The Goof - 20X9

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Rollo75

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#1
If this breaks the rules. Remove it.

"All universes are canon. There are no crossovers because there is only one universe and everyone is already in it."
- Book Of Kohl's: 7:11

In the year 19X6, a mysterious being known simply as 'The Controller' started kidnapping people (your mileage may vary on what the defintion of 'people' is) from their worlds and forced them to compete against each other in a series of motor races. The mercurial Controller seemingly removed them at random and returned them at random; steadily compiling a core cast of characters, rouges and ne'er-do-wells, for nothing more than his own amusement.
Legends rose through the universe (universii? What is the plural of universe?); legends which spoke of strange machinery; which was far beyond the realm of comprehension of anyone in the universe. Tales were told by people who had been pulled at random and who had been witnesses and had been returned to tell their tales. Sometimes the spectators became part of the spectacle and they too were given machines to compete with.
Every so often though, the machinery which drove the world, broke down and had to be replaced. Versions 1, 2, and 3 came and went, and for a while the Legends had their own eponymously named machinery.

In 20X8, the machinery broke down again and new machinery had to be built. Those who competed in previous editions would retain no memory of the races which went before, nor of the legends which had been written; just as it happened thrice before. The records would be reset. New legends would be written. The Controller would continue to play with his puppets for his own amusement.

This is the take of the 20X9 season.


Round 1 - The Biscuits and Gravy Cup.

"Beware the Heat" - The B-Roll Race.


72 drivers found themselves deposited at Middle Georgia Speedway in 1965. The sounds of rock and roll, and country music filled the air while the world was still looking into the skies at the fledgling space program and the moon, in hope that one day, someone would kick the tyres of a car sent there. These 72 drivers were sorted into an A-roll and a B-roll, with the best 18 from both races to race in a main race afterwards.
Points in the two preliminary races would be awarded to the top 6 on a 9, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1 basis and the main race would have points awarded to the top 12 as, 20, 17, 15, 10, 8, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. This would be the format for the ten race series, to be concluded on the ides of the month.

The first qualifying session of the year took place in 104° heat and it was obvious that in this heat, whoever could make their tyres work for that one lap window before they went off, would take the pole. It looked to be sewn up by Mosura who was in a Nissan Motor Company car (with Gojira having been assigned to race in the A-roll) but the time was pipped by Beepa The Owl who was driving for team Telecom.

The B-Roll race over 30 laps, very quickly turned into a kind of processional up front, with Sephiroth and Cloud Strife who were both driving for the ShinRa Power Corporation, passing through the first corner and into the lead. Sephiroth was never headed again but Cloud Strife was reeled back in again as the tyres slowly faded.

B1.jpg

The pole sitter Mosura who had been passed by both of the ShinRa cars, found himself being chased down and hounded by Alphonse Elric who was carrying sponsorship from BHP Steel and Jim O'Malley who mysteriously had picked up funding from a defunct internet banking group called Egg.

B2.jpg

Further down the field, the Mario twins who started on the back row, fought their way into the 18 and both managed to make the cut on the final lap.
From second place to tenth, the clump was separated by just three seconds. Mosura the pole sitter, had fallen as low as ninth before climbing back to fourth. Cloud had slowly fallen back to sixth. Beepa The Owl who had been knocking on the door for the points just sneaked in at the end but second place was taken by Alphonse Elric who had started behind his brother in twelfth.

B3.jpg

Points Standings - B-Race:
9 - Sephiroth
6 - Alphonse Elric
4 - Jim O'Malley
3 - Mosura
2 - Beepa The Owl
1 - Cloud Strife
 

Rollo75

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#2
"A Mysterious Gas" - The A-Roll Race.

Before the A Race had even started, questions and protests were already being thrown around. Robie the Robot, who claimed to be from Radio Shack but was very clearly some kind of secret government experiment, put his car on pole quite competently. Behind him sat Hatsune Miku, Darth Vader and Koffing.

It was bad enough having a robot on pole but to have whatever Miku was (how does a hologram drive a car?), a driver who could use some kind of space magic and a ball of gas at the front of the field sent some competitors straight to the rule books and the Marshall's office.


Their fears were soon realised when on lap 3, Koffing dived for the apron at the bottom of the track and couldn't make the turn in. His momentum carried him back up through the corner and into the path of Miku and Vader who were both challenging for the lead.

A1.jpg

The great benefactor of this was Kermit the Frog in the Greens-Tuf Falcon, who not only had a clear run at Robie but dragged Knuckles The Echidna with him, who had been sitting in his draft. They would gradually pull away from the field.

A surprise packet was the relative success of the two ZaZ Auto entries, driven by the not at all suspiciously named Walter Kronkyet
and Bernie Bernie. They spoke very quietly around the paddock and their cars were constantly behind screens; so rumours abounded that their operations were not exactly above board. No protests were lodged against them though, as merely acting suspiciously is not sufficient grounds to have the book thrown at you.
A2.jpg

The race result was something of a formality as Kermit drove his big green Falcon with such aplomb that he was beginning to put laps on cars at the end; having passed both Vader whose car was smoking but still limping and Hatsune Miku who was fighting with a broken tie-rod end, twice. He wasn't quite able to put a second lap on Koffing; whom it must be said looked somewhat out of his depth, which is understandable for a driver who is literally a giant gas ball.

A3.jpg

The top six places in the preliminary A-roll race were awarded the following points:

Points Standings - A-Race:
9 - Kermit
6 - Knuckles
4 - Robie
3 - Garfield Arbuckle
2 - Walter Kronkyet
1 - Dr Ivo Robotnik

Naturally protests were lodged by both Miku and Vader against Koffing but these were dismissed and not heard by The Controller. The Controller remained silent and elusive and the clouds rolled in.
 
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Rollo75

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Dec 1, 2018
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rollo75.blogspot.com
#3
"The Gloves Stay On" - The Main Event.

Serious questions were being asked after the race over not just the legality of letting Koffing drive a race car but how it was even technically possible. As far as anyone could tell, he didn't even have any limbs. In the paddock he just kind of floated around like a gas filled balloon; occasionally venting a horribly smelly cloud wherever he went. How he drove a car left too many questions that would remain unanswered. Did he just kind of fill the cabin as a stinky cloud? How did he operate the steering wheel and the gear lever and the pedals? What was his helmet actually for, considering that he didn't really have any discernable skull? These questions would be best left unknown.
Further questions were being asked up and down the paddock over competitors like Sonic The Hedgehog, Gojira, Pacman, and Gonzo, over why any of them should be given machinery to race in. To those questions, The Controller only offered photographs of series before; which were only recalled as dim memories.

The main race would be a forty lap struggle; but before a wheel had turned, a hastily formed Driver's Association met in the central compound of the infield before the race. The winner they decided, would demand an explanation for why they had been all kidnapped and taken to be part of this strange racing series. When the flag dropped though, the red mist descended and all niceties were thrown out the window.
Whatever goodwill had been gained in that initial meeting was quickly burned as on lap two, Walter Kronkyte in the ZaZ swept high through a turn and took out both Robie and Robotnik. The stranded Robie would be collected by Jong Wah and he would be inverted.

M1.jpg

With cars littering turn 4 and only yellow flags in place, radio messages were sent to race control in a state of both rage and confusion. Why was race control not doing anything? When the mess was cleared and the course was brought to full green, the ZaZ Auto cars pushed all aside and began to carve out quick times. Kermit soon followed as did Mifune Go but again, tyres were unpredictable and positions began to swap as degredation rates were subject to how well the drivers could manage their rubber.

M2.jpg

Kronkyet who was left in the lead was now subject to fending off both Kermit and Knuckles who had finished 1st and 2nd in the A preliminary race. None of them could have predicted the charge of the mysterious Doctor Claw who had finished a lowly 11th in the preliminary and who wanted to win, so that he could demand an answer as to why they were all here. Dr Claw's win was viewed by many up and down pit row as a strange kind of injustice but they couldn't fault the fact that patience had won the race.


M3.jpg

The mysterious Doctor who wore a helmet so dark that you couldn't see his face and gloves that looked as though they were made of metal, banged on the door of race control; demanding an answer as why they were here and what the purpose of all this was but that answer would remain undiscovered as after the race, The Controller had already left; leaving them only six chartered cargo planes to transport their war wagons and cars. There would be no answers today.

Main Race 1:

20 - Dr George Claw
17 - Knuckles the Echidna
15 - Kermit the Frog
12 - Walter Kronkyet
10 - Bernie Bernie
8 - Mifune Go
6 - Kane O'Malley
5 - Garfield Arbuckle
4 - Gadget
3 - Bruce Wayne
2 - Pac Man
1 - Robert McIllan

Season Standings:
24 - Kermit the Frog
23 - Knuckles the Echidna
20 - Dr George Claw
14 - Walter Kronkyet
10 - Bernie Bernie
9 - Sephiroth
8 - Mifune Go
8 - Garfield Arbuckle
6 - Alphonse Elric
6 - Kane O'Malley
4 - Jim O'Malley
4 - Robie Robot
4 - Gadget
3 - Mosura
3 - Bruce Wayne
2 - Beepa The Owl
2 - Pac Man
1 - Cloud Strife
1 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
1 - Robert McIllan


Round 2 will head to Knoxville on 5th February.
 
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