incident, Strong Bad had been given Koffing taps in the rear bumper going down the main straight and the overtaking move which had happened on that same lap 76, was because Strong Bad had bumped Koffing out of the way going through Turn 1, causing the #109 Chevrolet to tail wag and hit the wall on exit.
Post race tech inspection also revealed that both the right hand side steering arm and a rear right toe link had been broken when the #109 bruised the wall. It is also unknown whether or not whatever psychic ability Koffing has, extends to knowing about the mechanical integrity of his motor car. Either way, the psychic ball of gas knew exactly what was happening to him and presumably dealt out an exact amount of revenge.
Strong Bad was seen in the paddock attempting to beat up on Koffing with his fists, but the floating ball of gas merely looked smug as the blows amounted to nothing at all. They appeared to have reconciled their differences because even further into the race they were both seen sitting underneath the umbrellas at the Rejkavic Warm Ones pavillion, with some warm ones. Again it is unknown how a ball like Koffing picks up bottles; nor is it known what happens to the liquid once he has drunk it.
After the restart, Mario Mario again tried to command the lead but was passed on lap 97 by Miles Prower heading up the hill towards the Mountain Turn and Prower himself would be passed a lap later by Ugly Arbuckle who had risen up through the field from 11th and got an amazing run down the hill and used his momentum to roll the outside going through Turn 3.
Prower could sit behind the Chevrolet but Toyota power was simply not not enough to get close, either going up the mountain or down the front straight. It did not help that Mario Mario and Walter Kronkyet both had amazing traction coming out of Turn 3 and would try to force the issue going into Turn 1, but Prower was able to shut the door. It would be these repeated attempts to shut down the runs from behind, which meant that he could not attack the orange Chevrolet, which slowly drifted away into the distance.
Having threatened with speed at Ontario and never quite capitalising on it, the works Chevrolet team finally broke through and Garfield "Ugly" Arbuckle Jr. scored his maiden win. In days of old, Garfield Arbuckle Sr. had taken the #6 to victory and even challenged the likes of Nigel Levins and Patrick Mann to the edge of championships but they never materialised for him. Ugly, being the one of seven sons, was cheered on by an ecstatic orange crew.
With the added help of coming off of the Mountain and being able to practically go full throttle through Turn 3, the #9 Halfords Chevrolet topped out at the fastest speed ever seen in any round of The Goof at 249mph. Of course this has raised significant concerns about the safety of the cars and the tracks used.
Behind him, another orange car put in a commendable performance which on any other day may have bagged a win. Miles Prower finished 37 seconds behind Arbuckle Jr. and was in danger of falling into the clutches of Mario Mario, before the latter was involved in a late-race dice with Walter Kronkyet. The two Holden drivers running slightly different spec equipment (VH and VJ) found that because they were both using the Holden 305 motor, that neither of them had any advantage anywhere over the other.
Behind them, Kayleigh McAlpine drove an anonymous yet productive race to add to her tally at the top of the table; with a 5th place and 4 useful points.
Points Awarded Round 15:
15 - Ugly Arbuckle
10 - Miles Prower
8 - Mario Mario
6 - Walter Kronkyet
4 - Kayleigh McAlpine
3 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
2 - Hochi Samyang
1 - Oglivy Hedgehog
The biggest bombshell of the weekend happened not on track but after the race when two-time champion Patrick Mann announced that he would retire effective immediately.
"I am just not interested in rolling around and competing week in and out for minor points places occasionally. My drive is gone. The fire is out.
Now before you all go crazy, I have already lined up my replacement. You've all seen him in the garages for years and we're going to give him his first ever start, next round at Le Mans.
The driver of the number 22 for Le Mans will be... Paxton Mann."
- Patrick Mann to Dave Vegemite on the "Vegemite and Mandarin Show", WITZ 620am.
Paxton Mann, known around the garages as Pac-Man Junior, at just 16 years old will be the youngest ever starter of a Goof race. The McIllan twins of Natalie and Ellie both debuted after their 18th birthday; so Paxton easily beats that record. Apparently Paxton had been testing the car at the Matsushita Electrodrome and had been turning in faster laps than his father. It must be said though, turning laps by yourself at a short track and racing at one of the longest tracks, are very different things. Starting in an endurance race as a debut is a very big ask.
Top 20 After 15 Rounds:
49 Kayleigh McAlpine
43 Jack Raymond
40 Morgan Inkling
39 Mario Mario
37 Kane McKane
35 Al Yankovic
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
28 Jean-Luc Pikachu
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Asuka Langley
26 Bruno Gourdo
26 Miles Prower
24 Bandit Heeler
24 Walter Kronkyet
21 Chloe Ankha
19 Konata Izumi
19 Sticks Baja
18 Tse Sakamoto
18 Stanley Spidalski
17 Dr George Claw
The next round is the Le Mans 3 Hours, which will be held on 20th August.
The tricky triangle at Pocono is already a distinctly different track. The treacherous triangle at Mount Pocono, which was build as a replica of the former, by MAD Corporation, is nothing short of mind-numblingly eejitacious. The inside of Turn 1 is the lowest point on the track before the insane climb up the mountain to the Mountain Turn of Turn 2, before a flat out run though Turn 3 and back down the front straight; where speeds of 240 mph are commonplace.
This place has been likened in the past to the world's stupidest roller-coaster and like the world's maddest soap-box derby track.
Holden Motor Corp. had a plan this weekend, they were going to debut their packages for Le Mans and Bathurst, then see if they could any kind of early speed out of them, tweak it, and cuss all the consquences. If Holden ended up with all of their cars scoring no points at all, then it would be no different to the previous few weeks. This weekend would be either about swinging for the fences, or ploughing into them.
Jack Raymond put the #88 machine on pole and managed speeds of a shade over 240mph down the front stretch by lap 4 but that involved banging off the rev limiter and the car duly exploded and failed on lap 6. Kane McKane in the #37 Target entry, found that he could fight his way up through the field pretty easily but that cam at the expense of wearing out the tyres in a hurry. His race was more of an experimental run more than anything else.
This left Mario Mario as the most logical Holden driver who might score a result this weekend, and as a privateer with autonomy, he was prepared to accept the suite of new untested equipment but because he did not have the budget of the others, he was not prepared to pound it into the dirt to see where it failed. Still, when the two Holdens in front of him failed by about the end of lap 10, he was Johnny-On-The-Spot; with Konata Izumi in the legacy Datsun and curiously Jessie Musashi who was having a relatively fun weekend, in third place.
The 120 lap slugfest at Mount Pocono was so abrasive on front right hand tyres that the only sensible strategy would be to split the race into three and pit on laps 40 and 80. Mario led the field during the first round of green flag pitstops but overshot his pitbox and that proved to be enough to resign him to never leading another lap for the day. Miles Prower again showed an uncanny amount of speed as he had done at Trenton and he ran into a purlple patch; posting purple sectors and purple lap times.
Prower assumed the lead on lap 41 and then led every lap from 41, including beyond the second round of pitstops starting at lap 79, until lap 87 when trouble broke out behind him. Calamity and chaos leaked out all over the place between the Mountain Turn and Turn 3 and Prower would lose the lead off of the restart on lap 93 to Mario Mario.
That incident demands a more in-depth explaination.
Heading out of the Moutain Turn and back down the hill into Turn 3, there appeared to be an act of revenge carried out by Koffing in the #109 Chevrolet against Strong Bad's #78 Ford Falcon. Koffing janked right across the track in a perfectly executed move to hook the Ford, and the two of them slid down the hill and into the barrier on the inside. In doing so, a bunch of cars checked up behind them, resulting in a stack up and a bunch of cars suffering nose and tail damage and paying the outside wall a visit.
The audio at the time of the incident is only marked with two words:
"Koff.. Koffing!"
Not only is it unknowable exactly what Koffing means with any part of his speech, but the teams who have prepped his car over the years are also unsure how he manages to drive a car with no legs and arms. Rules also stipulate that in the case of non-humanoid competitors (such as robots and whatever the hell Koffing is), that cars must be fitted with wire mesh Faraday Cages. It is also unknown if a Faraday Cage has any effect whatsoever on what is presumed to be a psychic effect when Koffing drives the car.
"I'd like-a to say... Holy Crap!
That bag of gas is going to find himself having to explain himself to my fists in the car park later"
- Strong Bad, to U62-TV.
For his part, Strong Bad would not accept any responsibility for previous actions which had happened on track when he arrived back at the infield care centre. The only thigs bruised were his ego and his temper and he was utterly livid; going so far as to say that Koffing should have his licence revoked.
"Do you accept Strong Bad's statement that you should have your licence taken away?"
"Koff, koff koff koff... ko koff koff. Koff koffing, kof koff? Ko, ko koff!"
- Interview with Koffing, on U62-TV.
Post race inspection of the footage from both cars and the TV broadcast, indicated that for the three laps prior to the incident, Strong Bad had been given Koffing taps in the rear bumper going down the main straight and the overtaking move which had happened on that same lap 76, was because Strong Bad had bumped Koffing out of the way going through Turn 1, causing the #109 Chevrolet to tail wag and hit the wall on exit.
Post race tech inspection also revealed that both the right hand side steering arm and a rear right toe link had been broken when the #109 bruised the wall. It is also unknown whether or not whatever psychic ability Koffing has, extends to knowing about the mechanical integrity of his motor car. Either way, the psychic ball of gas knew exactly what was happening to him and presumably dealt out an exact amount of revenge.
Strong Bad was seen in the paddock attempting to beat up on Koffing with his fists, but the floating ball of gas merely looked smug as the blows amounted to nothing at all. They appeared to have reconciled their differences because even further into the race they were both seen sitting underneath the umbrellas at the Rejkavic Warm Ones pavillion, with some warm ones. Again it is unknown how a ball like Koffing picks up bottles; nor is it known what happens to the liquid once he has drunk it.
After the restart, Mario Mario again tried to command the lead but was passed on lap 97 by Miles Prower heading up the hill towards the Mountain Turn and Prower himself would be passed a lap later by Ugly Arbuckle who had risen up through the field from 11th and got an amazing run down the hill and used his momentum to roll the outside going through Turn 3.
Prower could sit behind the Chevrolet but Toyota power was simply not not enough to get close, either going up the mountain or down the front straight. It did not help that Mario Mario and Walter Kronkyet both had amazing traction coming out of Turn 3 and would try to force the issue going into Turn 1, but Prower was able to shut the door. It would be these repeated attempts to shut down the runs from behind, which meant that he could not attack the orange Chevrolet, which slowly drifted away into the distance.
Having threatened with speed at Ontario and never quite capitalising on it, the works Chevrolet team finally broke through and Garfield "Ugly" Arbuckle Jr. scored his maiden win. In days of old, Garfield Arbuckle Sr. had taken the #6 to victory and even challenged the likes of Nigel Levins and Patrick Mann to the edge of championships but they never materialised for him. Ugly, being the one of seven sons, was cheered on by an ecstatic orange crew.
With the added help of coming off of the Mountain and being able to practically go full throttle through Turn 3, the #9 Halfords Chevrolet topped out at the fastest speed ever seen in any round of The Goof at 249mph. Of course this has raised significant concerns about the safety of the cars and the tracks used.
Behind him, another orange car put in a commendable performance which on any other day may have bagged a win. Miles Prower finished 37 seconds behind Arbuckle Jr. and was in danger of falling into the clutches of Mario Mario, before the latter was involved in a late-race dice with Walter Kronkyet. The two Holden drivers running slightly different spec equipment (VH and VJ) found that because they were both using the Holden 305 motor, that neither of them had any advantage anywhere over the other.
Behind them, Kayleigh McAlpine drove an anonymous yet productive race to add to her tally at the top of the table; with a 5th place and 4 useful points.
Points Awarded Round 15:
15 - Ugly Arbuckle
10 - Miles Prower
8 - Mario Mario
6 - Walter Kronkyet
4 - Kayleigh McAlpine
3 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
2 - Hochi Samyang
1 - Oglivy Hedgehog
The biggest bombshell of the weekend happened not on track but after the race when two-time champion Patrick Mann announced that he would retire effective immediately.
"I am just not interested in rolling around and competing week in and out for minor points places occasionally. My drive is gone. The fire is out.
Now before you all go crazy, I have already lined up my replacement. You've all seen him in the garages for years and we're going to give him his first ever start, next round at Le Mans.
The driver of the number 22 for Le Mans will be... Paxton Mann."
- Patrick Mann to Dave Vegemite on the "Vegemite and Mandarin Show", WITZ 620am.
Paxton Mann, known around the garages as Pac-Man Junior, at just 16 years old will be the youngest ever starter of a Goof race. The McIllan twins of Natalie and Ellie both debuted after their 18th birthday; so Paxton easily beats that record. Apparently Paxton had been testing the car at the Matsushita Electrodrome and had been turning in faster laps than his father. It must be said though, turning laps by yourself at a short track and racing at one of the longest tracks, are very different things. Starting in an endurance race as a debut is a very big ask.
Top 20 After 15 Rounds:
49 Kayleigh McAlpine
43 Jack Raymond
40 Morgan Inkling
39 Mario Mario
37 Kane McKane
35 Al Yankovic
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
28 Jean-Luc Pikachu
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Asuka Langley
26 Bruno Gourdo
26 Miles Prower
24 Bandit Heeler
24 Walter Kronkyet
21 Chloe Ankha
19 Konata Izumi
19 Sticks Baja
18 Tse Sakamoto
18 Stanley Spidalski
17 Dr George Claw
The next round is the Le Mans 3 Hours, which will be held on 20th August.