The Goof 20X4

[Rollo75]

Round 1 - The Sunshine 300 - Daytona
- brought to you by: George Takei's Favourite Phrase - "Oh my." George Takei's Favourite Phrase. It's the phrase that pays this week on WITZ 620am

The Goof for 20X4 adopted a different bodyshell to what was being run in 20X2 and 20X3. Underneath the panels would be the same mother chassis and control gearbox and hybrid system, as well as the 5L V8 engines used in previous years, but the passenger cell was more closely dimensionally similar to the GNS55 cars from a few seasons' before.

Seven manufacturers showed up, each with six cars a piece, and six additional drivers would be making part-time starts. Pontiac, Vauxhall, Ford, Mercury, Toyota, Mazda and Wartburg, each ran six cars, with piecemeal entries from Dodge, AMC, and Holden.

The format for this weekend was as in seasons before with two heat races on Saturday and the Feature Race on Sunday. 48 cars does not go into a starting grid of 40; so the top 20 from each of the two heat races would get a ticket to the big dance; with one guaranteed spot in the Feature Race for Kayleigh McAlpine as the 20X3 Champion. The two races would be 50 laps, which made them a 125-mile sprint. It is actually possible to go all 125 miles without a stop but in practice this has never happened.

Heat 1:

Starting the championship in Florida in December would on the face of it appear to be a sensible idea. Mother Nature in her wisdom decided that even the most sensible of plans could be thwarted and so a cold snap arrived on Wednesday, followed by a very heavy dusting on snow on Thursday and Friday. After constant spinning of cars in Friday Practice and several cars posting dud times in Satuday Qualifying, a drivers' meeting demanded that caution flag rules be dropped and that the two heat races on Saturday and the round proper on Sunday be run to no flags and no lights, because reracking cars after cautions would lead to the tearing up of even more equipment than what was already being torn up. Goof Management agreed to this and as such, all three races during the weekend would be run according to so-called "open bullring rules".




It took exactly two laps to unleash madness upon the icy surface. Drivers reported that the amount of grip that they were getting was nowhere near like it would be under race conditions and with temperatures below zero celcius, they weren't coming up to temperature either. Not even lower air pressures would help, as a greater contact patch merely led to extra aquaplaning.

On lap two, Stripe Heeler in the Blue Sky Mining Falcon, slid way across the nose of fellow Falcon driver Kurt Langer and the #73 BASF machine was sent hopelessly spinning out of Turn 4 like it was on a merry-go-round. He held on for the ride but was clobbered by Robert Dee in the #333 AMC, and Hatsune Miku's Toyota.

As there would be no caution flags thrown, the field had to make their way through as best they can and as Sticks Baja, Ellie McIllan and Stripe Heeler were already ahead of the pinball fury being played out, they were the likely winners of the heat race.

Sticks Baja would draw out a lead early but on lap 7, she would become one of many victims of the icy surface. She tried to pull up and avoid Xavier Zangoose's Toyota (in possibly her old ride) and in doing so, she dove to the bottom of the racetrack and the rear end broke out from underneath her; sending the #6 Chevrolet into the fence at Turn 4. Hers was one of many similar tales in this race. She was soon passed by Ellie McIllan and Stripe Heeler.



Apart from a scare at the beginning of the race, Stripe Heeler knew that he had a fast Ford all weekend. In the opening laps of the race he passed Robie Robie who is now in a Vauxhall an Bob Nikoban's Toyota, to assume the lead. All the while, shadowing him like a black menace, was Ellie McIllan who is also in a Ford. After winning the championship on debut, McIllan has had three disappointing seasons and so is looking to set the compass heading back to winning ways.

Even though this was just a heat race, there was no pretending that this was a hard-fought contest. Even though the track was icy and there was snow about, average lap speeds still exceeded 210mph. In going that fast, fuel burn rates were way through the roof and therein lies the paradox of this race. Do you go flat out and then hope to draw out enough time and space to make a fuel stop, or do you conserve and make the time back up when the leaders pit?

On lap 25, Ellie McIllan who happened to be in front, decided to chop the race in half and pit for more tyres and fuel. Stripe Heeler followed her. Unfortunately today, this strategy did not pay dividends as McIllan would finish the race in 14th and Stripe would pass her on the last lap for 13th. Both would be well above the cut line of 20th.




What was confusing about this race was trying to work out the mental gynastics required to beat the paradox of going flat out on ice, yet not sliding off into the fences and becoming a giant piece of instant rubbish. The second irony was that cars who had kissed the wall invariably went slower; thus improving their fuel efficiency and forcing them to drive to the end without a stop. Every single car from 12th and forwards had suffered at least some battle damage from having slid into the wall and being forced to drive slower. In doing so, this is where the Heat 1 Race Winner was found.

Al Yankovic ploughed into the rear end of Jeb Brown's Dodge in the opening phase but would go on to ironically led lap 26. Immediately he was passed by Robie Robie who slowly drew out a lead until on lap 35 he harmlessly looped his Vauxhall coming out of Turn 2.

This gave the lead to Oglivy Hedgehog, who had showed similar speeds at both Daytona and Ontario in 20X3 and it was expected that he would go on to win the race but he too slid up the race track coming out of Turn 4 and became yet another victim of this place.

Konata Izumi who this year is driving for McAlpine Motorsport in a Mercury Seven and Judge John Judd in the second of the Team Osko Mazda 989s then had the unexpected hope of winning the race handed to them. The interesting thing about the Brilliant Resources 11 chassis that The Goof has picked for 20X4 and 20X5 is that the end plates on the rear wing mean that the cars are more stable and track better in a straight line. As such, Judge John Judd merely held back and waited; only passing Izumi on lap 50 of 50, after pulling out of the draft and making the maneuver through Turn 3. You only need to lead one lap of a race to win and it is the last one.

In doing so Judd won his maiden victory, even if it is only a Heat Race. This meant that for a very short period of time, he would lead the standings.

Heat 1 Points Awarded:
5 - Judge John Judd
3 - Konata Izumi
2 - Oglivy Hedgehog
1 - Robie Robie

The four drivers to be eliminated were Hatsune Miku, Eggatha Robotnik, Dr George Claw, and Robert Dee.

 

[Rollo75]

Heat 2:

Heat 2 wasn't as brutal in terms of sheer carnage but on this cold Saturday, Daytona International Speedway was not prepared to play nice.



The race's first proper victim was Henri Cornelius in the #91 Vauxhall who managed to tag the wall in Turn 3 and spent the rest of the race chugging around with palls of black smoke behind him. He very politely stayed to the outside of the racetrack but Ugly Arbuckle went under him and was collected broadside by Andy Rollo who overcorrected and skewed across the tri-oval's grass section.

The #75 OMO Holden struck the #9 Cazoo Pontiac in the tail and although Rollo was sent careeening upside-down, Arbuckle merely spun a bit with a damaged car and kept going. Rollo was distraught that what might be only one of a few starts that he has in 20X4 was over after just 19 miles. Arbuckle on the other hand, spent the rest of race talking to his dad over the radio and trying to produce meaningful data that could improve the other five Pontiacs.

For a while Miles Prower in the #7 Breville Vauxhall led the race and tried valliantly to hold back Bandit Heeler but it was obvious that the Heeler Brothers had built two very fine Falcons which were flying fast. Heeler took over the lead on Lap 4 and then inched out a lead that just got bigger and bigger as the race wore on.



Winner of the last round on the sands of Daytona Beach last season, Jimmy Kohler led proceedings from lap 25 when the leaders pulled off the circuit for more fuel and fresh tyres and he like could have made it work if it wasn't for the fact that he panicked as he saw he lead being eaten away in the closing stages.

Kohler was one of a number of drivers who formed a committee that successfully argued that drivers on a part time schedule should be awarded points and any proper prize money and benefits that come with it. Management agreed to the list demands but stressed that at most venues where there were limited spots, there may only be one place for an unannounced driver.

It wasn't until lap 45 that Bandit Heeler, having pitted at the half way point, had scraped back enough time to make the pass back for the lead. His brother Stripe had not made the strategy work in the other heat race but Bandit, without changing anything at all, should have made it work here.

Kohler who is running a part-time schedule, is running a car from the central pool with the unbranded Goof 305 V8. The #83 machine is listed as being an AMC, though it is highly unlikely that AMC is supplying him with any know-how. Kohler finished 6th in the Heat which would be enough to score points in a regular race but not here, when only the top four score points.



In fact it was only because of an unforced error when Bandit slid up the racetrack at Turn 3, that he joined the ranks of those who had gone before him. What was a four second lead instanly evaporated and right behind him was Ziggy Moonglow in the #02 Moonglow Whiskey Dodge.

If the case wasn't made last season with Kohler's win at Daytona Beach, it certainly was now. Ziggy Moonglow who is a champion in another series and in a car built by the central pool and then engineered by a team running only a part-time schedule, won on debut; and in conditions which he had likely never seen before. To call this remarkable is several degrees of understatement.

Immediately questions were being raised about the level of talent in The Goof and that maybe the series is not quite as stellar as previously thought. Moonglow tried to play it down in post race interviews but the fact remained that he had won on debut; which is a rare feat.

Behind Moonglow was James Kojira who was making his debut in the seat previously occupied by Jessie Musashi last year. His third place is a credible beginning and might be indicative of what is yet to come. Still further behin him was Morgan Inkling; marking off a successful seat of heat races for the team from Fukushima. Inkling was the first of the drivers who went through the race without pitting; deciding that conserving fuel was possible and running to a set lap time.

Points Awarded Heat 2:

5 - Ziggy Moonglow'
3 - Bandit Heeler
2 - James Kojira
1 - Morgan Inkling

The four drivers who were eliminated from the Feature race were Andy Rollo who obviously had the accident, Ricardo Sasquini whose engine in his Mazda terminally let go for unknown reasons, and surprisingly Bernie Bernie and Henri Cornelius who were both passed by Ugly Arbuckle.

 

[Rollo75]

The Main Feature Race

Starting on the inside of the front row, Ziggy Moonglow was in prime position to capitalise on his opening heat race. As cars rolled out of Turn 1 though, the pack formed into an organised line on the high side; behind Robie Robie, Ugly Arbuckle, and Oglivy Hedgehog. Moonglow if he wasn't careful, would take the elevator to 20th by the end of the first lap.



Instead of taking the elevator to 20th on lap one, Moonglow took the elevator to the sky on lap two when Robie who wasn't sure about the grip in his tyres, slid up the race track coming through the tri-oval and Greg Rellings who wasn't expecting the Dodge in front of him to check up, ploughed straight into the back of him.

In the immediate carnage was Ugly Arbuckle, Paxton Mann, Jeb Brown and Stanley Spildaski who provided the actual impact to shoot Moonglow into the sky. Ellie McIllan in the Texaco Falcon had nowhere to go and punted the rear end of defending series' champion Kayleigh McAlpine. Somehow Bob Nikoban who never even lifted off the throttle, poked his way through the carnage ahead and came through the centre of the whirlwind completely unscathed.

Had this been under normal circumstances there would have been a caution thrown but the agreed rules for the weekend meant that there were only local yellow flags and the race went ahead as normal. Robie continued to lead the race as though nothing had happened behind him and it was up to the chasing pack to try and do anything about it.

And chase him down they did. Robie led the opening 17 laps and tried to build up a buffer but as he had been running up front in clean air and doing all of the work of punching a hole in it by himself, the team called him in on lap 38 and he gave up the lead.



This race was going to be played out on strategy. As a 120 lap race over 300 miles, there arose a question of if the the drivers could make the tyres last 150 miles on the icy surface. With very reduced track temperatures and what seemed like a lowering of friction, it seemed possible. At about lap 40, the teams who had decided to turn this into a two stop race, all came in at the same time. If anyone could stretch out fuel consumption and tyre wear to 50 or even 60 laps, then they could run longer at the end and maybe get something of an overcut with a splash-and-dash to the line.

Three drivers who tried this strategy were Billy Highbank in the #51 Castrol Mercury, the #37 Golden Fleece of Kane McKane, and Marnie Roxy's #960 Goodsmile Toyota. As Highbank's from 20X3 had been pulled out of circulation by Team UZKA, they had given him a brand new chassis. This particular chassis was originally earmarked to become a #62 car mid-season but given that Higbank put it to excellent use this quickly, that will certainly not be the case now. He held the lead fro, lap 38 until when he pulled down into pit land ten laps later.

This left McKane and Roxy to squabble over the lead and their two cars had vastly different personalities. McKane complained about a tight condition and was forced to run a higher line which he did not like. Roxy on the other hand was running a tail happy car because she had realised in the heat race that an icy superspeedway was a lot like driving on a dirt short track. McKane came in on lap 52 and made wedge and track bar adjustemnts; which left Roxy in command of the race by herself and she proved that she could make the tank of fuel last 60 laps.

This is where things got interesting. Highbank blended back into 4th place. McKane blended back onto the racetrack with an almost empty back stretch in front of him, in 3rd place with Highbank in front of him. Marnie Roxy would run long twice in the race and finally pitted on lap 116 after holding down 5th for a very long time, but her last spalsh of fuel meant that she surrendered all hope of gaining any points.



Perhaps the extraordinary thing about this race was not who won but the manner in which they did it. Oglivy Hedgehog who had come in third in his heat race, had been reasonably quick all weekend. The Team Principal for the Chevrolet team, Garfield Arbuckle< had given him an entirely orthodox strategy and so he was utterly perplexed when during the washout of pitstops on lap 80, he was sitting in 4th place behind Roxy, Highbank and McKane. Hedgehog was massively annoyed when he rejoined the race and was able to see the leaders but his own teammate was in the way.

McKane would peel off to the pits on lap 100 to make his final stop and so he was pretty much out of the running; so the question would be whether or not the car in front of him, that being the Mercury of Billy Highbank, could make his own stop for fuel and rejoin back in the lead. Highbank pitted on lap 109 of 120 and rejoined the race in the lead but found that he hed Hedgehog right behind him.

This had all the hallmarks of looking as though it would be one of the all time classics of The Goof, in this the 30th season, but this was not gonig to be the case. The orders came from the top of the Chevrolet box to Hochi Samyang in the #4 Chevrolet to block Highbank and with her causing just enough of a problem, Hedgehog used her as a pick and shot down the inside of the racetrack into Turn 3.

Thus this race ended with Hedgehog crossing the line comfortably in front of Highbank, McKane, Talon Claw who was making his very first start for Team MAD, Antony D'Tigrette and Judge John Judd who was the last car on the lead lap. Hedgehog's season has started about as well as it did in 20X3 and maybe this season is the season that the works Chevrolet team finally breaks through and wins a championship. Who knows? Maybe after more than 20 seasons of trying as a driver, Garfield Arbuckle will now do the job as the Team Principal.

Points Awarded Feature Race:

15 - Ogvliy Hedgehog
12 - Billy Highbank
10 - Kane McKane
8 - Talon Claw
6 - Antony D'Tigrette
5 - Judge John Judd
4 - Mario Mario
3 - Stripe Heeler
2 - Al Yankovic
1 - Koffing

Points Standings After Round 1:

17 - Ogvliy Hedgehog
12 - Billy Highbank
10 - Judge John Judd
10 - Kane McKane
8 - Talon Claw
6 - Antony D'Tigrette
5 - Ziggy Moonglow
4 - Mario Mario
3 - Konata Izumi
3 - Bandit Heeler
3 - Stripe Heeler
2 - Bruno Gourdo
2 - Al Yankovic
1 - Robie Robie
1 - Morgan Inkling
1 - Koffing

Round 2 will be held at Atlanta Motor Speedway on the 14th of January.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 2 - The Peachtree 300 - Atlanta Motor Speedway
- brought to you by Pirate Lotto. 57 numbers, more numbers to choose from; more ways to fail. Pirate Lotto: We Hope You Lose. Yaaaarrrr!

If the unseasonally cold wealther in Florida was awful, then the Georgian skies couldn't have been any more in contrast. The former Olympic city turned on a dose of southern hospitality as it provided clear skies and temperatures in the low 20s.



Pole sitter Kuki Muensta again proved that the Pontiacs were quick out of the box. Hedgehog hadn't done particularly well in qualifying (only managing 11th) and Samyang scored no time at all after the hybrid system shut down in the Saturday morning practice session but, Muensta, Arbuckle, d'Tigrette and Baja all put their Pontiacs in the top ten. After the green flag droppd on race day though, what may have been qualifying speed didn't quite equate to race pace and apart from Muensta, they all faded. Instead, this race would mostly be headed by a couple of Mercurys, a fast Ford, and some Mazdas buzzing around.

On lap 9 of 195, the first caution came out when Walter Kronkyet in the Wartburg dropped out of the top line of cars and tried to go for a space that might not have been there. He causes Tse Sakamoto and Kayleigh McAlpine to both check up, and Mario Mario not wanting to run into the back of McAlpine, cam down into the middle lane and tagged Henri Cornelius' Vauxhall.

The #64 spun across and through four lanes of traffic but somehow only managed to collect the Wartburg of Eggatha Robotnik; who was unsighted and very very surprised to see a car appear out of nowhere in front of her. Her race was junked through sheer happenstance.

"Oh maaaan... you try to keep you nose outa trouble and hang around and the back so that you can avoid the big one when it happens, and you just get caught up in someone else's little one. The car was good, it felt good, it drove good... and it all just... eeeegh?"
- Eggatha Robotnik, to U62-TV

The reracking and single file lining up of the field meant that Bandit Heeler who was in the lead at the time, now had no-one immediately challenging him for the top spot; so on the restart, he occupied the centre of the road and merrily drifted away into the distance.

Immediately behind him were the two Team OSKO Mazdas of Judge John Judd and Morgan Inkling. Judd's result at Daytona was a promising start to the season for a driver who had toyed with the idea of giving it away. However, the fact that Kayleigh McAlpine had chipped away and stood on the very top step as champion last season, has given hope to a lot of smaller teams who having survived the great cull from 72 to 42, now have someone to look to as proof that success is possible. Team OSKO as customers of Mazda equipment, have severed all data sharing ties for this season; as they venture out to see if they can make waves by themselves.



Heeler was gradually caught back up as the race ran long under green flag conditions. Tyre management over the long run proved to be important, as the two Team OSKO Mazdas faded, and the Mercurys of Koffing and Kong came to the front. Kuki Muensta and Ricardo Sasquini both fell to the tail end of the top ten and then both rose back up again as though they were tied together.

This fron battle pack of five cars found each other by lap 30 and then hung around together through both sets of pit cycles which both happened under green flag conditions. The nature of this group was that together they were quick but if anyone tried to roll out a lead, punching a hole in the air without the help of the drafting cars behind, was neither as efficient or as quick.

Neither did it make sense for cars to run single file for extended periods either. Whereas we saw actual freezing conditions at Daytona, here in the peach-tree state, we saw temperatures climb into the 90s. That meant that running in the draft, ran the engines hotter than normal; and when speeds were pushing 235mph down the back stretch, that was worrisome.

Eventually, after slugging it out for many many laps, this allowed a second clump of cars to reel in the distance and attach onto the tail. They included Xavier Zangoose in the Toyota, Talon Claw in the Wartburg (who in not very many starts is already showing promist) and Kane McKane in the Vauxhall. It was McKane who led the group when they finally became one giant chain of eight cars, and Zangoose who pulled out of line to start a second lane running the top.

Koffing now found that he had to defend two lanes of traffic which were highly organised, but this came to a swift end as Ugly Arbuckle's #9 Cazoo Chevrolet showered itself in a massive cloud and the caution was thrown on lap 166 for fear of the orange machine causing the big one. As much as he wanted to, he just could not do it and so Koffing would be forced to roll onto the back of the single train of cars which was now forming. This was a common pattern with the eight cars in the train, running up front to get cool air, then pulling off to maximise their fuel economy.

It should be noted that even after seven seasons, still nobody is sure exactly what Koffing is exactly, not do they know how he controls a motor car. Video evidence shows that he moves controls psychicly through telekenisis; so his cars must be fitted with a Faraday Cage by regulation. Again, it is unknown if that does anything either. What is known is that Koffing, having left the front of the train of cars, was in no worries about getting back to the front again. Perhaps he should have been, as Zangoose and Heeler broke free and wafted away into the distance.



Of the four drivers currently employed at Team Yellow Toyota, none of them were there five years ago. The turnover rate since Patrick Mann was last Champion in 20W5 has been brutal. Former champion Jean-Luc Pikachu had been brought in to stablise the team but even he found the going tough. This season with the departure of Sticks Baja and Miles prower, the squad was practically all new, with Xavier Zangoose being tapped up to replace Pikachu, Paxton Mann inheriting his father's old seat, Bob Nikoban staying on, and Mao Mao-Mao replacing the outgoing Miles Prower.

Xavier Zangoose having piloted a car in an off-season quarter-mile bullring series, was given the job after showing an indecent capacity for brawling and an almost psychotic joy in wailing on people on track. He is in stark contrast to Mao Mao-Mao who managed to win two of ten races with laser like precision in a field of nonsense.
Zangoose very nearly lost the seat after a press conference before the season, when National electronics again signed on as a partner. Zangoose thought it funny to punch a hole through a television; much to the shock and horror of the corporates at National. This created enough of a storm of publicity that he couldn't very well be let go and even attracted Lucky Strike Cigarettes to become the title sponsor of the car.

Zangoose's first run of the year produced a 9th place in the heat race and a 22nd in the main feature race but given that a snowy Daytona was something of a lottery, perhaps this was not an indication of speed or ability. His qualifying run here at Atlanta was also less than stellar, when he tagged the wall comign out of Turn 4 and tumbled down to 25th, after what could have been a top ten result.

For the race though, any hint of an at times impetuous nature, was entirely hidden. From 25th place, he roed around the top of the racetrack consistently and by lap 65 at the first set of pit stops, he was eleventh. All four Toyotas formed a chain mid-race and were able to run slightly long to lap 133. Apart from Mario's spin on lap 9 and Ellie McIllan tagging Jack Raymond on lap 82, the race was relatively calm. However when Ugly Arbuckle's Chevrolet expired and came to a halt on the back stretch on lap 166, there was suddenly a mad dash to the pits en masse. Zangoose was one of nine drivers who did not pit.

On lap 173 after the race settled in for the run home Zangoose roughed up Kuki Muensta for sixth place, did a bump and run on Kane McKane for fifth and stared menacingly at Kong, Koffing, and Heeler. After duly passing the two Mercurys, Zangoose and Heeler had a battle for the lead which was nothing short of tense. Both cars could run the top and the bottom and the race was Heeler's to lose. And lose he did.

<>

"I ran out of road and talent... we're broke, we're busted. I'll just roll around until the end now."
- Bandit Heeler, to crew chief Pat Labrador

What could have been a battle for the ages, was cut short as Heeler slid down the order to obscurity and it was only due to the generosity of Zangoose on laps 194 and 195 that he was not lapped. Heeler in seventh would be the last car still on the lead lap; while Koffing, McKane and Muensta watched as Zangoose took a very easy win in only his second ever round start.

Said Xavier Zangoose at Victory Lane after his first ever race win:
"I ain't gonna thank none of you. I ain't gonna thank Toyota or National, or Red-Emu Maximum Pain medication, because right now, I'm gaan round the back of the trailers for a Lucky."

He then flipped V-signs to everyone before knocking over a garbage bin and kicking someone's drink bottle away. This was absolutely a statement drive and that statement is that, Zangoose has arrived.

Points Awarded Round 2:

15 - Xavier Zangoose
12 - Koffing
10 - Kane McKane
8 - Kuki Muensta
6 - Donkey Kong
5 - Ricardo Sasquini
4 - Bandit Heeler
3 - Morgan Inkling
2 - Talon Claw
1 - Mao Mao-Mao

Standings After Round 2:

20 Kane McKane
17 Oglivy Hedgehog
15 Xavier Zangoose
13 Koffing
12 Billy Highbank
10 Judge John Judd
10 Talon Claw
8 Kuki Muenstab
7 Bandit Heeler
6 Antoine D'Tigrette
6 Donkey Kong
5 Ziggy Moonglow
5 Ricardo Sasquini
4 Mario Mario
4 Morgan Inkling
3 Stripe Heeler
3 Konata Izumi
2 Bruno Gourdo
2 Al Yankovic
1 Robie Robie
1 Mao Mao Mao

The next round will be the Suspicious Meat 300 held in two weeks' time at Kansas Motor Speedway on 28th Jan.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 3 - Suspicious Meat 300 - Kansas City
- If it isn't Suspicious Meat, then it isn't suspicious meat.

Just as they had done at Daytona, the Pontiacs proved that they had the outright speed to take it to the field. Pole sitter Ugly Arbuckle briefly touched the 200mph mark in his lap of 192.011mph. Although he was the only driver to peek into the 190s, the rest of the field were all doing better than 180mph. Race pace was a different matter and as temperatures began to climb into the 90s, the expected horspower and hence lap times, dropped off.



Arbuckle led the field for a good nine laps before Tse Sakamoto in the Mazda and Talon Claw in the Wartburg, finally organised and rolled around the outside of him. Kansas as a multi-groove track can be attacked in many different ways but this day would mostly be dominated by who was prepared to run as close to the wall as they dared.

A caution came out on lap 19 when Eggatha Robotnik, deciding that Bob Nikoban's Toyota was holding her up, applied the bumper and he looped the car in Turn 3. Nobody else was involved in the incident but the caution did bring everyone onto pitlane; wherein everyone who was anyone took on four tyres. Such would be the theme of the day as a tank of petrol was expected to go 79 laps, but changing tyres under caution was a better option than being left out on track as a sitting duck to be passed.

First off of pitrow at the first set of pit stops was Hochi Samyang, also in a Pontiac, and this would also be a theme of the day as at various times, all six of the Pontiacs would lead the race at some point.

On lap 36, Bandit Heeler got squirly coming off of Turn 4 and slid harmlessly across the tri-oval grass; which shouldn't have brought out a caution at all but the clerks of course hit the button anyway. Once re-racked and stacked, it was the turn of Antony D'Tigrette to lead the field until lap 66 when yet another caution was brought out; this time due to Ellie McIllan sucking the air off of the back of Stankey Spidalski and he spun and struck the barriers at Turn 3.

Nominally the first round of fuel stops would have happened on lap 66 but given that they had spend time under caution, teams were prepared to hang out longer and when Stripe Heeler nudged Robie Robie for an insanely pointless 20th place, the little yellow robot went spinning and the caution lights came on, on lap 72.

The subsequent dash off of pit lane saw Pontiacs occupy five of the top six places, with only Talon Claw in fifth knocking out a full five place lockout. The top six across the stripe under caution on lap 74 were Ugly Arbuckle, Hochi Samyang, Antony D'Tigrette, Oglivy Hedgehog, Talon Claw, and Sticks Baja. Only Kuki Muensta who was mired back in 33rd position, was the lone Pontiac not at the front.



With Pontiacs up front and seemingly running away with the race, it was left for everyone else to try and adopt any kind of strategy which wouldn't leave them in the dust. The two 00 Motorsport Toyotas of Marnie Roxy and Hatsune Miku found that they could run in tandem with the car behind pushing the car in front. The car following didn't have to push aside its own air; so this meant that the little extra power which was gained, could be used to push the car in front. The idea worked well and they were soon rocketing upwards through the order.

Rather this worked well for a while until on lap 117, they tried to go around the outside of 9th placed Morgan Inkling and Inkling's car became unsettled. Inkling had the air sucked off her rear wing and the micro forces turned her car upwards into Roxy. As Roxy was in front of a tandem with Miku, and they were both leading a squabble of a dozen cars, the close proximity caused the big one, and we suddenly had a twelve car pile of garbage sliding through Turn 3.

Inkling's car was junked. Roxy's car made it back to pit row but the crew could do nothing and parked the #960 behind the wall. Kane McKane had repair work done but couldn't make minimum speed and was black flagged and parked. Miles Prower ended up with great patches of 100mph tape on the car and would recover to 12th. The only two drivers who scored any points in this incident were Mario Mario who came home in 7th and Miku who somehow ended up with a car which although beaten was still reasonably roadworthy, followed the red Vauxhall to come home in 8th.

Up front, of the five Pontiacs which commanded proceedings, Arbuckle suffered some kind of undiagnosed fault and rather than risk the engine, he retired the car. Hochi Samyang and Antony D'Tigrette couldn't maintain the pace and settled for 9th and 10th places respectively. This left Oglivy Hedgehog and Sticks Baja to work together but Hedgehog gradually pulled away and Baja lost her partner up front.



The race ran from lap 117 to the chequered flag, completely under green flag conditions. This meant that everyone who pitted under the caution at lap 117 would need to stop again but late in the race. There was a little bit of rising and falling as the running order tumbled about as the result of pit cycles but the key stops were from Oglivy Hedgehog who pitted on lap 135 and Henri Cornelius who pitted on lap 179.

Hedgehog assumed a normal pit cycle and although it put him down the order, it meant that at the end of the race, he would expect to have emptied the tank. The Vauxhall team, having worked out that they could d a fuel dump at any time from lap 117 to lap 183, decided to leave the #91 machine until they could pit and then blend back into an empty space on track.

Cornelius having been left out while everyone pitted, pitted from the lead and then resumed the lead on track. At the time he crossed the blend line to leave pit lane, he had an 11.3 second gap over Hedgehog. With Hedgehog making up half a second a lap, the end result would be really tight; or rather, should have been. Cornelius lost a lot of time though, trying to lap none other than Antony D'Tigrette and Hochi Samyang, who were ordered by Team Principal Garfield Arbuckle from atop the No.9 warwagon, to fan out and gently impede Cornelius.

The move cost Cornelius almost 3 seconds; which meant that Hedgehog finally clawed back to him on lap 198 and then sat behind him before pulling out of the draft on the next lap, and hugging the bottom of the racetrack; which meant that Cornelius on older tyres either had to find a ton of extra speed by running the top and hoping that the momentum would be with him coming back down the hill, or that his own team mates could effect something similar.

As it was, Hedgehog never looked back and was not challenged for the race win. The white #8 Pontiac came in for its second victory of the yeay; which naturally springboarded it back to the top of the seasons' standings. Cornelius opened his account by coming in second, and in third place was Eggatha Robotnik who drove a lonely yet sensible race in the Wartburg.

"Maybe white is a lucky colour for us? The General wanted us to run Pontiacs this year, so we agreed, but apart from the outside, everything underneath is almost identical to last year's car. We even have some of last year's chassis waiting to be used this year. We worked well and executed nicely."
- Pontiac Team Principal, Garfield Arbuckle, to U62-TV

Points Awarded Round 3:

15 - Oglivy Hedgehog
12 - Henri Cornelius
10 - Eggatha Robotnik
8 - Tse Sakamoto
6 - Bandit Heeler
5 - Ricardo Sasquini
4 - Mario Mario
3 - Hatsune Miku
2 - Hochi Samyang
1 - Antony D'Tigrette

Top 20 Standings After 3 Rounds:

32 Oglivy Hedgehog
20 Kane McKane
15 Xavier Zangoose
13 Koffing
13 Bandit Heeler
12 Billy Highbank
12 Henri Cornelius
10 Judge John Judd
10 Talon Claw
10 Ricardo Sasquini
10 Eggatha Robotnik
8 Kuki Muensta
8 Mario Mario
8 Tse Sakamoto
7 Antoine D'Tigrette
6 Donkey Kong
5 Ziggy Moonglow
4 Morgan Inkling
3 Stripe Heeler
3 Konata Izumi

The next round will be the Unincorporated Henrico 300 held in two weeks' time at Richmond International Raceway on 11th Feb.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 4 - Unincorporated Henrico 200 - Richmond, VI
- brought to you by Coal: It's the rock that burns.

The Goof had not been to Richmond International Raceway since Patrick Mann won the first of his two championships ten years ago. Only a handful of drivers remain in the series from oh so long ago, and one of them is Doctor George Claw.

The three time champion has kept every playbook from every track that he has ever raced at; so when he sent out his son Talon out in Friday practice, the lad was immediately quick without really knowing why. As the cars in The Goof have vastly changed several times since then, Claw employed a setup not from ten years' ago but one from sixteen years' ago and when Nigel Levins was running rampant in the 20V8 Ford Galaxie. Somehow, Talon found even more speed in the Wartburg and with zero experience, than Claw found all those years ago.



Talon found enough speed to claim the pole on Saturday and on Sunday when the race began, he wondered if he had enough racecraft to make use of the starting position. Although there was speculation that the crews on top of the box would be changed so that Talon would have a better tactical shot at winning the race, the mercurial Doctor Claw had full faith that the lads on the #11 box were up to the task.

When the race started, Claw got off to a solid start and Ugly Arbuckle immediately bumped Stanley Spidalski out of the way. This opened up the bottom of the racetrack and Bob Nikoban who had started fifth, suddenly found that he had a massive space which he could simply waltz through; which he did. Then with his own crew chief yelling in desperation for Bob to take the lead, he simply said "Nah, I can't be bothered. This is fine." and settled into a groove behind the black Wartburg ahead. Nikoban's chaotic laziness was more than an apt defence to what would play out behind him.

Spidalski faded due to a tight condition which the crew never quite solved. Ugly Arbuckle had okay short run speed but cars set up for long run green flag conditions eventually just drove past him. Sticks Baja got into a revenge bumping war with Bernie Bernie and this held them up; while letting the leaders pull away.

The suprise package of the day was the six Mazdas, none of whom had qualified particularly well. Apart from Ricardo Sasquini cutting a tyre on something, which tore apart his rear right quarter panel and left him with an ill-handling car all day, and later on an incident on lap 117 when Morgan Inkling in an attempt to swap places with her teammate Judge John Judd, straight-lined Turn 1 and bent both her steering and ripped out the linkages in his. The Mazdas spent most of the race all quietly rising through the order and by lap 52, five of them were in points paying positions.



The first round of pit stops came and went; with Talon Claw still leading and Nikoban following at close quarters. By now Bandit Heeler was threatening to make a play for the race and Greg Rellings in the second of the works Mazdas was now in fourth after having climbed twenty-two places since the start.

Unfortunately Richmond occasionally succumbs to very long periods of single-file running, as this three-quarter mile facility has a groove and a quarter at most. Whomever can hug and control the bottom generally has a good defensive position, as trying to go around the outside is almost a waste of time. Nevertheless, some drivers did find that using the chrome horn was an effective way of signalling that they were coming through and with this, the Vauxhalls of Kane McKane and Mario Mario both snuck into the top ten.

The race's only real dramatically altering moment happened on lap 98; which was way too early to make a pitstop under normal circumstances but perhaps early enough to enact a change of strategy.

While holding sixth, Sticks Baja was doing a solid job of keeping Stanley Spidalski at bay, Dr Ivo Robotnik both got bored and got jack of having to follow the pink Falcon; so in an act of knavery, he drove to the top of the track and then turned Spidalski into Baja, before driving away in a pique of maniacal joy.
The repercussions of this meant that as Spidalski and Baja slid back into traffic, they were both clouted by Walter Kronkyet, who was then inverted by Hatsune Miku who had an available reaction time of nil. The shovel nose on these Brilliant Resources 11 chassis is excellent at being used as a ramp, and Kronkyet cursed the ground and cursed the sky in all kinds of unprintable Russian. Bernie Bernie who took to the bottom of the race track to avoid the mess, then ploughed headlong into Spidalski and Baja like an out of control shopping trolley in a car park.

This incident was to have further poltical repercussions as Team Principal at DD Racing, Dirk Oranj, who is also 2IC at the Wartburg Motorwerk, expressed his displeasure after the race, at having both of his cars ruined at once. Each of the various manufacturers have their own arrangements but the situation at Wartburg is a confusing mess of three separate teams, working out of three shops in the same building but sharing technical information. Oranj couldn't have been more aware of the meetings that Doctors Claw and Robotnik regularly had and this was already a source of tension.

The mass exodus to pit road and then back out again, saw Bob Nikoban leave in first place, with Claw in second, then Rellings, Heeler, and Mario. Nikoban had to be told to shut up after singing the Meow Mix jingle repeatedly and accidentally leaving the radio on an open channel. His joy was short lived as when the flag went green, he was bumped out of the way by Talon Claw and owing to the fact that these cars on this track, found little to no ability to attack if the bottom of the track was covered, we ended up with more of a procession than a motor race.



After the second round of pit stops had shaken out, the running order was Rellings, Ankha, Sakamoto and Talon Claw. Perhaps Greg Rellings could have run away with the race and posted his maiden race victory but on lap 204, when Koffing, Mario and McAlpine were arguing over 8th place, Mario shoved McAlpine into the Turn 4 wall and the Mercury was left stranded with broken steering. It then became a waiting game to see who would dive into the pits for a set of fresh rubber and to make final adjustments but nobody in the top 15 blinked.

On the restart with Rellings and Sakamoto on the inside, the two Mazdas shot into the lead and Talon Claw realsing that they were going to be the pair to chase down, followed them; driving Chloe Ankha to the top of the racetrack. Ankha faded down the order somewhat until she found her former Toyota teammate Bob Nikoban, who was still playing the waiting game to see what would happen for a late race charge. Claw however, had no obvious allies up front and instead was forced to reply on the decisions of the two green cars ahead of him.

Team Mazda Principal and five-time champion Nigel Levins had brought on Tse after he saw the lad from Hiroshima in an improved production series. Tse duly rewarded him in time, by becoming champion himself. When it came to finding his own replacement, Levins saw Rellings in a touring car series in New Zealand and he hoped that he could capture lightning in a bottle twice. Rellings however had not quite been the bright firework that Sakamoto had been but instead had to work to come up to speed. Finally here at Richmond, where there was a chance to post a win, did Rellings see his opportunity to make the boss proud.

However Sakamoto was not content with having an impatient Talon Claw behind him; and soon grew tired of playing tailgunner. Sakamoto took about ten laps to work out where Rellings was slow and on lap 315, tagged Rellings in the rear and both Sakamoto and Claw stole the line at the bottom of the racetrack through Turns 3 and 4. Rellings was not happy about being bumped by his own teammate but was told to suck it up and get over it, by his crew chief who saw that there were still 85 laps in the race.

With Sakamoto off in the distance and never to be headed again, Rellings again came under fire from Bob Nikoban who already had a quick car this weekend, and Chloe Ankha who was springboarding back up the order. With a green flag run that seemed like it was going on forever and in fact would continue to the end, Rellings stood no real chance against Ankha who was in a Team OSKO Mazda and therefore in very similar equipment and Nikoban who had spent the whole race following whom he thought was quick. When Rellings got baulked on lap 336 by Henri Cornelius who was having a nothing kind of race, the last of the positions that mattered finally settled out.

Points Awarded Round 4:
15 - Tse Sakamoto
12 - Talon Claw
10 - Chloe Ankha
8 - Bob Nikoban
6 - Greg Rellings
5 - Kane McKane
4 - Bandit Heeler
3 - Koffing
2 - Mario Mario
1 - Antony D'Tigrette


Top 20, Points Standings After 4 Rounds:
32 Oglivy Hedgehog
25 Kane McKane
23 Tse Sakamoto
22 Talon Claw
17 Bandit Heeler
16 Koffing
15 Xavier Zangoose
12 Billy Highbank
12 Henri Cornelius
10 Judge John Judd
10 Ricardo Sasquini
10 Eggatha Robotnik
10 Mario Mario
10 Chloe Ankha
8 Kuki Muensta
8 Antony D'Tigrette
8 Bob Nikoban
6 Donkey Kong
6 Greg Rellings
5 Ziggy Moonglow

The next round will be the British TT held in two weeks' time at Silverstone on 25th Feb.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 5 - The British TT - Silverstone, UK
- Sunbeam: We sell the best toasters in Towcester.

The British TT held over 200 miles and 68 laps on the outer circuit at Silverstone, was held in not quite freezing conditions and weak sunshine in an English winter. The dense air meant that engine power was very much up, and even despite the flat right angle corners, cars were topping out at more than 180mph.

It was the Fords who were quickest in practice, with both of the Heeler Brothers' Falcons circulating within the top 5 on Friday, both of the Team UZKA Falcons also bouncing around 5th, but it was McIllan Racing's Falcons of Ellie McIllan and Kurt Langer who topped the charts. In Saturday qualifying, Langer spun at Club, and McIllan who was on a flyer just tagged a tyre bundle at Stowe and tore the front right hand wheel out of the car. She would post no time and start in 42nd.

Completely unexpected was Hatsune Miku who had not particularly done anything in Friday practice, who posted pole position seemingly out of nowhere.



The flag dropped and Miku tore off into the distance, in an effort to get a jump on the field. However, the race descended into controversy when at the end of the opening lap, Dr George Claw took umbrage with Donkey Kong and attempted to dump him going through Woodcote.

The incident more or less started as they were going through Abbey but unbeknownst to Claw, passing through the inside of both Kong and Claw was Ugly Arbuckle; who made it three wide in the middle of the corner. Arbuckle bumped Kong in the door while effecting the pass but all that Claw saw was Kong nudge him off the outside of the left hander and into the grass as they head down the straight towards Bridge.

Claw could not and would not let this pass and so attempted to tag Kong in the rear quarter but Kong being a canny operator, knw that this was on and attempted to brake check Claw. This sent the two of them spiraling over the pit entrance apron; and back out onto the track at Woodcote, wherein Oglivy Hedgehog slammed into the front left quarter of Kong and left everyone in a sorry state.

With cars strewn about Woodcote like the clatter of nine-pins, the field was brought behind the Safety Car while marshalls cleared the wreckage, and upon the restart, Miku made a textbook start and very easily got a jump on the field. Already on the end of lap 5, she was 4.3 seconds ahead of Bandit Heeler.

A little further down the road, there was an eight car squabble involving five Fords, a Toyota, a Mercury, and a Mazda. This general argument would last for the entire race; with Langer and McIllan both trying to help each other, Spidalski and Yankovic doing likewise, Ricardo Sasquini trying his level best to annoy everybody, Kayleigh McAlpine who had shot up ten places since the start of the race, and Stripe Heeler who was hanging on to the tail of the group; while his crew chief fed him instructions on the fly to trim the #54 Falcon to the same settings as the #17 Falcon which had stablised the gap to Miku to about six seconds.



It was this squabble where the most interesting parts of the race would unfold. With Bandit heeler spending most of the race in a lonely third place, the battle for fourth was an angry swarm.

Kurt Langer in the #73 BASF Falcon had a nicely handling car but it was ultimately too slow down the straights, his slow tumble down the ladder and out of the points was complete by about lap 12. Likewise, Ellie McIllan who had identical settings, was able to use a little bit of racecraft but still ended up in 11th. Team UZKA followed each other around in close quarters and they weer constantly harassed by Ricardo Sasquini who clearly had a quicker car but was effectively blocked by a two car wall on multiple occasions. Behind him was Kayleigh McAline who held rank and bided her time.

By the time that the round of pitstops came around on laps 34 and 35, Bandit Heeler was within sight of the squabble and Sasquini thought about trying to attempt an overcut by pitting a lap later. It would turn out that the drafting help he had relied upon, actually hid a minor speed deficiency in the car and by the time he pitted and went back out, five cars went past and he could not tack back onto the draft.

The real winner out of all of this was Sticks Baja who spent the first half of the race following Claw and then made an amazing pit stop which brought her back into contention. Spidalski would eventually tail off; which left Sticks Baja, Stripe Heeler and Al Yankovic to fight for fourth.

On lap 42, Stripe Heeler snuck up the inside of Yankovic going through Copse and Baja attempted the same move a lap later but she bumped him and by the time they had made it to Maggots and Becketts, Spidaklski was all over them like a rash. He went round the outside of Baja at Vale and then up the inside of Yankovic at Club.

Baja would try the same move again at Copse on lap 48 after spending a number of laps trying to scope where the green, white, and red Falcon was weak and upon finding nothing useful, it would have to be her bravery which made the difference. Yankovic simply let her through on the inside, as though he feared her incompetence which would result in both of them being taken out.

The field gradually got strung out and the only two cars rising through the field were that of Dr George Claw who was making a recovery after the nonsense on lap one, and Jack Raymond in the Vauxhall who was playing a slow game of picking off positions one by one. By lap 50 he was in eighth, then progressively passing Yankovic, Baja, Spidalski, Stripe Heeler in five laps, it then took him another four laps to run down and pass Bandit Heeler.

Bandit Heeler himself would eventually have a fuel light come on on lap 68 and he would lose so much speed by the time he made it to Woodcote, that his brother waltzed past him and although he would meet the chequered flag, he would come to a complete stop just on the other side of the finish line. Third had melted into fouruth but he was thankful it had not burned into a DNF due to lack of fuel.



Pole sitter Hatsune Miku had had a quiet race up front, having fended off any kind of initial challenge from Bandit Heeler, Stanley Spidalski and Ricardo Sasquini. Heeler had a bit of a peek going through Copse on lap 2 but soon realised that the an attack through Maggots and Becketts was useless; for while Miku's Toyota didn't quite have the mechanical grip, it was trimmed out and therefore very very fast down the long straights. Heeler found to his dismay that on lap 8 after nearly out braking Miku going into Club, he simply did not have the legs to keep up going down the long straights and through Abbey. Heeler led the solitary lap 22 when Miku came in for tyres and fuel, to split the race into three.

Raymond found that he could bite off a second of a lap here and there and was really shocked when on lap 60, he managed to chew off 5.7 seconds after Miku got caught behind Samyang, Ankha, Talon Claw, and Rellings who were having their own privte battle for 25th. With no points to play for, their squabble was nevertheless still furious, because they were likely fighting fro bragging rights in the clubhouse after the race. After Raymond flew past all of them just one lap later, he was now just 3.8 seconds behind Miku; with six laps to get the job done in. He finally caught up to her bumper on lap 66 and gave her a couple of taps to let her know that he was serious.

For Raymond, this was perhaps personal. In 20X0 his race ended upside-down and in the barriers at Club Corner. This time around, with a sniff of victory at Silverstone, he was not going to let this one get away. Miku on the other hand, having been almost seven years since her last victory, was equally keen to stand on the top step of the podium.

On lap 68 of 68, having led every lap bar one, Miku almost drove a textbook race. However, going into Club she left the door just open wide enough for Raymond to slip his Vauxhall up the inside and despite Miku having a car with a proven faster top speed, Raymond was willing to and able to push her to the side before the left hand bend at Abbey. Miku could have very well shoved Raymond of the road at Woodcote just as previous calamity in this race had shown but discretion was the better part of valour here and she merely tucked in behind and collected a disappointing second place. For Raymond though, leading only one lap was enough. Whatever ghosts had haunted this place for him, were now well and truly defeated.

"I had to tell Punchy (Crew Chief #88) to shut up. He wanted to tell me all the things and I did not want to know any of the things. Fair play to Miku though, she fought well but I had to be the bad guy here and take away her shot at glory. I still have a championship to win. Crisp."
- Jack Raymond, to U62-TV

"Well... I am disappointed not to have won but on the day, I was beaten by a better driver. Raymond is a good competitor. I am still happy that we came second. We showed that we can be fast and mean business."
- Hatsune Miku, to U62-TV

Points Awarded Round 5:

15 - Jack Raymond
12 - Hatsune Miku
10 - Stripe Heeler
8 - Bandit Heeler
6 - Stanley Spidalski
5 - Sticks Baja
4 - Al Yankovic
3 - Dr George Claw
2 - Ricardo Sasquini
1 - Donkey Kong

Top 20 After 5 Rounds:

32 Oglivy Hedgehog
25 Kane McKane
25 Bandit Heeler
23 Tse Sakamoto
22 Talon Claw
16 Koffing
15 Hatsune Miku
15 Xavier Zangoose
15 Jack Raymond
13 Konata Izumi
12 Ricardo Sasquini
12 Billy Highbank
12 Henri Cornelius
10 Judge John Judd
10 Eggatha Robotnik
10 Mario Mario
10 Chloe Ankha
8 Kuki Muensta
8 Antony D'Tigrette
8 Bob Nikoban


The next round will be the Alabama 303 held in three weeks' time at Talledega Speedway on 17th Mar.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 6 - Alabama 303 - Talladega
- brought to you by Spirit Airlines: Start Brawling.

The high banks and high speeds of Talladega Speedway are feared by team owners as although this place is very fast, it can get angry and will tear up equipment for fun. However apart from Kuki Muensta blowing a tyre and then striking the wall in Turn 3 before being turned sideways and having the wheels bite the ground to flip him upside-down, the beast remained tired and sleepy and would not claim dozens of cars at once, this weekend. It was a pity. The Pontiacs were fast. As Saturday qualifying opened up, every Pontiac would at some point be temporarily at the top of the tree, except his.



For not the first time this season, a Pontiac sat on the front row. However it was not the number 9 Pontiac of Ugly Arbuckle on the pole, for Arbuckle would have to settle for second place. The inside of the front row was occupied by 20W9 champion Ellie McIllan, who so far this season has not even as much as scored one point. Either the black Texaco Falcon has not been fast enough, or not reliable enough. That pointless streak would continue today, much to her disappointment.

Teams were trying to push the envelope as far as performance would allow. With engines spinning up to 9500rpm, speeds were also up; with some cars touching 220mph down the very long back stretch. Drivers had also worked out that they could actually push each other in an effort to save fuel, as the power of 1300 horses combined was more effective than just 650 alone. This came at a price as the car following would see spikes in water and oil temperatures. Ellie McIllan found Walter Kronkyet on lap 2 as a helpful pusher/pushee and the two of them blasted away from the field for the first dozen or laps or so. The trick would be to find a safe place to execute a switch if the car behind got too hot.

There were eight leaders in the first half of the race and green flag running meant that the first two of the expected three pitstops were done under green. Those eight were McIllan, Kronkyet, Hedgehog, Arbuckle, Sasquini, Izumi, Miku and Talon Claw. The lead swapped hand on multiple occasions but nothing really significant happen until lap 72.

Mao-Mao Mao had had a rough race. His Toyota Crown had been slow all race and no amount of adjustment would help. The fact that there had been green flag running for 72 laps meant that all adjustments to the car had to be made under green. Although this race had turned into a three-stop strategy very early on and that slightly helped cover the tight in/loose out problem, not even a stream of new tyres wallpapered over the issue as everyone was coming in for new tyres fairly regularly.

Team Principal Patrick Mann knew that Mao's race would yield no points but wanted to keep him out on track anyway, as this would amount to getting a free test session under race conditions. This meant that Mao would have to keep at least minimum speed as well as keeping one eye on the rear view mirror, so that he could get out of the way.

On lap 73, Mao moved to the top of the track to let faster traffic through, as had been his practice. He let through race leader Walter Kronkyet and Hatsune Miku, but Dr Ivo Robotnik who had been in third place, was not as observant and hooked the rear left corner of Mao's car. This sen his own car spinning and he was clouted like a 12-ball in the side pocket, by Stripe Heeler who was holding down fourth place at the time.

Immediately behind them, Rellings and Robie scattered and behind them, cars zigged and zagged all over the tri-oval grass to the point where they may have been as many as fourteen wide. After the dust settled, Kronkyet assumed the lead; while the two Pontiacs of Ugly Arbuckle and Oglivy Hedgehog both fell in behind him; with Miku in fourth.

Mao was quite apologetic but Robotnik, perhaps uncharacteristically was gracious in his comments.

"He's done everything that could be expected of him. When you are moving at 220mph, reaction times are nil. We may even consider poaching him for our team, if the time and circumstances are right."
- Dr Ivo Robotnik, to Villain-Radio WKIL 1220am.



The story of second place in this race is indeed odd. The driver who should have arrrived home in second place, did not (we shall see why later). This meant that on lap 112 of 112 and with the white flag in the air, the podium was still not sorted.

Ugly Arbuckle who was in third place, had five cars in front of him before he could find free space. This meant that if he was to come home in second, that this would be determined by his skill at picking through traffic. Behind him was Oglivy Hedgehog and the two of them worked together to try and hold the line. However behind the two Pontiacs were Konata Izumi who had been hanging around the top ten all day, Kane McKane who had been quietly forgotten about by the chasing pack, and approaching fast Walter Kronkyet, who had at various stages led the race and was certainly capable of causing trouble.

Coming out of Turn 2, Arbuckle was baulked by Morgan Inkling who was unaware of the swarm behind her. She was having enough troubles of her own with Kayleigh McAlpine and Talon Claw who were fighting for the last two points paying places. Ahead of them and a lap down again, was Miles Prower whose #7 machine had really not shown any hope all day and Kurt Langer who was just happy to make it home at this point.

As a very fast pack arrived and blended with one which was merely circulating, cars fanned out to six wide before being forced to funnel back into two lanes for Turn 3. If there was potential for everyone to be taken out at once, it dissipated, as Talon Claw found himself as the lest car in the way and with Ugly Arbuckle and Walter Kronkyet behind.

As they poured out of Turn 3 and into Turn 4, Kerrod Edmundson who had been approaching the peloton and who decided to take to a third lane around the top, ended up with a metric ton of momentum but the time he rolled out of the turn, down the hill and into the tri-oval. With Henri Cornelius as the next car in the way, Edmundson swung around both Arbuckle and Kronkyet and had a clear run to the line; which at Talladega is not in the curve of the tri-oval but way futher beyond. That space and time gave Kronkyet just enough room to pull out from Arbuckle and catch enough of a draft to swing past himself and what could have been second place, was now fourth for Arbuckle.

The distance between second and fourth was about four car lengths and Arbuckle later mused that he simply did not yet have the necessary skill to pick his way through traffic yet. For Edmundson, an unexpected second place was amazing.



As alluded to, the race for second place was not something which was expected. On lap 72 and completely unassissted, James Kojira brushed the wall exiting Turn 2 and then exploded the rear right tyre going through Turn 3. This meant that there was easily enough time for everyone to make it home on fuel and tyres and quite literally the whole field except for Mao-Mao Mao came into the pits, and he rolled around to pick up what amounted to a free lap. The race off of pit row saw Ellie McIllan in the Texaco Ford beat Oglivy Hedgehog and Hatsune Miku to the stripe and that is the order which they began the restart.

When the green flag dropped, Koffing who was a lap down, jinked way to the top of the track because he knew that there was no way that he could hold up the pack and the immediate losers were McIllan and Hedgehog who both had to check up. Miku drove from third place, through a hole created by the confusion and straight into the lead; where she was never caught ever again.

In an effort to chase down Miku, who clearly had a car which was both handling to perfection and which was more than adequately quick enough, McIllan pulled in behind Hedgehog to give him a push. The two of them working in tandem were able to pull many lengths on the cars behind but Miku was long gone. They would work together for many laps, as both of them ended up saving fuel by alternatively pushing and being pushed; where the benefit of the draft extended futher.

What broke this happy little arrangement was when on lap 110, McIllan while behind Hedgehog reported that her water temperature had skyrocketed and her oil pressure was surging. She fell back behind in an effort to bring the car home but when both water temperature and oil pressure both fell to zero, the game was up. A dejected Ellie could not even bring the car back to the pits, and she parked it behind the wall just going into Turn 3.

Hedgehog with no drafting partner, then lost a lot of time to the car behind him but he soon found a friend in fellow Pontiac driver Ugly Arbuckle (see above). Miku on the other hand took her Toyota Crown to the fastest lap of the race on lap 112, missed out by 0.002 of a second on lap 113, and would have had another chance at it on the final lap except for Bandit Heeler who was limping around and had fallen an amazing 36 places to 38th, after starting the race on the outside of the front row.

For Miku, after many many years of trying, her prize cabinet now sported a second trophy, albeit one which was not too unexpected. After having been pipped at Silverstone in the round before, Miku's Toyota Crown wasn't short on speed. Here, when the most likely challengers faded away, she was left to stand on the top step in peace.

Points Awarded Round 6:

15 - Hatsune Miku
12 - Kerrod Edmundson
10 - Walter Kronkyet
8 - Ugly Arbuckle
6 - Kane McKane
5 - Oglivy Hedgehog
4 - Konata Izumi
3 - Ricardo Sasquini
2 - Kayleigh McAlpine
1 - Talon Claw

Top 20 After 6 Rounds:

37 Oglivy Hedgehog
31 Kane McKane
30 Hatsune Miku
25 Bandit Heeler
23 Tse Sakamoto
23 Talon Claw
17 Konata Izumi
16 Koffing
15 Xavier Zangoose
15 Jack Raymond
15 Ricardo Sasquini
12 Billy Highbank
12 Henri Cornelius
12 Kerrod Edmundson
10 Judge John Judd
10 Eggatha Robotnik
10 Mario Mario
10 Chloe Ankha
10 Walter Kronkyet
8 Kuki Muensta
8 Antony D'Tigrette

The next round will be the Great Southern Cup held in two weeks' time at Darlington Raceway on 31st Mar.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 7 - Great Southern Cup - Darlington, SC
- brought to you by Tide Oreo: Oreo, now with the great taste of Tide washing powder.

The Lady In Black hosted the seventh round of The Goof Cup for 20X4 and the great state of South Carolina turned on some of the sunniest skies and clearest weather seen in a long time. The abrasive surface was expected to play havoc with tyres; so Goodyear brought along their harder A+ compound. It would be the only tyre on offer all weekend and owing to suspected shenanigans going on at Pontiac, the teams were limited to four sets of tyres per car for the weekend and all of the tyres would be scanned out and in at every pitstop. Teams would be allowed to paint their rims as normal but had to submit their rims to Goodyear before tyres were allocated.



Pole sitter Kuki Muensta led the field away and posted Lap 1 as the leader but the lead soon changed hands very quickly, when coming out of Turn 4 on Lap 2, he slid up the racetrack on cold tyres and collected his Darlington Stripe early; thus allowing Kurt Langer and Ellie McIllan in the two McIllan Racing Ford Falcons to swing into the lead. Yet again the Pontiacs had had the outright speed to start up front but surrendered that quickly.

Kurt Langer is an interesting chap. The soft spoken Berliner arrived in The Goof series at what was then known as Red Bull Motorsport to pilot a second car with Bruno Gourdo as team leader. After a long chain of team reformations, Langer moved to the unformed then reformed McIllan Racing to play as a second driver to Ellie McIllan as team leader. As Bob McIllan has been far more patient with Langer than Red Bull Motorsport ever was, Langer has been allowed to develop his racecraft in peace; even if the results have not been particularly brilliant.

Here at Darlington, Langer who up until now this season has not scored a point, suddenly found himself in control of the race. Team Principal Bob McIllan told his daughter Ellie to hold station and act as tail gunner but Langer neither needed asked for help nor needed help to go dancing up front. By lap 12 they had caught to the back of the field and Langer began to carve his way through traffic.

"I can get close to him but he then just picks off another backmarker. I think we just let him go."
"10-4."

Indeed Langer showed that on this day, there was nowhere that he couldn't go and nowhere that he wasn't prepapred to make a pass at. Like a spring, the distance between Langer and McIllan would stretch and compress but she would have no opportunity to even attempt a lead change. Falling every further behind the leading Fords, Muensta saw them pull further away but could do nothing. In fact the only relief in the early part of the race came on Lap 32 when Dr Ivo Robotnik's Wartburg decided to let go and he pulled to the inside of the front straight in a pall of black smoke. This brought out the caution and literally the entire field came in during the cycle for new tyres. The race off of pit road was a forgone conclusion as Langer and McIllan who arrived first, left pit road first. When the green flag dropped, business merely resumed.

Caution was then brought out again on Lap 45 when a squabble between Bob Nikoban and Morgan Inkling for 24th, resulted in Bob finally losing his cool and trying to attempt a bump and run through Turn 2. He miscalculated that badly and turned Inking into the inside of the track; which resulted in her finding the wall. There were no takers for the pits this time around. A third caution came out on Lap 60 when Greg Rellings looped his Mazda in Turn 4. Again the field was reracked and stacked and nobody came to the pits.

Things appeared to settle down after this restart and it became apparant that due to the rubbering of the track, the fastest line was to cut low through Turns 1 and 2 and to remain high through Turns 3 and 4. Such is the nature of Darlington that because someone wanted to avoid a minnow pond, that the two ends of the track are markedly different.



On lap 93 and just slightly shy of when teams would be expected to make a fuel stop, the Lady in Black was ready to take her victims. The track too tough to tame had laid quiet but now in the South Carolina sun, she was ready to strike.

Sticks Baja scraped the wall coming out of Turn 4 and slowed on the front straight. This caused Paxton Mann and Robie Robie to check up and in a case of wanting to avoid the pusher pushing the pusher, Chloe Anhka in the Mazda pulled out of line. Unfortunately, she pulled into the path of Konata Izumi's Mercury, who was then turned sideways by the leader Kurt Langer and a fast approaching Kayleigh McAlpine who walloped the Mercury.

Five cars followed in quick order, all of whom picked up some damage because it as simply impossible to lock down the cars to a stop in time. Stripe Heeler turned into into the wall and was then rear-ended by Donkey Kong. Talon Claw in the #11 MAD Wartburg had nowhere to go and simply ran headlong into the now 11 car accident, and Al Yankovic thought that he could find a hole at the bottom of the track but locked up the rear tyres and collected Konata Izumi while sliding sideways.

With twelve cars strewen across the track, there really was no other practical option other than to pit and for a brief moment in time when Dr Ivo Robotnik was scored as leading Lap 94, the entire field bar one car was either in pieces on the front straight or being serviced in the pits.

The race off of pit row saw Ellie McIllan take over the lead as Kurt Langer's car was now incapable of moving anywhere, and the next five cars immediately behind her in the queue were all Pontiacs; being Hedgehog, Arbuckle, Muensta, D'Tigrette and Samyang. The one Pontiac which was not in the top six, was the one still in pieces and lying forlorn on the front straight. Maybe this was the race that Pontiac would try and stamp its authority all over the place.



At 188 laps long, which us a shade just over 250 miles, the race had been designed so that one fuel stop was not enough and a second fuel drop would be necessary. The dilemma facing the teams was that the caution came out on Lap 93; which meant that under green flag conditions, cars would scrub up tantalisingly short of the end. As the run got longer and longer and cars began to stretch out around the circuit, although they would occasionally scrape the wall and pick up a Darlington Stripe, the likelihood of a caution coming out became slimmer and slimmer.

Up front as the fuel situation became ever more dire, eventually someone had to blink. On Lap 182, Kurt Langer pitted from the lead of the race, fearing that he wouldn't make it to the end. Pitting under green flag running was disasterous though and the travel time in and out of the pits, meant that he went a lap down. On lap 183 both Oglivy Hedgehog and Ugly Arbuckle who had been rolling around in third and fourth for most of the second half of the race, pitted under green. On lap 184 Ellie McIllan pitted from the lead and also went a lap down.

The scored leader of Lap 184 was Dr George Claw who was also running on fumes by that stage but after inheriting the lead, he then asked for a time check and found out that he was 17 seconds ahead of Judge John Judd in second. He calculated that he could lose four seconds a lap and still come home the victor and so the speed of the #10 MAD Wartburg was painfully slow as he tried to save as much fuel as he could. What he didn't realise was that Judge John Judd was also in a similar predicament and was also trying madly to save fuel.

In fact the fastest cars were Ellie McIllan who was in a pointlessly epic battle with Kuki Muensta as they attempted to rip the track and go as fast as possible on brand new tyres. They successfully unlapped themselves by going as much as 7 seconds a lap faster than the leaders but even pulling a lap back was only good enough for 11th and 12th respectively. The 20X0 champion put on a demonstration was to why she had won the Championship on debut and now as a 22 year old, what three years of miserable experience had taught her.

The third place on the podium was Eggatha Robotnik who in running identical equipment to Dr Claw, soon realised that the times that he was posting would be beneficial to her in terms of fuel mileage. As she had come into the pits at the same time, the distance to the line would be determined by how close to the stripe her pit bay was. As it happned to turn out, the distance was even more critical as she ran out of fuel before the line and coasted across with no fuel on board. Kane McKane who made up nine seconds on the last lap, had to pull to the inside but still didn't beat her to the stripe.

Dr George Claw's win has moved him into a sensible place on the table while at the top of the leaderboard, Oglivy Hedgehog gave up the top spot and was eclipsed by Kane McKane. Eggatha Robotnik's podium which has placed her 8th in the season thus far, seems to tell the story that the baton is being passed; with her father Ivo still yet to score a point.

Points Awarded Round 7:
15 - Dr George Claw
12 - Judge John Judd
10 - Eggatha Robotnik
8 - Kane McKane
6 - Hatsune Miku
5 - Tse Sakamoto
4 - James Kojira
3 - Mario Mario
2 - Koffing
1 - Bandit Heeler

Top 20 Standings After 7 Rounds:

39 Kane McKane
37 Oglivy Hedgehog
36 Hatsune Miku
28 Tse Sakamoto
26 Bandit Heeler
23 Talon Claw
22 Judge John Judd
20 Eggatha Robotnik
18 Dr George Claw
18 Koffing
17 Konata Izumi
15 Xavier Zangoose
15 Jack Raymond
15 Ricardo Sasquini
13 Mario Mario
12 Billy Highbank
12 Henri Cornelius
12 Kerrod Edmundson
10 Chloe Ankha
10 Walter Kronkyet

Round 8 will be held in two weeks' time at The Madhouse - Bowman Grey Stadium, on April 14th.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 8 - One Hot Night Of Chaos At The Madhouse - Bowman Grey Stadium, North Carolina
- brought to you by Silly Willy's Suspicious Hot Dog Barn and Hair Care Centre: Our secret ingredient is people.

The Goof had not travelled to a short track that was this short in a very long time; so when the idea came up to run cars here, it was met with some skeptecism. The immediate problem is one of packaging. A 110-inch wheelbase Goof Cup car is basically built like a family sedan from the 1970s. Putting a big car on a small track would not be very fun.

The solution then, would be to find smaller cars; so to this end, MAD Industries, Eggman Industries, Wayne Corporation, and TIE Corp. decided to ignore and and all intellectual property held by other auto makers and just built 60 small cars. The engines provided by MAD Industries were all a standard 2-Litre 4-cylinder engine which looked suspiciously like a Toyota Corolla motor.

The second problem was that although moving various teams into the pit area of Bowman Grey Stadium should be easy, there are only spaces for about 20 haulers. The Goof usually travels with 28 haulers for 48 cars and this was 60 cars. Again, as MAD Industries, Eggman Industries, Wayne Corporation, and TIE Corp. provided the cars, they would take then all back and do whatever maintenance needed to be done on them

Heat A - 50 Laps



The heat races at 50 laps were arguably the most brutal sudden death matches ever seen in 30 seasons. 50 laps of a quarter mile bull ring is a race distance of just twelve and a half miles. To put that in perspective, that distance is eclipsed by just three laps at Daytona Beach at the season closer.

In this heat, Billy Highbank and Jimmy Kohler were the only two drivers who had seen anything like this before and so while they hugged the inside line and locked out anyone else, a race nominally developed behind them... or didn't. Bob Nikoban worked out that he could just just behind Highbank and pounce if Kohler was pushed wide enough and behind him Kayleigh McAlpine worked out that she could run the track almost like a flattish diamond.

On lap 47, Kohler finally found a way to the outside of Highbank and because strategy doesn't exist at The Madhouse, his decision to just try and force Highbank into the centre field was the best option. Highbank backed out of the corner at Turn 3 and that was the nominal end of Heat A.

Points and progression through to the Feature Race were:
Kohler 5, Highbank 3, Nikoban 2, McAlpine 1, Sasquini 0, Mario 0.

Heat B - 50 Laps



Heat B was practically over before it began. Hochi Samyang qualified on the pole, then by virtue of being on the front row and getting the jump on the field when the green flag dropped, led the field into Turn 1 and the subsequently led every single lap. Such is the nature of very short track bullring racing, that flag to flag victories are not uncommon.

With Saymang long gone, it was then for whomever could beat and bang their way forwards, to see who would come second. The two drivers who best did this were Jeb Brown who starting on the outside of the second row, turned Tse Sakamoto and pushed Paxton Mann out of the way. By lap 3, he was securely in second place, or so he thought.

Two drivers had something of a meteoric rise through the standings. Bandit Heeler who started stone dead last, made a brilliant recovery by deciding that everything was fair and whomever had the biggest elbows would win; and Eggatha Robotnik who used a more methodical approach and made it policy to attack no more than one car at once. Her usual tactic on her rise upwards from 11th to what would eventually be second, was to nudge the car in fron while they were in the braking zones. Her nudge on Brown on Lap 43, would be the last of her run to the front as nobody would catch Samyang.

Points and progression through to the Feature Race were:
Samyang 5, Robotnik.E 3, Brown 2, Heeler.B 1, Hedgehog 0, Raymond 0.

Heat C - 50 Laps



If Eggatha Robotnik's drive had been a demonstration of finesse, then her father Ivo's was a demonstration of utter bastardry. Rather than use any kind of racecraft, the Doctor's whole race plan was simply to barge through and turn anyone as necessary. Except in cases of neediing to clear the track, he knew that cautions would not be thrown; so he simply bashed Chloe Ankha, Ugly Arbuckle, Kerrod Edmundson and the then leader Kuki Muensta out of the way.

It was a case of whomever could follow the leader through the hole created would benefit and Konata Izumi, driving what she initially though was a blessed race, watched as car after car in front of her suddenly pointed backwards and giant holes opened up which she could just wander through. On Lap 36 when Robotnik turned Muensta, the Swede was well and truly livid. He repeatedly swore blue over the radio, and in the middle of his fury was completely caught unaware by Izumi who saw him as just another thing to pass.

On the completion of Lap 50, Mao, Kronkyet, and Koffing, all came out of Turn 4 in a giant clump and were officially scored as being seprated by 0.000 seconds. It wasn't until a review of the video and a replay which would back a few frames that management determined that Koffing should be scored in the sixth and final transfer spot.

Points and progression through to the Feature Race were:
Robotnik.I 5, Izumi 3, Muentsta 2, Edmundson 1, Cornelius 0, Koffing 0.

Heat D - 50 Laps



Even though 60 cars had been fabricated from scratch just for "One Hot Night Of Chaos At The Madhouse" there was the suggestion that as Eggman Industries and MAD had built the cars, that they had been playing favourites; for and to themselves. Maybe the suggestion would have been put to bed if in the Heat D Race, Xavier Zangoose had kept his head. On lap 5 after John Judd played a crossover move on him, Zangoose sought revenge and unfortunately rammed the paid of them into the pit entrance buffer at Turn 3. This blocked the track and we got our first caution of the night, when the caution rules had been massively relaxed.

With these two out of the race, attention then turned to the next three; being Yankovic, McIlan and Claw. All three are previous champions of The Goof and all three are certainly experienced at close quarter racing. McIllan and Claw did not really find any way around Claw for the middle period of about 40 laps and then five laps from home, a chance presented itself. Claw found himself facing a wall of traffic and the four second gap that he had built up evaporated. This meant that Yankovic and McIllan began to press in on his bumper; so rather than try to defend the place, Claw decided to turn one-time-fun-time and ex-Toyota 0082 Motorsport driver Amy Rose, into whom ever was following.

Amy Rose soon saw the pavement where the sky should be, through her windscreen, Yankovic was caught up behind the upside-down wreck, and with the track blocked there was no option but to re-rack the cars for a restart. Claw chose the bottom line and never even looked like needing to defend the position. Yankovic slotted in behind but was passed on the outside coming out of Turn 4 on the last lap. Curiously, McIllan's 3 points for coming second in this hear race, were the first to open her account in the 20X4 season.

Points and progression through to the Feature Race were:
Claw 5, McIllan 3, Yankovic 2, Spidalski 1, Squarepants 0, Roxy 0.

 

[Rollo75]

The Main Feature Race:

As this was a 100 lap feature race at a very short bull ring, there would be no caution flags unless there was a serious blockage of the track. Sole discretion of throwing the caution lights, lay with the man atop the flag stand. Also as this was a 100 lap feature race at a very short bull ring, there would be no pit stops either. 100 laps at a quarter mile facility is only 25 miles race distance. This sounds like a minimal amoutn but this was the fifth race of the evening.

M1

Curiously the race started with Claw and McIllan trading paint at close quarters; with Ricardo Sasquini close behind. Neither Claw nor McIllan are particuarly known for this kind of racing but the two champions certainly adapted really quickly. Occasionally making his presence known was Ricardo Sasquini, who had never seen this kind of track before but may have been able to translate experience from rallying to this discipline, as turning a car in corners as tight as this is essential for tarmac rallying.

Perhaps the driver with the most experience at a place like this was Billy Highbank. It was obvious that he was playing a patient waiting game; just ready to pounce if tempers flared ahead of him and someone was hooked and turned around. He soon found that he was under attack by Marnie Roxy though; she had perhaps randomly qualified in seventh and then just followed the leading peloton as they pulled away.

Highbank began his charge onwards and upwards throught the leading peloton when he passed Roxy on lap 12, Sasquini and McIllan on lap 16, and then passed Claw for the lead on lap 21. As is sometimes the nature of this kind of racing, the field then began to fall back into a rythym as cars began to string out around the ring. With lap times only being between 15 and 20 seconds per lap, it then took about 20 laps for Highbank to start encountering backmarkers and he picked them off one by one as well.

M2

On lap 49, Claw had obviously had quite enough of following Highbank; so in an act of uncalled for knavery, he simply hooked Highbank into the fence at Turn 4. The ensuing plug caused by Squarepants and Edmundson slamming headlong into the now sideways 51, blocked all lanes of traffic and the race had to come to an immediate red flag while the debris was cleared.

For his efforts, Claw was handed an immediate black flag for unsporting behaviour and was sent to the back of the field. One the restart, McIllan was totally outclassed and outfoxed; when Bandit Heeler got the jump on the outside and what followed was a brand new melee for the lead. After Heeler sureged to the front, he was followed by Konata Izumi and Kayleigh McAlpine who had been watching the clump up front but hadn't really been able to do much while traffic was strung out.

After following Heeler and repeatedly using bumper morse code on him, Izumi finally pulled a crossover move on Heeler on lap 65, when he was forced to go defensive and pulled way to the inside of the track. That upset his line through Turns 3 & 4 and Izumi neatly folded under him and out the other side. For the next period of relative stability the running order was Izumi, Heeler, McAlpine, McIllan and then both Robotniks.




The most significant change for the lead happened on lap 91 when Konata Izumi on fading tyres (after having used the best of them earlier), began to run slightly wider lines in order to get the power down. The tyres as they faded, just didn't have the bite and therefore the turn in that they did at the beginning of the race; since a pitstop would be a certain ride on the elevator to the basement, the only answer would be to stay out and/or fade out while trying.

Going through Turn 1, Eggatha Robotnik who had already claimed second place in her heat race, having learnt how effective bumping someone out of the way was, did exactly that without hesitation. The bump was measured and not enough to spin Konata, who merely ran slightly higher up the track than she would have liked, and this compromised her run at the other end of the track. Bandit Heeler needed no invitation to steal second place away from her either.

Now on the defensive and with laps running out, thete was no way that defending series champion Kayleigh McAlpine was going to get through and she soon found herself under attack from Dr Ivo Robotnik. He would not improve on fifth place but he was close enough to see his little girl score a maiden win in The Goof Championship.

"I'd like to thank Eggman Industries and M.A.D. for building the cars that we had tonight, and I'd like to thank the Madhouse at Bowman Gray for allowing us to put on the show tonight. I didn't win because I was heaps fast, or because I understood the track better than anyone... sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. I like that I put the Robotnik name back in the winner's books. Love you dad."
- Eggatha Robotnik, to U-62 TV

Points Awarded Main Race Round 8:

15 - Eggatha Robotnik
12 - Bandit Heeler
10 - Konata Izumi
8 - Kayleigh McAlpine
6 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
5 - Ellie McIllan
4 - Bob Nikoban
3 - Jeb Brown
2 - Koffing
1 - Al Yankovic

Top 20 After 8 Rounds:

39 Kane McKane
39 Bandit Heeler
38 Eggatha Robotnik
37 Oglivy Hedgehog
36 Hatsune Miku
28 Tse Sakamoto
27 Konata Izumi
23 Talon Claw
23 Dr George Claw
22 Judge John Judd
20 Koffing
15 Jack Raymond
15 Xavier Zangoose
15 Ricardo Sasquini
15 Billy Highbank
14 Bob Nikoban
13 Mario Mario
12 Kerrod Edmundson
12 Henri Cornelius
12 Kayleigh McAlpine

Round 9 will be held in two weeks' time at Calder Raceway, Victoria, on April 28th.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 9 - Calder Park Raceway, Victoria

Thunder Down Under 300 - brought to you by Coal.
Coal: It's the rock that burns.

Perhaps purely as a means to be perverse, the direction of travel around Calder Park Raceway is clockwise as opposed to anti-clockwise at most ovals. This means that cars turn right and not left, and that when they travel to the outside of the track, the driver is on the outside and runs next to the walls.

With the last round bring at Bowman-Gray Stadium any presumed momentum through the season cam to a stark end. On Friday, the fastest driver on the track was Ugly Arbuckle and he was in a battle with fellow Pontiac driver Oglivy Hedgehog to see who would top the charts. When it came to Saturday though, the cooler temperatures meant that Toyota actually had the edge on both of them and this was assumed to be caused by a better ability to trim out the aero settings more effectively.



Saturday qualifying saw the Toyotas of Team Yellow lock out the front two rows of the grid. Paxton Mann and Xavier Zangoose started first and second, and Mao-Mao Mao and Bob Nikoban were third and fourth. At the start of the race though, Nikoban pushed Zangoose out to the lead and the confusion led to a giant hole immediately behind the #2 and then a long train which shuffled into order behind it.

Paxton Mann with no help behind him and no way to break into the train of cars, was a sitting duck as nine cars went around the outside of time in Turns 1 and 2. Then by the time that he did merge back into the line of traffic, the cars ahead of him were already fanning out four wide to make moves of their own. The two Mercurys of Kojira and McAlpine were able to work in tandem but couldn't quite break apart the team work of Nikoban Zangoose; with the former playing as tail-gunner for the latter. Behind them, Langer and Claw both hung back and waited to see what kind of trouble would ensue.

With the field running single file for a while, it was only a matter of time before a second file began to form and we would get side-by-side racing. Calder with its quad-oval generally is not condusive to a second line opening up and being viable and to be perfectly frank, it was not exactly the case here either. The profile of Turn 1 is such that the outside lane's most efficient run through the corner is to cut through the inside lane. The profile of Turn 4 is such that inside lane's most efficient run through the corner is to swing outwards and cut through the outside lane. Nevertheless, Morgan Inkling decided to try and run an outside lane, and she brought the two Watrburgs of Kronkyet and Claw with her.

Somewhat curious was the fact that McAlpine Motorsport, who had been running Coyote engines up until now, had made the decision to source unbranded engines from somewhere else. Where exactly they did not disclose but suffice to say, it would suggest that any help from Mercury was now at an end. Both Kojira and McAlpine ran quick enough lap times to be more than satisfactory; so whereever they were getting their engines from appeared to be working for them.

Mostly the race split into three segments of about 70 laps each. Teams could in fact go all the way to lap 110 on the same set of tyres but the time dropoff would be so severe as to be pointless. The two Toyotas up front linked up and as they caught Mao Mao Mao who hadn't really dialled into the track, they formed a three car train to come in and out of the pits together on lap 68. This meant that the Mercurys of Kojira and McAlpine who had observed the whole thing, then followed suit on lap 70 as they linked up with Izumi from 6th and Kong who was still rolling around at the back of the field. Claw who had fallen back into a general kind of peloton, was the first of fifteen cars who all came into the pits on lap 73.



By about lap 76, the whole field had cycled through the first of their pitstops and leading the field were Zangoose who had now broken free of Nikoban and Konata Izumi who was deliberately trying to put in faster laps at the beginning of the run so that she would have the space to be able to cycle through the second round of pit stops and still have a semi-decent chance at a race win. They were about ten seconds to the good of McAlpine and Claw who were trying to stay out of trouble.

On lap 108 and coming out of Turn 2, Xavier Zangoose who was being pushed by Konata Izumi at the time, wiggled and just tagged the front right hand quarter of Morgan Inkling on the outside. Inkling who was about to go a lap down, thought that she dutifully moved out of the way but when playing chess with bricks at 170mph, inches and even feet cease to matter. In a case of multiple pushers pushing the pushers and with the added complication of a third lane being forced on the inside, what followed was a fourteen car dog and pony show, with uncontrolled slides in all directions.

When the wreckage came to a chaotic stop, tempers also flared in all directions; with Zangoose pulling his steering wheel out of the car and hurling it at the #41 of Morgan Inkling, and Walter Kronkyet running over to Dr George Claw to presumably threaten him with fisticuffs while he sat in the car. McAlpine Motorsport had a shocking time of it, with three of its six cars being wrecked at once; with at least two of them being in a potential position to be able to challenge for the win later.

If there were any winners from the wreck, it was the cars sat all the way back from about 15th and back. Hochi Samyang recorded some laps led while the caution was brought out; while others like Ugly Arbuckle took advantage of the caution and took four tyres early. Fresh tyres at Calder can be worth as much as four seconds a lap under the right conditions. At the restart, Arbuckle swung around the outside of Tse Sakamoto who had stayed out and then proceded to tear off into the distance. With a third of the field gone, the rest of the race ran under fairly quiet green flag conditions; it would be a matter of if anyone could charge down the orange Pontiac.

Back on pit lane though, what had been just a racling incident now turned ugly as Team Principal at DD Racing, Dirk Oranj, who also happens to be 2IC at the Wartburg Motorwerk, demanded access to the haulers in the infield, so that he could have a talk with Dr George Claw. Evidently Oranj was annoyed that Claw had been instumental in taking out the red #61 machine but Claw was nowhere to be found.



As long as there was green flag running, Arbuckle was almost like a sitting duck out front. He might have been secretly hoping and praying for a caution so that he good get an advantage on fresh tyres but that caution never came. The profile of the front end of the cars for 20X4 and 20X5 are such that although they crate front end downforce, that comes at the expense of drag, and the car at the front of the train does the work of punching the hole in the air.

Perhaps had this been Garfield Arbuckle Sr, then he would have known what to do but as "Ugly" has still not registered that maiden win, he was forced to learn very very quickly; too quickly in fact. Dr. Robotnik having a much older and wiser head on his shoulders, simply waited and bided his time until the opportunity presented itself. Four laps from home they came across Judge John Judd, who helpfully gave up the bottom of the racetrack. Robotnik knew that he would do that; so coming out of Turn 3, he placed his nose wider into the turn and drove a shallower line through the corner; so that going through the quad-oval, the number 14 would become the barrier to be used.

Robotnik made the move look like a textbook offering. Slide underneath someone, do not overtake them but run one their rear quater panel; then make the move once another car provides the block. Arbuckle had no choice but to relinquish the lead and although he might have very well had the speed to pull off an identical move, the return opportunity never presented itself. In the end the margin of victory was about 6 car lengths as Ugly realised that the race win was beyond him but second place was a good result.

In third place, Kerrod Edmundson had been quietly rising up the standings since about the half way mark. He reported that in the first half of the race, that he had a tight condition and that my making a wedge adjustment, it should alter how the car turned through the corner. Over the course of the second half of the race, his car went from tight but cam back to him as they level of grip from the tyres dropped off. This meant that very late in the run, he could slide the car through the corners and sliced past both Nikoban and Sasquini with relative ease. Nikoban put up no fight whatsoever and Sasquini tried to buy ploughed deep going through Turn 3, which left the door wide open for Ednmundson to waltz on through.

As for Pontiac who had topped the timesheets on Friday, they generally had a pretty good day with four of their six cars making it into the points. Baja and Muensta finished 11th and 12th respectively and thus would have been included in the points under previous points systems; meaning that all six Pontiacs made it home and with a decent amount of speed.

Points Awarded Round 9:

15 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
12 - Ugly Arbuckle
10 - Kerrod Edmundson
8 - Ricardo Sasquini
6 - Bob Nikoban
5 - Oglivy Hedgehog
4 - Greg Rellings
3 - Konata Izumi
2 - Stanley Spidalski
1 - Antony D'Tigrette

Top 20 After 9 Rounds:

42 Oglivy Hedgehog
39 Kane McKane
39 Bandit Heeler
38 Eggatha Robotnik
36 Hatsune Miku
30 Konata Izumi
28 Tse Sakamoto
23 Talon Claw
23 Dr George Claw
23 Ricardo Sasquini
22 Judge John Judd
22 Kerrod Edmundson
21 Dr Ivo Robotnik
20 Koffing
20 Bob Nikoban
20 Ugly Arbuckle
15 Jack Raymond
15 Xavier Zangoose
15 Billy Highbank
13 Mario Mario

Round 10 ill be held in two weeks' time at Sandown, Victoria, on May 12th.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 10 - Sandown 250
- Sandown, VIC, AUS

Brought to you by Chert: you don't know what it is and you will look it up. Chert - it's distracting.

In possibly the shortest distance between races this season, teams drove from Calder Park in the north west of Melbourne to Sandown in the south east of Melbourne and because of this, most teams elected to stay at the same hotels for the three weeks they were in town. Friday practice was dominated by the Vauxhalls, thanks to local knowledge of the place during testing. Phil Monroe Racing which still manages this team, is based in Dandenong.

Scandal erupted on Sunday morning when the garage door of the #61 of Walter Kronkyet of DD Racing, was discovered to have a massive blow struck at it with a sharp implement. Upon investigation it was found to have been none other than Walter Kronkyet himself, whom after having failed to qualify for Round 10 at Sandown had gone out for a night on the tiles and did this after a few too many schooners of Victoria Bitter. The root cause of this alcohol fuelled rage had been brewing for some time.

The winners of Rounds 7, 8, and 9 were Dr. George Claw, Eggatha Robotnik, and Dr. Ivo Robotnik respectively. Between them the two teams of MAD Inc. and Eggman Industries had won three rounds on the trot. While this was amazing for Wartburg as a brand, the fact that their own works team was still languishing and getting bad results was worrying. What made this expecially worrying was that here at Sandown, neither of the two DD Racing Wartburgs had been fast enough to even qualify for the smaller grid of only 32 cars. Dr. George Claw simply remained silent and refused to engage with DD Racing on the issue; whereas Dr. Ivo Robotnik got out ahead of the game and told the chasing press pack that this was purely down to the incompetence of the works team.

"They (DD Racing) have been working and grinding away for years now. Fair play to Kronkyet and Bernie who have put in some nice drives over the years but now that they have two highly professional teams supplying them with data, they should really step up their game. MY little girl has put in the work and is now up there fighting for a championship. They should learn from us."
- Dr. Ivo Robotnik, to U-62 TV.

The actual truth was that neither Team MAD or Eggman Industries had been supplying DD Racing with anything they could use, as Team MAD were in fact sending DD Racing a data dump but the files were not only encrypted but were in a proprietary .mad format; so even if DD Racing could somehow decrypt the files, they would still ultimately be unusable.




With the Mercurys having shown a mid season boost after having changed engines, Kerrod Edmundson was surprised to find himself sitting on the pole position. During the qualifying run he had never shown purple sectors but someohow, he overturned a 0.23s deficit to take the point away from Mario's Vauxhall by 0.001s. Naturally he was ecstatic but come race day, it took about 800 meters for him to lose his cool.

Going into Turn 1, Mario decided to lean on the door handles of the red 23 machine and then spent the entire first half of the race hanging out about 2 seconds ahead of Edmundson. With the two drivers matching time for time, sector for sector, point for point, there was nothing really for the trailing queue to do but to sit tight and hope that one of them would blink. Sandown which is sometimes know for its barn-burners of races, was relatively quiet as the field of 32, very quickly folded into line to play follow the leader.

Behind the leaders were Hatsune Miku and Bob Nikoban in a pair of Toyotas, Robie Robie and Kane McKane in a pair of Vauxhalls, and trying desperately to keep Ugly Arbuckle behind her was Eggatha Robotnik.

The afternoon would produce a race where strategy was mostly pointless, and if there was to be any time made up in and out of the pits, then pit crew work and efficient transit times would be key. This 82 lap affair over 250 miles, broke into two pieces, with virtually every team pitting either on lap 41 or 42 if they were hope to get an overcut.

Unfortunately for Edmundson, the plan was to arrive in the pits at the same time as Mario. Perhaps his only chance at taking back the lead would be to gain tenths of a second in the stop and pull out in front of Mario in the pit lane. For all the effort of the Dr.Pepper team, they could only put the #23 machine neatly back behind the bumper of the #64 car again. Edmundson knew that he would have to find the move out on the track; which would be difficult in closely matched cars.



With Mario back in the lead after the round of pitstops, an increasingly frustrated Edmunson tried playing at being a very rough shadow, filling the Vauxhall's mirrors with burgundy Mercury. Mario was easily up to the task of defending the position and although he lost time as a result of having to alter his lines, he did not lose advantage or the initiative.

On Lap 68, Edmundson finally had enough of following Mario and going into the left hander at Turn 1, he repaid the move which Mario had pulled on him at the start, and leaned on his door handle as they made their run through the corner. Mario was not about to give up the fight so easily and going into Turn 3 at Dandeong Road, he bumped Edmundson in the rear and scooted away up the back straight. Naturally this was not going to go unpunished and on Lap 69, Mario pulled off an identical move to Edmundson at the same corner.

By now what should have been an on track squabble had boiled over into a full-on beef, with more beef than a Double-Triple Pounder at Beefy McNally's (the home of the Six-Pount Toilet Destroyer); and Edmundson would add extra blobs of Adelaide Angry Sauce to the argument. There was one tap before the rise in the back straight, and another one going into Turn 10, and then a quarter-panel hoof coming out of Turn 10. The difference between this particular bump shot and the others is that Mario was turned sideways and lost a half dozen places.

In carrying out their car on car violence, Mario and Edmundson had wasted massive amounts of time and immediately, Edmundson found himself under attack from the Toyotas of Bob Nikoban and Hatsune Miku. Although not team mates, they had rolled around in quiet regard, knowing that races are hardly ever won twenty laps from home. Lady Luck likes to play dice all the time and if she rolls snake-eyes or box-cars, it can all go horribly wrong in an instant.



Nikoban who had been in the box seat to see both side shows going on in front of him, was now ready to put on a show of his own. Rather than bump Edmundson out of the way, he spent the beter part of seven laps quietly scoping out where Edmundson was weaker than him, and then at the end of lap 73, he pulled out a cross under move coming out of Turn 12 and 13 and then it was a simple drag race down the main straight and he held the line going into the first corner. Edmundson had two further bites at that first corner on the next two laps but Nikoban not only was able to cover the line but also force Edmundson into an error on the second bite at the cherry.

In very quick fashion, Edmundson fell back into the clutches of Hatsune Miku, who also being in a Toyota, has very similar equipment to Nikoban. Perhaps Edmundson had learnt in quicktime about where the Toyotas made their speed on track but he was able to successfully hold out Miku until the end of the race. Admittedly this caused something of a gravy train to form up behind him and Miku, as behind them were Kojira, Robie, McKane, and Eggatha Robotnik; none of whom could find any real advantage on the car in front. This late in the race, and with the tyres beginning to drop off, pulling out of the draft would create sufficient wind resistance as to cause a real speed deficit.

Up front, Nikoban returned to his now famous singing over the radio when he is in a good mood. He wasn't able to go for lap records on aging tyres, but he did attack the kerbs with gay abandon and especially through the right and double left at Turns 2, 3 and 4 and along Dandenong Road, he made the Toyota dance in ways that nobody else was prepared to and revelled in bouncing it onto two wheels purely because it was fun.

This race saw a number of firsts. For Bob Nikoban, he finally broke his duck egg and recorded a maiden win. Of the six drivers at Team Yellow Toyota only a few short years ago, Robie, Baja, Prower have left, Pikachu and Patrick Mann have retired; leaving only Nikoban. As the unexpected team leader, this win cemented the faith that Team Principal Patrick Mann placed in him. For Hatsune Miku, her third place finish was enough to send her to the top of the standings for the first time ever. Goodsmile has been close making challenges for championships before but being at the top finally, now made this a serious prospect.

Points Awarded Round 10:

15 - Bob Nikoban
12 - Kerrod Edmundson
10 - Hatsune Miku
8 - James Kojira
6 - Robie Robie
5 - Kane McKane
4 - Mario Mario
3 - Eggatha Robotnik
2 - Ugly Arbuckle
1 - Antony D'Tigrette

Top 20 After 10 Rounds:

46 Hatsune Miku
44 Kane McKane
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
41 Eggatha Robotnik
39 Bandit Heeler
35 Bob Nikoban
34 Kerrod Edmundson
30 Konata Izumi
28 Tse Sakamoto
23 Talon Claw
23 Dr George Claw
23 Ricardo Sasquini
22 Judge John Judd
22 Ugly Arbuckle
21 Dr Ivo Robotnik
20 Koffing
17 Mario Mario
15 Jack Raymond
15 Xavier Zangoose
15 Billy Highbank

Round 11 will be held at the Cardboardland Speedway in the state of Jefferson, in three weeks' time on June 2nd.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 11 - Cardboardland Raceway, Jefferson

The Cardboard Cup: brought to you by Cardboard.

Cardboard - if it's not made out of Cardboard then not made out of Cardboard.

A storm which had quietly been brewing since Round 4 was now starting to break. Dirk Oranj, who is also 2IC at the Wartburg Motorwerk and also Team Principal at DD Racing, pronounced that relations between the factory and Team MAD and Eggman Industries had progressively soured. Not only had those two teams withheld technical data per the set of agreements but there was a sense of antagonism between the three shops operating out of the same building. Mr. Oranj demanded Team MAD and Eggman Industries supply DD Racing with data per the agreements, and they both point blankly refused.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik in a press conference following the race, then announced that effective immediately, neither Eggman Industries nor Team MAD would need any further parts or pieces from Wartburg Motorwerk, and that although they would continue to run the existing Wartburg lights and grill, everything that was under the surface would be their own manufacture. The truth was that between Team MAD and Eggman Industries, they could very easily scan, bluerpint and manufacture any and all parts and pieces themselves; and from any manufacturer they desired. Where that would leave teams going forward would be anyone's guess. This would leave DD Racing with more than enough residual parts in stock to run out the rest of the season themselves.



In Saturday qualifying Oglivy Hedgehog put his #8 Goodwrench Pontiac on the pole, while sitting next to in was Ugly Arbuckle in the #9 Cazoo Pontiac. In what is fast becoming an unfunny joke with a punchline we have heard before, both of them made bad starts and were soon passed by Kayleigh McAlpine, Bandit Heeler and Hatsune Miku. Hedgehog would steadily continue to float backwards through the field as the race wore on, finally culminating in a majestically terrible twenty-ninth position. About the only driver who managed to have a worse day, was Konata Izumi who started ninth and ended up in fortieth as the last classified car.

McAlpine's plan was fairly simple. As this place has a reputation for taking out lots of cars at once, she intended to get out ahead of the field early and be so far out in front that she would not be affected by the big one when it would invariably happen. Bandit Heeler who had a quick car but a perennial tight problem from not really coming to grips with setup at this place, decided to follow in her wheeltracks and try to be a big blue shadow. It didn't really work as McAlpine faded off into the distance, picking up a tenth of a second or two per lap.

The race looked like it had settled down into a steady rythym for a 200 lap, 300 mile race, when as per McAlpine's expectations, the big one did strike. On lap 34, when Marnie Roxy checked up going into Turn 3 to let Oglivy Hedgehog pull into front of her, that sent a chain of cars having to check up behind her all the way to tenth. As Jack Raymond applied the anchors, Eggatha Robotnik who was likely unsighted ran into the back of him, and James Kojira in an effort to avoid both of them tagged Bob Nikoban. Bob was then sent into the outside wall; wherein Tse Sakamoto ploughed headlong into him and Kane McKane was squeezed into the wall. Most drivers who were caufght up in this wended their way down pit lane for generous helpings of hundred-mile-an-hour tape but Bob Nikoban and Tse Sakamoto both had to be towed back to the pits. Nikoban was disappointed but still perennially jovial after his visit to the infield care centre.

"Who knows what we could have done today. You go from winning a race won week to face-planting the next. Anyway, I'm off to find a muffin and some day-time pizza."
- Bob Nikoban, to U62-TV

This being only lap 34 meant that it was too early for a regular pitstop, though some drivers like Kayleigh McAlpine and Bandit Heeler, both came into the pits for four fresh tyres and a full tank of fuel, which put them off cycle. By the time that everyone else pitted on lap 50, they had both carved their way through traffic and both picked up fifteen spots for free when everyone else came down pit road as per normal.

After the restart and with the field playing it slightly more circumspect, McAlpine and Heeler shot off into the lead and the rest of the field kind of argued their way into a sensible kind of groove. Cardboardland Raceway has one definite golden racing line but cars can run high in all parts of the track and still get a decent run. Kane McKane would pass Heeler briefly before he pitted during the normal pit cycle but Heeler would sweep pass under green flag running and the advantage would immediately be lost. One of the quiet risers through the field was Antony D'Tigrette, who was running the same setup as Hedgehog and Arbuckle but by virtue of qualifying stone motherless last due to a spin, passed other cars to assume the position that he would have likely ended up with anyway. After starting 43rd, he would end the day in 6th.



And so it would be for the next pit cycle until lap 147 when Judge John Judd brushed the wall coming out of Turn 4 and then harmlessly looped the car across the green cardboard infield, harming nobody. This brought everyone back on cycle and whatever advantage might have been had, was now rendered void. McAlpine would again lead the charge off of pit lane as she was the leader and really all this caution did was pull everyone back to close quarters again.

On the restart, although there was a little bit of a squabble caused by lapped traffic now suddenlu having to blend immediately into a fast moving 4D-Chess game, Kayleigh McAlpine and Bandit Heeler yet again blasted off into the lead. Heeler needn't have worried though because on lap 167, McAlpine who had led most of the race to this point, inexplicably had her engine let go and rather than bring out a caution and endanger her team mate James Kojira, she quietly pulled the #3 Irn Bru machine down pit lane and behind the wall. This meant that Hatsune Miku, who is showing fine form at the moment, no longer had to chase a seven second lead and she chose to back off a bit but still maintained the gap back to Bandit Heeler.

The lead group of cars found that they could slice their way through traffic relatively easy; such is the nature of racing at Cardboardland that cars tend to disperse themselves fairly evenly around the racetrack because sitting in clean air and making better downforce is preferable to following someone at close quarters and degrading the tyres faster due to having to make corrections.-

Bandit Heeler was slowly chewing out the lead that Miku had built up, until he came to the back of Al Yankovic and Kuki Muensta who were having their own private battle for beans, all the way back in 21st and 22nd and a lap down on the leaders. Heeler got plugged behind them on lap 185, and then sat behind them to peel off laps 186, and 187, before he decided that waiting was pointless and so he tried to bump Yankovic out of the way. Unfortunately, Yankovic tagged the rear quarter of Muensta's Pontiac and while neither of them suffered anything more than cosmetic damage, as they both came to a gentle rest facing backwards, the caution lights came on and everyone pulled into the pits for one mad dash to the chequered flag.

Also, even more unfortunately, Heeler's crew didn't exactly pull of the fastest of pit stops and so what started out as second place on the racetrack, became ninth off of pit road as thirty-six machines scrambled in and out. Running straight to thefront though was Hatsune Miku, who had her Toyota singing like an eight cylinder nightingale. Heeler bounced back up through the order though; finding a way through by acting as a shadow for Ellie McIllan who had had a quiet race and was now within sight of the lead.



As the caution had re-racked the field with only 10 laps to go, this would be a kind of drag race to see who would get to Turn 1 first to assert their dominance. With most of the field having come in for four tyres and a splash of fuel, then rubber would no longer be a deciding factor. What was certain is that Kane McKane who had run into Bob Nikoban all the way back on lap 34 would not be fighting for a race win, as he was reporting a misfire. He figured that his job at this point was to defend his fourth position; so this left but four drivers up front to seriously fight for the lead; being Miku, Arbuckle, Heeler and McIllan.

Heeler in an attempt to slide around the outside of Arbuckle, brushed the wall like Judd had done earlier but rather than slide into oblivion, he backed off and blended back into traffic. Arbuckle could not really get close enough to inflict any kind of damage to the lead that Miku and McIllan had, and so he let common sense get the better of him and had the ringside seat to watch what went on in front of him.

Hatsune Miku having come off a third place at Sandown was now on the edge of rage as Ellie McIllan seemed to effortlessly match her furlong for furlong. The truth was that it had been a longish time since McIllan had been to the top step of the podium and this former series champion was not about to let this race go down so easily. Ultimately this race would come down to the one percenters that the two of them could pull out.

At the end of lap 198 and going into Turn 3, McIllan looked as though she was going to drive around the outside and use the momentum coming down the hill to breeze past in the tri-oval. Miku saw this and ran at about a lane and a half up from the bottom of the track. McIllan though, pulled a tightish turn through 3, dove under Miku in 4 and then proceded to push Miku up the track, to the point where Miku had to back out to make the turn in for Turn 1.

For Ellie McIllan, it meant that the 20X4 season had been kickstarted albeit 10 rounds late but for Miku it meant pulling out her lead at the top of the standings ever so slightly.

"We've been throwing everything at this damn car. More wedge, less wedge, Track bar adjustments, Spring and Shock rates, Stagger... you name it; we did it. I think I've learnt more this year by having to yell at the numbers on a screen and spinning spanners than I have ever before. It's nice to have something to finally show for all of this effort. But winning a race is still never enough. We came here to win championships."
- Ellie McIllan, to U62-TV

Miku though, was far less happy with the race and second place was clearly not a due reward for her efforts. All that she had to say to the chasing press pack was:

"I hate British people."
- Hatsune Miku, to U62-TV

Points Awarded Round 11:

15 - Ellie McIllan
12 - Hatsune Miku
10 - Ugly Arbuckle
8 - Kane McKane
6 - Greg Rellings
5 - Antony D'Tigrette
4 - Chloe Ankha
3 - James Kojira
2 - Morgan Inkling
1 - Bandit Heeler

Points Standings After 11 Rounds:

58 Hatsune Miku
52 Kane McKane
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
41 Eggatha Robotnik
40 Bandit Heeler
35 Bob Nikoban
34 Kerrod Edmundson
32 Ugly Arbuckle
30 Konata Izumi
28 Tse Sakamoto
23 Talon Claw
23 Dr George Claw
23 Ricardo Sasquini
23 Ellie McIllan
22 Judge John Judd
21 Dr Ivo Robotnik
20 Koffing
17 Mario Mario
17 James Kojira
16 Greg Rellings


Round 12 will be held at Monza, Italy, in two weeks' time on June 16th.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 12 - Monza, Italy

Verde Scudetto

With a starting field of 36 cars at Monza, it meant that several regular season drivers missed out after failing to qualify. Among those were both DD Racing Wartburgs. Walter Kronkyet was simply not fast enough and Bernie Bernie suffered the embarrassment of having the car let go in a giant cloud of black smoke coming out of Lesmo 2. Perhaps unsurprising was that at the other end of the grid, Ricardo Sasquini put his #55 Fuji Mazda on pole and did so convincingly. This was a signal that we were playing in the mercurial Italian's backyard and he was the local king of the sandpit.



From the start though, this would not be an easy lay down slam. Sasquini sprinted out into the lead and was determined that either by hook or crook, he would win this race by staying out from for as long as possible. By lap 6, he and Antony D'Tigrette had pulled out an eleven second lead over third placed Mario Mario; with D'Tigrette perfectly happy to tuck his Pontiac in behind the Mazda and just stay with him.

It had been shown repeatedly that the Pontiacs were quick in a straight line and quick in qualifying but neither of Hedgehog nor Arbuckle seemed to be able to convert their qualifying speed into race pace. D'Tigrette on the other hand, was not prepared to let this opportunity go and so decided to play a patient game and just watch as the red, white, and green machine in front of him, showed him where to go.

Sasquini initially shared his annoyance over the radio but when it became apparent that the two cars together were achieving speeds of just over 200mph in a straight line, he soon changed his tune.

Behind Mario who was trying to hold back a flood of furiousness behind him, sat four Mazdas; being Inkling, Sakamoto, Rellings, and Ankha. This meant that the only Mazda not challenging for a position at the front, was the #14 GEICO Mazda of Judge John Judd; who on lap 7, pulled into the pits and never left. The reason cited for this was 'engine failure' of an unspecified kind.

As the opening period wore on some cars pulled into the pits on lap 18, turning this race into a two-stopper. It proved to be somewhat of a mixed bag as some cars did make it work and others didn't. As for Sasquini, he pitted on lap 27 of 53 and D'Tigrette followed him. What made this really strange was that while they were in the pits, they were both passed by Ugly Arbuckle, who had pitted one lap earlier and was turning in absolute flyers of laps completely by his lonesome on a clear track. By the time that all cars had nominally pitted, the running order was Arbuckle, Sasquini, D'Tigrette, Mario, Prower, and Ankha who was also steadily climbing up through the standings.



Ugly Arbuckle, still chasing that elusive maiden win certainly had the measure of Sasquini. The sight of an orange car in front of a red, white, and green one, with an Arbuckle leading a Sasquini could very well have been from 20 years ago; though that was a different Arbuckle and a much younger but still hot-headed firey Sasquini. As Arbuckle wasn't really going to concede the position and didn't look like we was going to make a mistake, Sasquini decided to slip in behind and catch the draft whereever possible and save even the odd fraction here and there. Races like these are sometimes won on the one-percenters; which add up eventually to small but noticable margins.

On lap 42, Donkey Kong looped his Mercury going through the Ascari chicane, while trying to pull off a move to put him ahead of Oglivy Hedghog for tenth. Instead of coming out and forcing Hedgehog back to the centre of the circuit, he ran right across the front bumper of the Pontiac and turned himself.

This had the effect of bunching the field back up again and Johnny-on-the-spot at the front of the pack was Ugly Arbuckle. Unfortunately as he was one of the cars which was on a one stop strategy, he was soon passed by D'Tigrette for the lead, then Inkling, Sasquini, Ankha, Mario, Prower and finally on Lap 53, Eggatha Robotnik. What might have been a race win under different circumstances, was just a slow slide into oblivion.

Of course his father Garfield up on the pit box, was more than happy that D'Tigrette and it looked for a few brief few laps that the Tide 76 machine might go on to score a race win. Yet again, none other than Ricardo Sasquini sat behind him and would eventually pull out of the draught and take the lead before they went through Parabolica on lap 47. If was also a case of "fool me once shame on me, fool me twice extra shame on me", when on lap later on lap 48, Chloe Ankha played out exactly the same maneauver at exactly the same corner.

The last question of this race would be how quickly Anhka could chase down Sasquini and exactly how much Sasquini's local knowledge mattered. It turned out, not really a whole heap. Practically as soon as Anhka could reduce the win resistance on the front of the car, then she could follow in the draught. Sasquini might have had local knowledge but Ankha had the bit between her teeth.



The matter was put to be on lap 51 of 53 when Ankha pulled in behind Sasquini and effected the pass at Retefillio. Rather, Sasquini defended the line by staying on the right hand side; which meant that he was having to turn way too sharply through the left hander in the chicane and could not rotate the car properly, to stop Ankha from scooting out. By Curva Grande, she was gone.

Way behind the from three cars, Morgan Inkling who was also in a Mazda, had seen off Mario Mario's Vauxhall and was now on the tail of D'Tigrette's Pontiac. What ensued was a one lap battle in which Inkling repeatedly bumped D'Tigrette going through the Lesmos, passed him on the straight before Ascari before overshooting the braking zone and immediately surrendering the position, and then drawing alongside and leaning on him through Parabolica. D'Tigrette would score his podium place but not without a fight.

Perhaps the most bizarre event of this race happened on the very last lap when both of the Toyotas of Bob Nikoban and Mao Mao Mao both ran out of fuel within sight of the finish line on lap 53. They had both been filled on Lap 18 and probably could have taken on a splash at Lap 36 but Team Principal Patrick Mann decided to take a gamble and run them long until the end. Nikoban would have finished 14th and Mao Mao would have finished 15th, so their only consolation was that they would have been the last cars on the lead lap instead of being not classified.

"I want to thank Team Osko for letting me prove what I always believed. I didn't come here to play hanafuda and it might have take a while but I can finally say that I am a race winner."
- Chloe Ankha, to U62-TV

"Full credit to Ankha and her team. She gave us a good run and didn't give up. It's a well deserved win for her...
...but I'm convinced I'm getting too old for this. The fire just isn't there any more. I don't think that I'll be back next season."
- Ricardo Sasquini, U62-TV

Points Awarded Round 12:

15 - Chloe Ankha
12 - Ricardo Sasquini
10 - Antony D'Tigrette
8 - Morgan Inkling
6 - Mario Mario
5 - Miles Prower
4 - Eggatha Robotnik
3 - Ugly Arbuckle
2 - Sticks Baja
1 - Konata Izumi

Top 20 Standings After 12 Rounds:

58 Hatsune Miku
52 Kane McKane
45 Eggatha Robotnik
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
40 Bandit Heeler
35 Bob Nikoban
35 Ugly Arbuckle
35 Ricardo Sasquini
34 Kerrod Edmundson
31 Konata Izumi
29 Chloe Ankha
28 Tse Sakamoto
25 Antony D'Tigrette
23 Talon Claw
23 Dr George Claw
23 Ellie McIllan
23 Mario Mario
22 Judge John Judd
21 Dr Ivo Robotnik
20 Koffing

Round 13 will be held at Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium, on Jun 30th.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 13 - The Belgian TT
- Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium.

The round of The Goof championship at Spa-Francorchamps is usually the last round before the two crown jewel races at Le Mans and Bathurst, where teams get one last chance to full sort out their equipment before the biggest challenges of the year. This year was no exception as practically every car spent both the Friday Practice and Saturday Practice out on track; in addition to their qualifying laps.

The gauntlet was thrown down on Friday when Eggatha Robotnik claimed a new lap record for this class but Fridays actually count for nothing when determining the grid on Saturday. Rather scarily, Sticks Baja had a steering arm failure on Friday and went straight on at Eau Rouge. The Pontiac team fished out a spare chassis and hurriedly bolted together a new car for her but it never really quite felt the same.

The pole was actually won by Dr Ivo Robotnik who copied the settings from Eggatha's car wholesale; and then sprung to the top of the timesheets when Saturday was warmer than Friday.



The start of the race saw pole sitter Dr Ivo Robotnik get out to an early lead, with Tse Sakamoto and Kuki Müensta trail at reasonably close quarters. Neither of them made any attempt to overtake the Wartburg, as this 60 lap race would not be won in the first ten miles.

Of the 44 drivers who had attempted to qualify on Saturday, only 39 would make the starting grid, and yet again neither of the DD Racing Wartburgs made the cut. The machinery was very obviously capable of doing the job as both Eggman Industries cars and both MAD cars were circulating in the top ten. Now that Dr Robotnik was leading and Eggatha was rapidly rising through the order, they had reason to be angry over the withholding of technical data.

Apart from Stripe Heeler overshooting the corner at Les Combes and having to drive through the gravel trap to find the grass on the outside, the first thirty laps were uninteresting. Sakamoto was able to keep the good Doctor in his sights but any push forwards was met with an equal pull back. It was only with the pit cycle, that the order changed. Somehow, a whole slew of cars led by James Kojira, managed to line up and form a train; which meant that they were able to draw out their first fuel run until lap 33 and thus grab an overcut.

Behind Kojira in the train were Yankovic, McIllan, Cornelius and Eggatha Robotnik who was steadily rising up the order. Robotnik, Sakamoto and Müensta who had filed back into 8th, 9th and 10th, were on a clean part of the track and circulating without any traffic around them.



It would stay like this for some time, with Kojira leading the train and Yankovic second, until lap 46 when McIllan pulled out a classic textbook move at La Source, by moving to the outside and then turning behind Yankovic but to end up closer to the inside wall through Radillion and Eau Rouge. She easily held enough speed down the Kemmel Straight to complete the pass long before they reached La Source.

Eille McIllan who had recovered almost seven seconds on the run from Bruxelles to X, now found herself behind a very angry multi-directional melee. She saw the opportunity to try and scoot up the inside before the Bus Stop but in the process of sliding to the right across the track, she tagged the front left quarter panel of Kojira, who in turn tagged Paxton Mann and Morgan Inkling who were both in the process of being put a lap down. Inkling had nowhere to go but to plough headlong into the yellow Toyota Crown and the other innocent victim of the mess was Chloe Ankha who rear-ended Kojira.

Before they'd even reached the Bus Stop, pit lane was already a scene of anger as crews ran towards Race Control, demanding that McIllan be penalised or sent to the back of the queue. Curiously, the order from Kayleigh McAlpine as Team Principal of McAlpine Motorsport, was for the various Mercury crew chiefs to remain put; in case there was a flurry of cars which intended to make a stop for tyres.

As for Kojira himself, he was miffed that he had lost the lead because he had been taken out, but as he was now seventh in the queue, things turned out a lot better than they otherwise could have gone. Apart from some damage to the rear, the car was still reasonably reasonable.

"Is she being given special treatment because she has a famous last name?"
"Shut your mouth, James. Head down. You can get back in the game here."

Race Control cited that on review of the incident, the move was clumsy but not malicious. Ellie McIllan was allowed to stay at the front of the queue behind the Pace Car.



With the only caution having come out on lap 57 and being resolved by lap 58, the field would be stacked up and let loose for what was effectively a two lap showdown. Ellie McIllan having started off the chain reaction which brought out the caution, may as well have had a target painted on her rear bumper and on the restart she was the first through the hairpin at La Source and lead the screaming pack up the hill through Eau Rouge.

Immediately behind here were seven other cars; which included Eggatha Robotnik who is in a mid-season charge up the standings, and Al Yankovic who is no stranger to winning races. They would pose the most present danger, though it must be said that Xavier Zangoose who is sporting a front bumper which reads "Red Emu - Maxiumum Pain" has consistently proven that he is devoid of any morals.

McIllan led the field up the hill and all the way back down again and by the time that the white flag was shown, she had drawn out a nine tenths of a second gap. All of that instanly evaporated when Xavier Zangoose pulled out a brilliantly psychotic move at La Source which would have not been out of place in a boxing ring. Zangoose wildly threw his car up the inside and it was only because McIllan practically came to a stop that he didn't take her out. As for Zangoose, he went from 4th to 1st to 6th in one corner.

When the field closed in on McIllan, Yankovic applied bumper Morse Code from one Ford to another going down the Kemmel Straight; which was sufficiently enough to make McIllan brake slightly deep at Les Combes and the matter wasn't properly resolved until Bruxelles when Yankovic held the inside line and then effected the pass before the series of left and right handers. McIllan was not about to throw away 12 perfectly good points; so she settled in behind and the matter was closed. Al Yankovic, having not been to Victory Lane in almost three years, was now atop the podium once again.

"In the end, there will be stories about who did what and when, but at the end of the race the only thing that matters is what the scoring pylon says. That's a big number 62 at the top of the pylon today and we look good for when we go to Le Mans in a fortnight."
- Al Yankovic, to U62-TV.

Points Awarded Round 13:

15 - Al Yankovic
12 - Ellie McIllan
10 - Eggatha Robotnik
8 - Henri Cornelius
6 - Konata Izumi
5 - Xavier Zangoose
4 - James Kojira
3 - Ricardo Sasquini
2 - Tse Sakamoto
1 - Dr Ivo Robotnik

Top 20 After 13 Rounds:

58 Hatsune Miku
55 Eggatha Robotnik
52 Kane McKane
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
40 Bandit Heeler
38 Ricardo Sasquini
37 Konata Izumi
35 Bob Nikoban
35 Ugly Arbuckle
35 Ellie McIllan
34 Kerrod Edmundson
30 Tse Sakamoto
29 Chloe Ankha
25 Antony D'Tigrette
24 Al Yankovic
23 Talon Claw
23 Dr George Claw
23 Mario Mario
22 Judge John Judd
22 Dr Ivo Robotnik

Round 14 will be the Le Mans Three Hourse, at Le Mans; held in two weeks' time on July 14th.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 14 - Le Mans 3 Hours
- Le Mans, FRA
The nation of France turned on the sunshine as The Goof arrived in late summer. With a carnival atmosphere and the sounds of the calliope playing away, it looked like it was going to be one of those glorious weekends. Friday practice was however, irrelevant. It rained in the morning which washed the track clean of rubber and then a light drizzle followed by an afternoon shower, put all lap times way down.

Saturday however, was clear. With it, came nothing less than total domination by one car.

Hour 1:



The fastest time in Saturday practice was set by Dodge driver Ziggy Moonglow. The #02 Moonglow Whiskey machine was not only insanely quick, but it was stringing together lap after lap effortlessly; all of which would have filled out the top 20 by itself. The closest that anyone got, was Mario Mario and even then, he was 7 seconds off the pace. By the time Sunday morning rolled around, teams still hadn't worked out where the speed of the #02 car was coming from; so mostly they figured that they way to beat the black and gold car, would be to make up the time by stopping less, or by simply hoping that it expired and retired in from of them.

When the French Flag dropped in the remnants of the French summer, Moonglow led the cars across the stripe, through the first right-hander, and by the time that they dropped under the Dunlop Bridge and turned right onto the Mulsanne Straight for the first time, it was obvious Moonglow intended to give the whole Goof series a black eye, by winning all of the marbles.

It was all that Mario could do but watch as the black car ahead of him faded away, while trying to keep another black car behind him; the Toyota of Mao Mao-Mao. Team Yellow Toyota had gone from a position where they were an absolute powerhouse, to one where Patrick Mann had been replaced by his son, where Sticks Baja and Miles Prower had either been poached or left, and where Jean-Luc Pikachu has retired. This meant that at the beginning of 20X4, the only driver with any experience in the organisation on the books, was Bob Nikoban. Mao-Mao was brought in, after showing some agression in a lower category but hadn't quite cut through. Here though, with space and most importantly time, to prepare a race assault, Mao-Mao soon found himself if not able to challenge Moonglow, then certainly to show intent to attack. He would be there or there abouts for most of the day; never dropping any lower than fifth.



Stopping three times would be impossible. Stopping four times would be possible but difficult. Stopping five times would be sensible but the necessity of stopping an extra time, would mean even more time stationary. The first of the stoppers were Oglivy Hedgehog and Jeb Brown at 12:39. Hedgehog on the slow down lap, had slid sideways and borked Brown going into the pits; to make matters worse, by sliding across the Dodge, Hedgehog broke on of the front tie-rods off his rival's car. The #99 crew came to the conclusion that the car was undriveable but this is not the kind of thing that drivers forget easily. Brown repaid the favour after Hedgehog drove past, by driving headlong into the back of him. Goof Management saw this as justified payback; so no action was taken. Meanwhile the #8 machine quietly drove nicely around half the track and was quietly parked behind a house.

Up front Moonglow had stopped and rejoined in the lead; with whatever challenge Mario had amounting to naught, with Mao-Mao's run stablising at about a minute behind, and with Stripe Heeler assuming third place.

Perhaps one of the more interesting stories of the first hour, was the sight of six Wartburgs running line astern; with the No.10 car up front; then running 11, 12, 13, 61, 97. There was still no reconciliation between DD Racing and MAD and Eggman Industries; nor was there likely to ever be any. In all likelihood, MAD and Eggman Industries would simply find another manufacturer which would leave DD Racing with extra capacity to offer the services of the factory. 2IC of Wartburg, Dirk Oranj, was seen striding around the paddock speaking to the great and the good; even taking to individual drivers like Miles Prower and Donkey Kong, to see if they wanted to change allegiances. On track though, the #61 and #97 were the equal of the four cars ahead of them; with whom they were no longer receiving any data from.



As the battle for the front of the race had kind of fizzled out, attention then turned to championship leader Hatsune Miku and her awful weekend. The #00 Goodsmile Toyota started way down the order and on lap 3 came into the pits for an unscheduled stop. this was because at the start, there had been a coming together with Donkey Kong and the rear wing assembly was every so slightly buckled. After spending four minutes in the pits, the #00 car then went back out all by its lonesome and was unable to make any speed by staying the draught.

By the time that the leaders caught up to Miku, she was already well aware that this whole event was a kind of dead loss; so she moved out of the way and he best hope of picking up any points at all, would be to keep on circulating and hope for the best. There is a lot to be said for merely staying out of trouble and being there at the end. The team would finish 16th for the day and pick up one point but at least that is better than nothing.

Not only before the hour, Mario tried to go around the outside of a slower car at Arnage and drove into the sandbank at the right hander. He spent several minutes digging the stricken #64 Vauxhall out of the sand but eventually extricated the car and was on his way, but not before the race had been utterly ruined.

Moonglow continued his charge at the fron and very little had changed since the first flag fall. At the end of the first hour the running order was: Moonglow, Mao-Mao, Eggatha Robotnik, Ivo Robotnik, Mario, and then Marnie Roxy.

Hour 2:



Moonglow pitted at 12:45 and everyone followed suit. When he pitted at 01:28, some cars stayed out and pitted a lap later. This group of cars being Prower, Kronkyet, Bernie, Langer and Baja, didn't exactly pick up a ton of time but they didn't lose that much either.

The fact that DD Racing had both of its cars within sight of the race lead and competently tracking down the Mulsanne Straight at +200mph, was a good sign that they had gone away and learned something about the machinery which they had. The general consensus that the cars with the most power, was still the Mazdas but these Wartburgs most have gained something over the last fortnight. Of course when they peeled off the track at the next lap, Moonglow led a slew of cars that all went past why they were stationary. Moonglow was now very much in control of the race; or so it would seem.

Of this group of cars, Prower had the most up and down day. He qualified well but the car was not quick with full fuel loads; which meant that over the long run, the speed gradually came back to him. Vauxhall perhaps knowing that they were a little bit down on power, decided to trim out all six cars; which equated to higher speeds down the very long straights but on the run from Indianapolis all the way to Tetre Rouge, they could not point as well as other cars.

Kurt Langer in the #73 BASF Falcon ran mostly the same setup as his team mate Ellie McIllan except that he didn't have the steering to be so twitchy. For no discernable reason, Langer was consistently quicker and would even be rewarded with tenth place.



The two Wartburgs did not cross the line at 01:32 in first and second but second and third. One car was in fact way up the track and when Moonglow pitted, this car assumed control of the motor race.

Stripe Heeler in the #54 Blue Sky Mine Falcon was now working to a different strategy to his brother in the other Falcon. Stripe was not necessarily the quickest car at any point during the day but he did intend to but in a good showing by remaining out of step with the field. Unfortunately, Moonglow was in quite a bit quicker than he, and Heeler saw his lead evaporate and the black and gold Dodge soon made its way to the back of his bumper at Mulsanne Corner. By the time that they had made it to Arnage, the Dodge was already past.

Stripe's day would mostly be spent pretty quietly; letting cars pat him and trying to latch onto the back of them to gain some kind of draft. His brother Bandit would ultimately achieve nothing whatsoever for the day; so this #54 car carried what little hopes the team had. Stripe would eventually see the black and red Toyota of Mao-Mao come back at him and the Mercury of Kayleigh McAlpine; the latter who was on a slow charge.

For his effort, Stripe would bring the Falcon home in fourth place; which is his highest result at any Crown Jewel event. Whether that would be enough to make the day worthwhile is another matter.



Two drivers who would have considered their day to be utter failures were Kuki Muensta and Ugly Arbuckle. Pontiac had arrived with huge expectation for their late-season set of upgrades which cam just in time for Le Mans and Bathurst. What they had not forseen though, was a host of very small niggles; which put paid to them being able to make any use of them.

Hochi Samyang never made it out of 30s all weekend. Antony D'Tigrette had had a semi-decent chance but that all ended when he junked the car. Oglivy Hedgehog never found any kind of rhythm and was never able to find speed in the car. Sticks Baja drove the wheels off the car but found that she kept on bouncing off the rev-limiter down Mulsanne and was easily passed by traffic on the left.

As for Ugly Arbuckle and Kuki Muenster, they found each other mired in 31st and 32nd and decided that the only way that they could find fun for themselves was to have their own private dice. Even then, that was pointless. Arbuckle's #9 machine developed some kind of undervolt issue, which the team were unable to diagnose; and Muenster's #5 Pontiac decided to throw a set of gearbox rings, which meant that just before 2 O'Clock, he was only able to engage 3rd gear, which is completely useless at speed.

At the end of the second hour, the running order was: Moonglow, Mao-Mao, Heeler, Edmundson, Prower, and Bernie.

Hour 3:



Kayleigh McAlpine started the race down the order but by the end of the first hour, was sitting nicely in ninth place. Over the course of the second hour, she was easily the fastest car on track and wound back a very sizeable amount of time. Now as the race entered its third hour, she passed Prower for fourth place, then Stripe Heeler for third, and came up Mao-Mao for second place.

Mao was not about to go down without a fight. He had been brought in to fill a hole left behind by 20W0 series champion Jean-Luc Pikachu and as yet had not really lived up to the promise which he showed. This race though, would be different.

Mao-Mao was able to make his car wide enough to baulk the Scotswoman for the entire run from Mulsanne Corner to Terte Rouge and it looked like this would be enough to hold her for a second lap. Resistance was ultimately futile though as McAlpine sat in behind him for the entire Mulsanne Straight and then pulled to the inside as they reached the rise of the small hill before the end. Discretion became the better part of valour and Mao decided that his best option would be to surrender the position at the next corner. He let McAlpine past; then drove home for a sensible third place.

McAlpine though, went on the charge to see if she could attempt to attack Moonglow who was so far up the road, that she could not see him.

View attachment 172002

At 02:16, the yellow flags were brought out after an incident between James Kojira and Antony D'Tigrette at the Porsche Curves.

Kojira had developed a misfire in his Mercury and was trying to stay to the far left of the circuit. This meant that there were yellow flags being waved from Arnage onwards. D'Tigrette should have been well aware of the slow car ahead, and although he did pull to the right, he still tagged the car in front and the two of then slid into the armco lining the circuit.

The two cars blocking the circuit brought out the safety car; which caused an exodus to the pits and the subsequent scramble saw Moonglow overtake Heeler at the top of the stack again. On the restart, the order was Moonglow, Stripe Heeler, Edmundson, Prower, Mao-Mao, and then Bernie; with the Wartburg driver having had put in a stellar drive to leapfrog many cars en route to what would eventually become a solid eighth place.

On fresh tyres, Moonglow again scooted off into the distance but this time, Mao-Mao was the one who would fight through the gaggle of cars, through Dunlop and finally the Esses and onto Mulsanne. With the bit between his teeth, he sensed that he might be on for a maiden race win; but even trying his hardest, the Toyota simply could not bridge the gap to the very fast Dodge ahead of him.

Yet again McAlpine passed cars as though they were standing still and with no more stops to make and an ever decreasing fuel-load, she took about half an hour to see the back of the Dodge which stood between her and victory.



The final lead change came at 02:47 and what would be three laps from home when Kayleigh McAlpine went around the outside of Moonglow at White House. McAlpine had dialled in her car by trimming it out with less downforce than practically anyone else in the field. This meant that she was one of only a few drivers to hit 220mph going down the Mulsanne Straight. This also meant that she needed to be careful when going into any of the major braking zones, lest the car jank out from underneath her.

Moonglow on the other hand, thought he had been the fastest car all day; so it made little sense as to why McAlpine should be so quick so late? The reason was tyres. Moonglow had run a completely orthodox strategy of stopping three times, to cut the race into quarters, of 45 minutes each. McAlpine had stopped four times, but had picked up an extra stop by severing that last segment half again. Rather than running to a full tank at 45 minutes from home, her car was run to a half-tank 23 minutes from home and with the added benefit of fresher tyres. Effectively this put McAlpine on a last segment qualifying run where the car needed to pick up 3 seconds per minute; which sounds initially insane but not quite so mad when the leader has older tyres.

By circulating no higher than 7th in the first hour, McAlpine had disguised that the car had speed. By only really making up time during the pitstops, it still didn't really look as though the Mercury had the capability of chasing down a road runner. But through careful thinking, the Mercury was fleet of foot at the end when it needed to be.

McAlpine led the final three laps of the race and had the crew call in the gap at the end of every sector. Moonglow saw what was the race win, fall to a ten second margin behind the leader and from there, no more. Kayleigh McAlpine was the reigning champion and while 20X4 was not quite yet a proper defence of that title, this was the drive of someone who knew where she needed to be.

At 3:00 the #3 RBS/Irn-Bru Mercury was rounding White House, and a little while later, it made the little flick left and right and greeted the French flag; wherein it promptly lit up and expired through lack of petrol.

"Yeah, this one is actually Konata's win more than anyone's. Most of the team went off for chicken dinner and we just stayed in and made soup, while we scribbled on printouts. Our running plan was going to be the plan for James but I screwed up qualifying so bad that we made it work for this car. All of France is gonna have whiskey on its breath today... we won!"
- Kayleigh McAlpine, to U62-TV.

Points Awarded - Le Mans 3 Hours:

30 - Kayleigh McAlpine
25 - Ziggy Moonglow
20 - Mao Mao Mao
17 - Stripe Heeler

14 - Kerrod Edmundson
12 - Miles Prower
10 - Walter Kronkyet
9 - Bernie Bernie

8 - Sticks Baja
7 - Kurt Langer
6 - Talon Claw
5 - Tse Sakamoto

4 - Mario Mario
3 - Dr George Claw
2 - Morgan Inkling
1 - Hatsune Miku

Top 20 After 14 Rounds:

59 Hatsune Miku
55 Eggatha Robotnik
52 Kane McKane
48 Kerrod Edmundson
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
42 Kayleigh McAlpine
40 Bandit Heeler
38 Ricardo Sasquini
37 Konata Izumi
35 Bob Nikoban
35 Ugly Arbuckle
35 Ellie McIllan
35 Tse Sakamoto
30 Ziggy Moonglow
29 Chloe Ankha
29 Talon Claw
27 Mario Mario
26 Dr George Claw
25 Antony D'Tigrette
24 Al Yankovic


Round 15 will be held at Bathurst, NSW, in two weeks' time, on 28th Jul.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 15 - Bathurst 500
- Bathurst, NSW



The weekend did not start in the most auspicious way for Ellie McIllan when in Friday practice, her Texaco Falcon found the wall after being tagged in the rear by Dr George Claw at Skyline. Mount Panorama has no hard and fast rule about where slower traffic should go if yielding to faster cars. Bob Nikoban thought that he was doing the right thing by staying on the far left of the circuit while going through MacPhillamy Park. Unfortunately, McIllan who was on a hot lap, saw him and pulled to the outside; just in the wrong place to be tagged in the rear by Claw who was following her at close quarters.

Nikoban was an innocent bystander but the Toyota suffered minimal damage. Claw's Wartburg only suffered a crumpled nose which was cosmetic. However McIllan's Ford had serious subframe damage. Usually this wouldn't be a problem because teams generally bring backup cars but as this was a long flyaway event from Le Mans, McIllan Racing had only brought the primary cars of McIllan and Langer.

The crew worked frantically on Friday night to see if the #74 chassis could be repaired but by the end of Saturday Free Practice, it was still not ready. The decision was then made to essentially pull rank on Langer as his #73 BASF Falcon was hastily renumbered as the #74. As there wouldn't be any time to re-wrap chassis X421 then it would remain in BASF colours for the race on Sunday but with those #74 panels on it. A protest was thrown up by Team Principal for the Pontiac team, Garfield Arbuckle, but it was dismissed as being purely vexatious; especially considering that they had swapped out chassis in the past, even if there was nothing wrong with them.

Curiously, Dr George Claw stepped in and defended Ellie McIllan; by arguing that if he hadn't been there, there wouldn't have been an accident. The protest was withdrawn as most of the teams are generally afraid of the man in black.



Well might they be afraid of the man in black, for at 1pm if was his son who sat on the pole who led the field up Mountain Straight for the first time. Talon Claw had never been on the pole and he was a little bit nervous about either jumping the gun or being bogged down at the start. As this is a 500 mile, nobody was really prepared to challenge him off the start. A marathon is not won in the first hundred yards.

As they rolled through Hell Corner and swung up Mountain Straight for the first time, Konata Izumi roughed up Al Yankovic a bit; although she claimed not to have seen him. They both ended up on the grass on the inside of the circuit and were passed by a bunch of cars as they patiently waited to merge back into the swarm of angry bees.

This left Robert Dee in the #333 Wake The Dead coffee AMC to try and chase Talon Claw over the top of the mountain. As both he and Claw were being tentative while running on cold tyres, they didn't exactly extend their lead very much. Yankovic was back on the charge though and after falling to 6th and passing Izumi, Kronkyet, Hedgehog, and then Dee, he only had Claw in front of him by the time they rattled through Skyline.



This Bathurst 500 hadn't even gotten through one lap and trouble struck. Talon Claw went defensive going into Forrest's Elbow and apparently Al Yankovic, even as two-time champion, wasn't going to put up with what her perceived as disrespect. Yankovic admitted over the radio that he applied the bumper and turned the #11 machine.'

It's just that in doing so, Claw was turned into the 3rd place car of Jimmy Kohler and Robert Dee followed close behind. With four cars now stranded across the track, the rest of the field came to a slow halt behind them; with many of them battered and bruised. This would mean that on just lap 2, there would be a mass exodus for the pits as many teams wanted to assess the damage. Any and all kinds of initial strategy would now be very much in the bin.

The culprit Al Yankovic was long gone. He was already a long way down Conrod Straight before he even saw the yellow flag and there would be no way that anyone would catch him unless a caution came out; which it did. For all his effort he would only be first in the queue behind the pace car, which met him going up Mountain Straight on Lap 2.



On lap 7, Jack Raymond cut a tyre after presumably running over a grate somewhere over the top of the mountain. He was immediately sent all the way to last position and expected to stay there until cars in front of him failed. The first two such failures of sorts, happened on lap 11 when Morgan Inkling accidentally ran into the rear end of Judge John Judd, sending both OSKO cars into the sand trap at Murray's Corner.

With both of them enjoying an impromptu holiday on the sands of Club Med Mount Panorama, it was all they could do to dig their cars out. Having successfully extracted the #14 car, Judd drove around and pushed the #41 out of the sand.

However way down in 39th position and not expecting to see anyone, it was all Raymond could to to avoid hurtling around Murray's Corner and running headlong into them sight unseen. What followed was one of the slowest drag races ever seen on the front straight at Mount Panorama as three cars which had all come to a screeching halt, now set forth under power again.

Yankovic came up pretty quickly upon them, as did Claw; in what promised to be one of the classic long form games of back and forth, as the two leaders traded fastest laps for a while. By lap 30 and at the first set of pit stops, the running order was Yankovic, Claw, McAlpine, Kojira, Sasquini, and Paxton Mann.



After blasting away at the beginning of the race and then trying to extend as much of a lead as he possibly could, by lap 43 Al Yankovic had managed to lap the entire field. In theory he could have eased off an made whole pit stops without losing the lead but seeing as he was dialled in and producing a string of very fine laps, he saw no reason to back off.

On lap 46 while he was trying to drive around the outside of Henri Cornelius and Oglivy Hedgehog at The Cutting, although they duly and politely moved to the far left of the circuit, Yankovic drove to the right and biffed the right front wheel into the wall. This bent a steering arm and while he was trying to make his way back to the pits, a giant train of cars soon formed up behind him. They would all breeze past him as they pulled out of Forrest's Elbow and onto Conrod Straight.

As the seconds ticked away, then dribbled out into the ether, Yankovic's lead evaporated. Although Team UKZA would diganose the problem and get the number 62 machine back out on track, their race was effectively run and the car was not even classified as finishing sufficient laps.



Dr George Claw inherited the lead and he was in his own struggle with Paxton Mann. Mann in only his second season proper, has not yet won a race but with his father as Team Principal it can only be a matter of time. What Mann found was that Claw is a wily operator; who was able to match and cover any of his attempts in even think about making a pass.

Mann learned very quickly that if he was going to get a result here, he would have to be patient about it; so rather than push the issue further, he decided to follow the man in black.

A half-chance presented itself on lap 54 when the crew realised that they would be coming up on fellow Team Yellow Toyota driver Mao Mao Mao. It was pretty obvious that Mao would not be scoring any points today but he could be helpful in acting as a roadblock which Mann might be able to use as a pick. Unfortunately, Claw was experienced and wily enough to see through that too; so merely followed Mao from MacPhillamy Park down the mountain and then went around the outside at Forrest's Elbow. Perhaps Mann thought that there was a shot at the lead but it was only fleeting.

In fact the lead change came on lap 70 when during a pit cycle which saw the entire top 20 come in and out within four laps, it was Robie Robie in the Vauxhall who came out on top. He hadn't even been in the top ten all day but driving to a plan meant that the little yellow robot would be able to pick up time by doing one less stop than everyone else. There was no contest for the lead and no fight put up either.



The thinking was that cars could go 33 laps on a tank of fuel but that cars need to pit no earlier than about lap 100 to be assured to make it home to the end. With Claw having pitted from second place and surrendering it to Bernie Bernie who was having a quiet yet productive race, this meant that third place was the highest logical contestable place.

Bernie had qualified his Wartburg in 22nd place; which mean that he had spent most of the first half of the race picking his way through traffic but as the race wore on an the field became more evenly spaced, around the track, Bernie's quiet run went by mostly unnoticed until the teams saw him fly by while they pitted.

Team MAD had been preparing to put up a fight but when they saw Bernie streak past while they were servicing the boss's car, all they could do was quietly inform him that there would be no fight to be had. When Claw rejoined the race after the last stop, he was resigned to his fate and brought the car home in an uneventful seventh place.



It was pit strategies which finessed together which saw Sticks Baja, Bandit Heeler and Paxton Mann come head to head to head, late in the race. Baja was unlikely to catch the Wartburg in front but the two behind her were very likely to chase her down.

The Heeler Brothers had put together some very nicely built FH Falcons. Stripe has never been as quick as his older brother but it is because that Bandit has been pretty handy at driving a motor car. Try as he might, Heeler could never find his way past Baja and the two of them scrapping with each other, dented their lap times. This gave Paxton Mann ample opportunity to latch onto the back and form a slightly bigger battle pack.

Mann would effect the pass for fourth place to overtake Heeler, going into Murray's Corner under brakes on lap 127. By this stage, everyone's brakes were pretty tired; so Heeler made no attempt to try and retake the position. Baja was already most of the way up Pit Straight by this point; so Mann would be content to accept his fourth place for a job well done.



For Robie, this had been a long time coming. He had gone from being in a potentially championship winning drive at Team Yellow Toyota, to having a famous bust-up, then bouncing from Team UZKA to here at Phil Monroe Racing which this season was branding their cars as Vauxhalls. The little yellow robot was always capable of putting up decent showings but the vicissitudes of motor racing are such that as every other driver is also trying to win, capability often meets a maelstrom.

As Robie took the lead on lap 70 of 130, it looked very much like this was in the bag for a long time. So long as he could maintain the lead over whomever was following, then the race win was assured. By lap 103 he had put a lap on the entire field and just before the end of the race, om lap 128 he had lapped the field again due to superior pit strategy.

There was a wee touch of irony in the fact that Phil Monroe racing, which had run Holdens for many years, in the one running where it was branded as Vauxhall, should win the event. What made this even stranger was that at no point on Friday practice, or on Saturday qualifying, did it look like any of the Vauxhalls were close to winning. As it was, Robie was the only Vauxhall driver to score a point this weekend.

"Me wan say dat me very happy wit car. Car feel like it planted on road; an respond good to input. Me spend many lap at end following Bernie who lap down. Me happy for dem too. Wartburg team always sound like yelling all day long; which mean they not happy very much. Maybe this make them happier in future."
- Robie Robie, to U62-TV.

Points Awarded Bathurst 500:

30 - Robie Robie
25 - Bernie Bernie
20 - Sticks Baja
17 - Paxton Mann

14 - Bandit Heeler
12 - Judge John Judd
10 - Dr George Claw
9 - Jeb Brown

8 - Ugly Arbuckle
7 - Dr Ivo Robotnink
6 - James Kojira
5 - Stripe Heeler

4 - Donkey Kong
3 - Kayleigh McAlpine
2 - Antony D'Tigrette
1 - Xavier Zangoose

Top 20 After 15 Rounds:

59 Hatsune Miku
55 Eggatha Robotnik
54 Bandit Heeler
52 Kane McKane
48 Kerrod Edmundson
45 Kayleigh McAlpine
43 Ugly Arbuckle
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
38 Ricardo Sasquini
37 Konata Izumi
37 Robie Robie
36 Dr George Claw
35 Bob Nikoban
35 Ellie McIllan
35 Tse Sakamoto
35 Sticks Baja
34 Bernie Bernie
30 Ziggy Moonglow
29 Chloe Ankha
29 Talon Claw

Round 16 will be held at Fuji Speedway, Japan, in three weeks' time on the 18th of August.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 16 - Fuji Speedway, Nippon TT
- Fuji Speedway, JAP

The teams arrived in Japan to begin the fourth quarter of the season after a break of three weeks. It is this late in the season that teams can start ruling a line through the season standings as every round brings what is effectively the cut line, higher and higher. Possibly someone can go on a late season tear to win the season but with each passing round it becomes ever more unlikely.



With Greg Rellings putting his Mazda 989 on pole, there was the thought that maybe he would stitch together a good enough performance to finally get his maiden win. The Brillant Resources Type 11 chassis though, on a very long straight such as the front stretch at Fuji, creates such a precise hole in the air that being in front of a train of cars in a straight line, is a bit like being a sitting duck in a barrel at the shooting range.

Rellings' lead lasted exactly one corner as Bandit Heeler in the Hammerbarn Falcon, pulled out a classic feint by jinking it to the far left of the track so that when Rellings tried to cover the line, he had the space on the inside to throw a late-braking move. Rellings race would progressively get worse as inexperience only served to prove that he could be beaten by lesser equipment. Although having said that, Heeler would lose the race lead in almost identical circumstances just two laps later when Jack Raymond in the #88 Telecom Vauxhall, threw the same move and at the same corner.

Jack Raymond was having an abysmal season. After winning the 20X3 Bathurst 500 and coming fourth, he was expecting to consolidate and challenge for the title in 20X4. However most of 20X4 as far as he had been concerned, has been him fighting a car which should have been good but just wasn't. Phil Monroe Racing just hasn't really dialled in the Brilliant Resources 11 chassis the way that they though they would and even though they have found race wins here and there, it has been patchy. Indeed, Raymond's only points this season have come by claiming the British TT at Silverstone. Here at Fuji Raceway was no better, with early promise eventually fading to 14th.

This whole group would eventually fall away as the real speed began to show itself. Terminal top speed down the main straight was certainly important but there was time to be made right through the rest of the lap. After the first round of pitstops on Lap 29, Eggatha Robotnik began tocarve her way through the field and rose from 8th to the lead on fresh tyres. She was followed by Miles Prower and Robie Robie in the two Vauxhalls, who found speed where Raymond didn't by running together as a tandem for a while.

By lap 50, Eggatha's lead had stablised to about 30 seconds; with the two Vauxhalls within a second of each other, and another ten seconds back to Kurt Langer in the BASF Falcon.



On lap 57 of 90, while going down the main straight, Konata Izumi tried to draft Stanley Spidalski and successfully pulled out and flew past. What she didn't count on was that Spidalski was not at all happy with this and as she tried to merge back into the line of traffic, he wiggled to the left and tagged her rear right quarter panel, thus sending her into a spin at 185mph. The Mercury slid sideways down the main straight and clattered to the armco before being turned around and coming to a stop in the gravel trap in Turn 1.

The Safety Car came out and immediately the entire field except for Greg Rollings went into the pits for four fresh tyres and enough fuel to make it to the end of the race. Rellings who played a gamble and who hoped to pick up some places with an overcut, merely found himself where he was at the beginning of the race but this time, with worse tyres than literally everyone. His crew thought better of it and pulled him into the pits; wherein he rejoined on the end of a very long line of cars.

Some sterling pit crew work from Team Yellow Toyota saw Mao Mao-Mao win the race off of pit row, to take away the lead from Robie Robie and it would be him who would lead the field back to the green flag. Mao had shown that he was capable of putting in a decent result at Le Mans, and here at Fuji he had the opportunity to turn that potential into a race win.



Following the restart, Mao held the lead for exactly one corner. Robie saw the black Toyota cover the racing line going into Turn 1; then was able to brake later and cross over the Toyota, to win the inside of the very long sweeping right hander. Mao might have had more power but for the next 20 laps was a display of how to defend a position. Robie was never able to extend the lead to more than a few car lengths but he did cut off every braking zone and every exit.

Behind them, Eggatha Robotnik makde short work of Miles Prower and put a decent gap in between herself and the Vauxhall. Quite apart from the drama caused by the management of the team above her, Eggatha has been quietly amassing points this season. This result in third was enough to send her to the top of the championship standings; and if she should win the championship in just four rounds' time, she will have achieved something that her father was never able to do.

However, this race was about Robie stamping his authority all over everything. The little yellow robot after bouncing from Team Yellow Toyota to Team UZKA, and having won the Bathurst 500 for Monroe Motorsport, was now jubilant in his kerb hopping and racecraft. Could he have pulled out a lead over Mao? Did he even need to? It didn't matter. Mao-Mao was never close enough to make any kind of challenge for the lead and for 30 laps, Robie just reeled them off like this was a testing run.

"Me very happy to win at Fuji. Dis good for championship and me within striking distance of title."
- Robie Robie, to U62-TV

Point Awarded Round 16:

15 - Robie Robie
12 - Mao Mao-Mao
10 - Eggatha Robotnik
8 - Miles Prower
6 - Kurt Langer
5 - Mario Mario
4 - Judge John Judd
3 - Walter Kronkyet
2 - Bandit Heeler
1 - Stanley Spidalski

Top 20 Standings After 16 Rounds:

65 Eggatha Robotnik
59 Hatsune Miku
56 Bandit Heeler
52 Kane McKane
52 Robie Robie
48 Kerrod Edmundson
45 Kayleigh McAlpine
43 Ugly Arbuckle
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
38 Ricardo Sasquini
37 Konata Izumi
36 Dr George Claw
35 Bob Nikoban
35 Ellie McIllan
35 Tse Sakamoto
35 Sticks Baja
34 Bernie Bernie
33 Mao Mao Mao
32 Mario Mario
30 Ziggy Moonglow

Round 17 will be held at Three Sevens Speedway, Japan, on Sep 1.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 17 - The Golden Halo 250
- Three Sevens Speedway

Three Sevens Speedway claims to be a one-mile tri-oval. This is of course a blatant absurdity by definition, as a tri-oval has a turn in the mittdle of it. This means that after exiting the tri-oval cars pass through Turn 2, to be sent down the back straight into a very tight pair of turns at 3 and 4.

Three Sevens Speedway was built by Service Games Corp as part of a series of attractions for a theme park. The park didn't do as well as hoped and within two years, it closed. This meant that the speedway fell into quiet disrepair until the Japan Auto Federation took it on as a going concern and resurrected the speedway.



Pole sitter Talon Claw sat on the inside of a Team MAD front row lockout. The Wartburgs had generally been quick around the one mile oval in Saitama Prefecture and when the Doctor put the familiar Number 10 on pole, the result almost looked to be a foregone conclusion. Nobody got within a second except for Talon, who managed to pip his father at the post by 0.001 of a second.

On the opening lap as they both sped off into the distance, it was clear that whomever was going to win this race would either do so through superior speed, or perhaps with luck, or a combination of both. 250 miles was the scheduled distance; which meant that the ideal strategy was three stops.

The two Claws were brought back to the pack on lap 71 when after having built up a gap to Jack Raymond in third and Tse Sakamoto a way back, an angry peloton formed roughly half a track behind. In such a pack, nobody can predict the micro-forces that clink and counter clink between cars but when there is a deliberate nudge, those micro-forces are all magnified and wreak havoc.

Sitting in seventh place, Eggatha Robotnik was unhappy about Koffing coming down the racetrack and stealing her middle lane in a three-wide pack. So she nudged Koffing in the right rear; turning him into the path of Bandit Heeler and Mario Mario who was closely following behind, ploughed headlong into Heeler.

"Of course I deliberately hit the gasball. He was a ****ing moron; so I got rid of him."
"You can't say that on the radio."
"Why not? I'd do it again."
- Eggatha Robotnik to Crew Chief Quebert Major, via Fuji TV3.

"Koffing! Koff-koff koff koff? KOFFING!"
- Koffing to Team Principle Philip Monroe, via Fuji TV3.

An unexpected sight was seen in pit lane as Koffing floated down pit-lane towards the crew of the #12 Wartburg. Exactly what he said to them is unknowable, but it very quickly became apparent that some kind of psychic violence had been done.



After the incident on Lap 71, the two Team MAD Wartburgs again stormed off into the distance. They were pulled back again when caution was again brought out five laps later. Oglivy Hedgehog while trying to go around the outside of Hatsune Miku, collected the wall at Turn 4 and the car rolled along the wall across the stripe. As teams had already pitted under green flag conditions on lap 63, there were no takers for the pits under caution.

After the field was reracked, Ugly Arbuckle slid underneath the two Wartburgs going into Turn 1 and to the front of the field. His plan was to keep his Pontiac up front for as long as possible. He would be followed by Judge John Judd and Ellie McIllan and it is from this group, that the lead of the race was exchanged for the rest of the day. Both the Doctor and Talon faded slightly as a tactical move; hoping to again bounce back late in the race. This hope was never fulfilled.

On lap 104, Dr George Claw came up behind Ricardo Sasquini who was a lap down, and then doored him going into Turn 2. Sasquini was spent sliding sideways down the back straight and lost four places. Sasquini was not happy about this and held a grudge about it. As the lead swapped back and forth up front, Sasquini climbed from fourteenth back to tenth and this is when payback happened.

While holding down tenth place, Claw was aware that Sasquini was behind him and effected the block on lap 123. Sasquini who as also aware that whatever his intent was, that teams would nominally be pitting at the half way point on lap 125, saw his opportunity. In a move that can best be described as cynical, Sasquini made little attempt to brake going into Turn 4, and blatantly collected Claw in the rear left quarter panel. With both cars spun around and facing backwards on the track, caution was brought out.

Quite literally the entire field came down pit road on lap 125, Sasquini was held for the expected 15-second time penalty in the pits and merely rejoined the race on the queue of cars which he had come off of under caution. Sure, he had lost about twenty-five positions but the penalty was practically pointless.

When the field pitted on lap 188, Hatsune Miku when to the front of the field with some fancy pit crewing but she would be passed for the lead on lap 193. Miku would then fall a little down the field as the run wore one, as drivers with better long-run cars eased on by.



This race would not be decided until lap 250 of 250. Ugly Arbuckle swung underneath Kayleigh McAlpine coming through the tri-oval and into Turn 2 on lap 249. His hope would be that he could hold off all comers and finally take that maiden race win. As they crossed the stripe for the 250th and final time, he was not prepared for the surge around the outside.

Ellie McIllan in the Texaco Ford pushed Judge John Judd in the Team OSKO Mazda through the tri-oval and into Turn 2 and the two of them had so much speed and held the top line, that if Ugly wanted to wash up the racetrack, he would have taken all three out. This left Judd out in the lead and with the problem that whatever way he decided to go through Turns 3 and 4, McIllan would go the other.

Judd decided to hug the bottom and as sure as night follows day, McIllan rolled the top of Turns 3 and 4, carried the extra speed down what little of that small shute there is, and stole the race win there at the line. Judd came in second and well ahead of Arbuckle, who was under another challenge from Kayleigh McAlpine, and there was a massive gap back to Kane McKane who had already rolled the dice and come up with nothing in particular.

Further down the field, Miku passed the two Claws on lap 246 and Sasquini would win a pyrrhic victory by finally passing them on lap 249. Four points would be his reward, whereas Dr George Claw rued the loss of 12 points and potentially a fourth championship as the cut line moved to 20 points and rising.

"We're still not quite where we want to be but seasons are not decided by a single race. We will still need to go back and work but at least hope is still alive."
- Ellie McIllan, to U62-TV.

Points Awarded Round 17:

15 - Ellie McIllan
12 - Judge John Judd
10 - Ugly Arbuckle
8 - Kayleigh McAlpine
6 - Kane McKane
5 - Hatsune Miku
4 - Ricardo Sasquini
3 - Dr George Claw
2 - Talon Claw
1 - Henri Cornelius

Top 20 Standings After 17 Rounds:

65 Eggatha Robotnik
64 Hatsune Miku
58 Kane McKane
56 Bandit Heeler
53 Kayleigh McAlpine
53 Ugly Arbuckle
52 Robie Robie
50 Ellie McIllan
48 Kerrod Edmundson
42 Oglivy Hedgehog
42 Ricardo Sasquini
39 Dr George Claw
38 Judge John Judd
37 Konata Izumi
35 Bob Nikoban
35 Tse Sakamoto
35 Sticks Baja
34 Bernie Bernie
33 Mao Mao Mao
32 Mario Mario

Round 18 will be held at The Interdimensional Rift, ???, on Sep 15.