The Goof 20X3

[Rollo75]

Round 15: Mount Pocono

The tricky triangle at Pocono is already a distinctly different track. The treacherous triangle at Mount Pocono, which was build as a replica of the former, by MAD Corporation, is nothing short of mind-numblingly eejitacious. The inside of Turn 1 is the lowest point on the track before the insane climb up the mountain to the Mountain Turn of Turn 2, before a flat out run though Turn 3 and back down the front straight; where speeds of 240 mph are commonplace.

This place has been likened in the past to the world's stupidest roller-coaster and like the world's maddest soap-box derby track.



Holden Motor Corp. had a plan this weekend, they were going to debut their packages for Le Mans and Bathurst, then see if they could any kind of early speed out of them, tweak it, and cuss all the consquences. If Holden ended up with all of their cars scoring no points at all, then it would be no different to the previous few weeks. This weekend would be either about swinging for the fences, or ploughing into them.

Jack Raymond put the #88 machine on pole and managed speeds of a shade over 240mph down the front stretch by lap 4 but that involved banging off the rev limiter and the car duly exploded and failed on lap 6. Kane McKane in the #37 Target entry, found that he could fight his way up through the field pretty easily but that cam at the expense of wearing out the tyres in a hurry. His race was more of an experimental run more than anything else.

This left Mario Mario as the most logical Holden driver who might score a result this weekend, and as a privateer with autonomy, he was prepared to accept the suite of new untested equipment but because he did not have the budget of the others, he was not prepared to pound it into the dirt to see where it failed. Still, when the two Holdens in front of him failed by about the end of lap 10, he was Johnny-On-The-Spot; with Konata Izumi in the legacy Datsun and curiously Jessie Musashi who was having a relatively fun weekend, in third place.

The 120 lap slugfest at Mount Pocono was so abrasive on front right hand tyres that the only sensible strategy would be to split the race into three and pit on laps 40 and 80. Mario led the field during the first round of green flag pitstops but overshot his pitbox and that proved to be enough to resign him to never leading another lap for the day. Miles Prower again showed an uncanny amount of speed as he had done at Trenton and he ran into a purlple patch; posting purple sectors and purple lap times.

Prower assumed the lead on lap 41 and then led every lap from 41, including beyond the second round of pitstops starting at lap 79, until lap 87 when trouble broke out behind him. Calamity and chaos leaked out all over the place between the Mountain Turn and Turn 3 and Prower would lose the lead off of the restart on lap 93 to Mario Mario.

That incident demands a more in-depth explaination.



Heading out of the Moutain Turn and back down the hill into Turn 3, there appeared to be an act of revenge carried out by Koffing in the #109 Chevrolet against Strong Bad's #78 Ford Falcon. Koffing janked right across the track in a perfectly executed move to hook the Ford, and the two of them slid down the hill and into the barrier on the inside. In doing so, a bunch of cars checked up behind them, resulting in a stack up and a bunch of cars suffering nose and tail damage and paying the outside wall a visit.

The audio at the time of the incident is only marked with two words:

"Koff.. Koffing!"

Not only is it unknowable exactly what Koffing means with any part of his speech, but the teams who have prepped his car over the years are also unsure how he manages to drive a car with no legs and arms. Rules also stipulate that in the case of non-humanoid competitors (such as robots and whatever the hell Koffing is), that cars must be fitted with wire mesh Faraday Cages. It is also unknown if a Faraday Cage has any effect whatsoever on what is presumed to be a psychic effect when Koffing drives the car.

"I'd like-a to say... Holy Crap!
That bag of gas is going to find himself having to explain himself to my fists in the car park later"
- Strong Bad, to U62-TV.

For his part, Strong Bad would not accept any responsibility for previous actions which had happened on track when he arrived back at the infield care centre. The only thigs bruised were his ego and his temper and he was utterly livid; going so far as to say that Koffing should have his licence revoked.

"Do you accept Strong Bad's statement that you should have your licence taken away?"
"Koff, koff koff koff... ko koff koff. Koff koffing, kof koff? Ko, ko koff!"
- Interview with Koffing, on U62-TV.

Post race inspection of the footage from both cars and the TV broadcast, indicated that for the three laps prior to the incident, Strong Bad had been given Koffing taps in the rear bumper going down the main straight and the overtaking move which had happened on that same lap 76, was because Strong Bad had bumped Koffing out of the way going through Turn 1, causing the #109 Chevrolet to tail wag and hit the wall on exit.

Post race tech inspection also revealed that both the right hand side steering arm and a rear right toe link had been broken when the #109 bruised the wall. It is also unknown whether or not whatever psychic ability Koffing has, extends to knowing about the mechanical integrity of his motor car. Either way, the psychic ball of gas knew exactly what was happening to him and presumably dealt out an exact amount of revenge.

Strong Bad was seen in the paddock attempting to beat up on Koffing with his fists, but the floating ball of gas merely looked smug as the blows amounted to nothing at all. They appeared to have reconciled their differences because even further into the race they were both seen sitting underneath the umbrellas at the Rejkavic Warm Ones pavillion, with some warm ones. Again it is unknown how a ball like Koffing picks up bottles; nor is it known what happens to the liquid once he has drunk it.



After the restart, Mario Mario again tried to command the lead but was passed on lap 97 by Miles Prower heading up the hill towards the Mountain Turn and Prower himself would be passed a lap later by Ugly Arbuckle who had risen up through the field from 11th and got an amazing run down the hill and used his momentum to roll the outside going through Turn 3.

Prower could sit behind the Chevrolet but Toyota power was simply not not enough to get close, either going up the mountain or down the front straight. It did not help that Mario Mario and Walter Kronkyet both had amazing traction coming out of Turn 3 and would try to force the issue going into Turn 1, but Prower was able to shut the door. It would be these repeated attempts to shut down the runs from behind, which meant that he could not attack the orange Chevrolet, which slowly drifted away into the distance.

Having threatened with speed at Ontario and never quite capitalising on it, the works Chevrolet team finally broke through and Garfield "Ugly" Arbuckle Jr. scored his maiden win. In days of old, Garfield Arbuckle Sr. had taken the #6 to victory and even challenged the likes of Nigel Levins and Patrick Mann to the edge of championships but they never materialised for him. Ugly, being the one of seven sons, was cheered on by an ecstatic orange crew.

With the added help of coming off of the Mountain and being able to practically go full throttle through Turn 3, the #9 Halfords Chevrolet topped out at the fastest speed ever seen in any round of The Goof at 249mph. Of course this has raised significant concerns about the safety of the cars and the tracks used.

Behind him, another orange car put in a commendable performance which on any other day may have bagged a win. Miles Prower finished 37 seconds behind Arbuckle Jr. and was in danger of falling into the clutches of Mario Mario, before the latter was involved in a late-race dice with Walter Kronkyet. The two Holden drivers running slightly different spec equipment (VH and VJ) found that because they were both using the Holden 305 motor, that neither of them had any advantage anywhere over the other.

Behind them, Kayleigh McAlpine drove an anonymous yet productive race to add to her tally at the top of the table; with a 5th place and 4 useful points.

Points Awarded Round 15:

15 - Ugly Arbuckle
10 - Miles Prower
8 - Mario Mario
6 - Walter Kronkyet
4 - Kayleigh McAlpine
3 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
2 - Hochi Samyang
1 - Oglivy Hedgehog

The biggest bombshell of the weekend happened not on track but after the race when two-time champion Patrick Mann announced that he would retire effective immediately.

"I am just not interested in rolling around and competing week in and out for minor points places occasionally. My drive is gone. The fire is out.
Now before you all go crazy, I have already lined up my replacement. You've all seen him in the garages for years and we're going to give him his first ever start, next round at Le Mans.
The driver of the number 22 for Le Mans will be... Paxton Mann."
- Patrick Mann to Dave Vegemite on the "Vegemite and Mandarin Show", WITZ 620am.

Paxton Mann, known around the garages as Pac-Man Junior, at just 16 years old will be the youngest ever starter of a Goof race. The McIllan twins of Natalie and Ellie both debuted after their 18th birthday; so Paxton easily beats that record. Apparently Paxton had been testing the car at the Matsushita Electrodrome and had been turning in faster laps than his father. It must be said though, turning laps by yourself at a short track and racing at one of the longest tracks, are very different things. Starting in an endurance race as a debut is a very big ask.

Top 20 After 15 Rounds:

49 Kayleigh McAlpine
43 Jack Raymond
40 Morgan Inkling
39 Mario Mario
37 Kane McKane
35 Al Yankovic
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
28 Jean-Luc Pikachu
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Asuka Langley
26 Bruno Gourdo
26 Miles Prower
24 Bandit Heeler
24 Walter Kronkyet
21 Chloe Ankha
19 Konata Izumi
19 Sticks Baja
18 Tse Sakamoto
18 Stanley Spidalski
17 Dr George Claw

The next round is the Le Mans 3 Hours, which will be held on 20th August.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 16 - The Le Mans 3 Hours

It was one of those bright lazy days of summer that saw The Goof set off for their annual jaunt around Circuit De La Sarthe. France had decided to put on a lovely day in the lazy end of summer, with an airy 25 degree day. When the French flag fell to mark the start of the race, it was accompanied by the afternoon smell of Les Kebabs and spun sugar fairy floss floating on the breeze.

The Le Mans 3 Hours has no set race distance. The cars are held stationary at Le Maison Blanc until 12:59pm and then paced so that as 1pm ticks over, the are very close to crossing the line. THe chequered flag falls at 4pm regardless of where anyone is on circuit; which means the amount of time that anyone has to catch the leader is always less than that one last lap.

Hour 1:



For pole sitter Ellie McIllan, it was a chance to give her 20X3 campaign the jolt that it needed. She would be harried in the early stages of the race by a trio of Mazdas in Greg Rellings, Tse Sakamoto, and Dr Ivo Robotnik. With Bandit Heeler, Al Yankovic, Kerrod Edmundson, and Robie Robie occupying the next few positions, this meant that the first car which wasn't either a Ford or a Mazda, was Jack Raymond's Holden in ninth.

The field was cautious as they headed over the hill and underneath the Dunlop bridges for the first time but once they hit the open cathedral of speed that is the Mulsanne Straight, any hint of cautiousness had disappeared.

It was a baptism of fire for Paxton Mann who made his debut in the #22 Team Yellow Toyota, made famous by his dual champion Patrick Mann. At just 16 years old, Patrick had hoped to have his son start the Le Mans 3 Hour and kind of noodle about at the back of the field. If this race went according to plan, then Paxton would have got some valuable seat time in actual race conditions.

One can never account for the knavery of other competitors though, and coming into the right hander at the end of Mulsanne, the #22 was tagged in the rear quarter panel and sent helplessly careening sideways into slow moving traffic ahead. Having never been in a situation like this before, Paxton put his foot hard on the brakes and crossed his arms across his chest; waiting for the impact. He clouted the #9 entry of Ugly Arbuckle, who is also in a rookie season; and also collected Donkey Kong's #95 entry, which got hit so hard in the rear end that it broke the axles away from the diff housing in the transaxle.

"What the hell happened there? I was minding my own business and someone has just full-on janked me going into the roundabout at Mulsanne."
- Paxton Mann, via U62-TV.

"Are you okay buddy?"
"Yeah, we're good. That yellow thing just came outa nowhere."
"Can you come back to us?"
"Nah, we're junk."
- Garfield Arbuckle and "Ugly" Arbuckle Jr. via U62-TV.

Of course this warranted review by the stewards and when they reviewed the footage, the guilty party was Dr. George Claw; who remained unrepentant for his actions.

"The little **** just gave me the ****. No offence kid but if you want to run with the big boys, you've got to take a few hits."
- Dr George Claw, via U62-TV

Dr. Claw was given a black flag for unsporting behaviour and a ten second time penalty; which in the grand scheme of the Le Mans 3 Hour, is like punishing a criminal by putting them on the naughty step. He came in, cleared the black flag and served his time penalty and was back out with a clear racetrack around him.



Mulsanne was not done eating victims. Feeding time for the monster is all the time and it is neither a respecter of fortunes or reputations.

Ellie McIlan had comfortably drawn out a lead of two seconds to the second placed Sakamoto and was still pushing to build time and space out front. Trouble struck when the hybrid system decided to reset itself towards the end of the Mulsanne Straight and despite McIllan's best efforts, it seized and locked the rear tyres. With no real ability to change gears or select Neutral, McIllan made the choice to dump the car into the sand at the end of the straight.

Unfortunately, with tyres locked, she struck the concrete wall on the exit of the corner and the black Falcon was again destined to score zero points in a race this season. By this stage, Mazda had a lockout up front, with Sakamoto, Rellings, the two Robotniks, Claw, Inkling and Sasquini occupying the first seven places. The first non-Mazda was Bandit Heeler in his Falcon, and Yankovic and Spidalski with their Team UZKA Falcons shadowing him.

As the hybrid system is common among all of the Ford drivers and the sole Mercury in the race, FoMoCo hastily issued a bulletin asking teams to relay telemetry error messages. Error codes are not necessarily a sign of impending failure, as most of the time they will be minor sending issues caused by the fact that engines spin at 130 times every second. However, with a failure such as this, FoMoCo did not want to have a catastrophic failure which could have been avoided.

As Paxton Mann had learned the hard way on the opening lap, the walk from the roundabout at Mulsanne back to the pits, is a very very long one. By the time that she did finally make it back to the pits, the hour mark was fast approaching and teams had already started to pit their cars. The entire set of Mazdas came in at once; with the Fords shadowing them almost immediately. This meant that Miles Prower in the #7 Toyota, by virtue of staying out, was now top of the stack; having climbed eleven places in the space of less than a minute.



Just after the stroke of the first hour, race leader Miles Prower in his National Colour 7 Toyota found himself under attack from Konata Izumi in the Datsun. Unbeknownst to Prower who had pitted in the lead and then reassumed the lead, Izumi had stayed out for way longer and was trying to see how long she could make the fuel and tyres last.

The whole Datsun program was one that stalled badly. After years of trying, head office simply decided that the budget no longer existed. This meant that previous works entries of Gojira and Rodan had nowhere to go. As Datsun's customer program had also been lacklustre, it too was culled. This left Konata Izumi and the Northern Star crew with a Racing Entitlement Contract but no factory support. What they were able to wrangle though, was four outgoing chassis, ten engines, and a stack of tyres, for the grand price of 100 Yen.

With no real chance of a race win and certainly no real hope of any kind of championship tilt, Izumi and the team were hoping to put on any kind of display which might attract the attention of a bigger enigneering firm and or maybe a factory outfit. Their hopes were answered when after the Le Mans 3 Hours, Hop Parker, the Admin Director of McAlpine Motorsports held out a lifeline for 20X4, in whatever capacity that team would be running next season. There were already rumours that Marnie Roxy and Koffing were unhappy and wanted out.

Izumi's challenge got as close to bumping Prower in the Porsche Curves but even a Datsun can not run on fumes forever. She would pull into the pits; leaving Prower by his lonesome in the lead. With 30 points on offer for a race win, Prower knew that a win would propel him to the top of the standings. In the not quite decade that he had been running in The Goof, he had never been top of the stack and even his race wins were only a brace. This race was not to be that wish fulfilled as going through Dunlop, he kissed a wall on corner exit and exploded a rear right hand tyre. Not only did he have to replace the tyres but the misery of having to trudge all the way around from Terte Rouge back to the pits, added insult upon insult to injury. Prower would tumble back down the order to eleventh.

The running order at the end of Hour 1 was:
Miles Prower, Al Yankovic, Hatsune Miku, Bandit Heeler, Kerrod Edmunson, Billy Highbank, Sticks Baja, Jimmy Kohler, Tse Sakamoto, and Jeb Brown.

 

[Rollo75]

Le Mans 3 Hours - Hour 2:



After Prower's mishap at Dunlop, a whole slew of cars passed him down Mulsanne. When you are on three wheels then even speeds as relatively slow as 100mph are still very very sketchy.

Toyota had brought a late season update to their engine program here at Le Mans but Le Mans is a venue which has other ideas. Paxton Mann bit the dust on Lap 1, Prower exploded a tyre, Stick Baja just wasn't quick enough, Bob Nikoban had an awful weekend. This meant that all the hopes and dreams of Toyota lay in drivers who were not centrally contracted and the fastest of these was Goodsmile Racing's Hatsune Miku.

At the beginning of Hour 2, Miku was trailing Yankovic by 29 seconds. Yankovic as a dual champion was very obviously unconcerned as the margin progressively fell and was eaten up entirely. When Miku passed Yankovic going down Mulsanne, he duly moved to the right hand side of the road and let her have the nominal fast lane.

Yankovic's #62 resembled something like the Porsches which had rumbled around here in the late 1960s; while Goodsmile used a classic Japanese print and the official seal of the Goodsmile Corporation, set against a bluish tint to tie it all together. For the Toyota driver, this would be the first time that she had led a lap in 20X3 and for Yankovic, like so many in the top half of the standings, a win would send him straight to the top.

However like the Toyota drivers who were centrally contracted, Miku's afternoon would also eventually turn to dust. Her lead at the top of the standings was relatively short lived as the Toyota inexplicably lost power and at a track which demands full power for long periods, this is like a death knell. Yankovic would retake the lead four laps later going through White House, and Miku's steady fall back down to 29th would render her afternoon pointless. The team would also learn nothing about why the car mysteriously spluttered.



As the Le Mans 3 Hour is one of the four special events on the calendar, and with this year being the 100th anniversary of the running of the 24 Hour Race and the 75th anniversary of NASCAR; this was reason enough for The Goof to have all of cars decked out in "retro" liveries. Some of them threw back to other cars from motor racing's past, and others like Bernie Bernie's #97 threw back to a thing that never was.

Jack Raymond's #88 Holden, took on the style of the Holden Dealer Team from 1969, with the colours slightly altered and his own retro graphic emblazoned on the side. Holden's improved package which debuted at Mount Pocono, was fully implemented here and while Kane McKane would score a credible sixth place, none of the other Holden runners except for Jimmy Kohler who was running the older package, achieved very much for the weekend. At the end of the day, Raymond was visibly dejected as he stepped out of the car and the team packed up in silence as they left.

Robie Robie who runs the number 20, was very much aware of what that number at this place meant. For this race instead of his usual yellow, Robie ran a silver livery on his number 20, in memory of Pierre Levaegh who drive the same numbered Mercedes-Benz in 1955 when the most horrible tragedy in motor racing happened.

"Me wan pay tribute to da peoples who have been here before. Me run silver number 20 in memory of Pierre Levaegh who knew da risks. Me also wan remember da 80 peoples who did not go home dat day. Dey also knew dat motor racing id dangerous. We remember. We continue. We go on. We id racers. We id not monsters."
- Robie Robie, to U62-TV

However, Robie's car was shunted really early on in the race during the opening lap check up at Arnage. This affected the aero of his Falcon and it was never the same again. If he had hopes of a race win, they were dashed but his ninth place finish did pay points here.



For a brief period of time during the cycle of pitstops, Jeb Brown in the #99 Dodge found himself at the front of the field. The Dodge had lower end torque than most of the field but cars like the Mazda 989 of Tse Sakamoto could eventually chase it down, down high speed straights such as Mulsanne and the run towards Indianapolis.

Chrysler Corp. were kind of hovering in the background, offering pieces and parts to Jeb's Speed Shop gratis but the company did not go so far as to provide ongoing support for their Hemi 305 engine. To even hold the lead in a race like this, without having the budget or the backing of a works outfit is remarkable and to come seventh for the day is quite admirable.

Sakamoto wouldn't be as quick as the other Mazda runners for the day but the plucky Japanese driver remembered that old adage that "points win prizes" and he would collect 10 of them at the end of the day. Greg Rellings was faster than him over one lap but not over a string of them. Weirdly, the fastest Mazdas would be Eggman/MAD machines further up the pit lane. As the day wore on, it became ever more apparent that they were playing the long game and had tuned their cars nicely for the track.

Ford power was also steadily rising through the ladder as Bandit Heeler's Falcon and Billy Highbank's Mercury, both with Coyote power, traded purple sectors from Indianapolis to the stripe. Billy Highbank who had a clear run for a long time, wasn't quite able to pull out a fastest lap but the #51 Castrol Comet did occupy five of the top 20 fastest laps of the day.

Up front though, Kerrod Edmundson in his Dr Pepper ruby red Mazda, had pitted from fourth place, been released back into a clear space on the road and was blasting out very quick lap times despite having a full load of fuel on board. Time is sometimes won not on light fuel loads, or in the pits, but with foresight and strategy from the pit crew, as well as a generous amount of luck.

The running order at the end of the Second Hour was:
Kerrod Edmundson, Billy Highbank, Dr George Claw, Bandit Heeler, Tse Sakamoto, Dr Ivo Robotnik, Miles Prower, Jean-Luc Pikachu, Jimmy Kohler, Jeb Brown, Robie Robie, Bernie Bernie.

 

[Rollo75]

Le Mans 3 Hours - Hour 3:




The Brilliant Resources 15 chassis, as part of the Type 6.2 ruleset, allows for teams to install any 5000cc V8 engine, from any manufacturer, which is then mated to The Goof Hybrid system. Quite literally any set of front and rear facias and light clusters may appear over the top of any engine; including those that are unrelated. For the Le Mans 20X3, Mazda decided to not only go retro with their liveries but also their nose section on their Mazda 989s. The top section was in fact purely decorative, as closing the top of the grill made for less wind resistance down Mulsanne.

Not only after the two hour mark, Mazdas held the top four spots; with Kerrod Edmundson atop the standings in what may have looked like a repeat performance from four years' ago. This was not to be as the #23 machine was just not quite fast enough on the day.

Team Principal and five-tive Champion of The Goof, Nigel Levins, had allowed his chargers freedom in a range of settings including diff ratios and final drive. Le Mans is always a compromise between outright speed and the need to punch out of corners all the way from Mulsanne, through Indianapolis and Porsche, through White Hoand the pit complex, and all the way through Dunlop and to Terte Rouge. The subtle differences between similar bits of equipment, is ultimately what determined the final result of this race.

At about 3:17pm, Edmundson while leading, noticed that the two Mazdas of Claw and Robotnik were closing in on him, and that he was powerless to do anything about it. He could pull out some degree of distance from Indianapolis to the pit complex but that was progressively being chipped away down the very long straight. When Claw actually get latch onto the back of Edmundson, the speed differential was such that Edmundson simply realised that the fight was worthless.

As the man in black passed the ruby red rival, there was an almost friendly wave of a spiked Iron Fist from Claw. Edmundson repaid the gesture but Claw was already pulling off into the lead. One lap later, Dr Ivo Robotnik would also swoosh past, although he was sporting the regular season Mazda 989.

Behind these two out front and catching them both fast, was the blue Ford Falcon of Queensland's favourite son, Bandit Heeler. Or rather...



Bandit Heeler shed his usual Ford Sapphire Blue for Le Mans and instead adopted a Royal Queensland Maroon. Instead of sponsorship from big-box hardware store Hammerbarn, the car carried sponsorship from Castlemaine XXXX Breweries and their prime amber nectar which is sometimes considered the pride of Queensland. Queensland's favourite son carrying the livery of Queensland's favourite beer, couldn't have been more parochial for this faux-retro round. Unfortunately, all the hopes and dreams of the maroon state, failed and died in a sand bank at the end of Mulsanne.

As the dying embers of the race were glowing, they could still burn whoever was prepared to mess with them. Heeler had gone longer than everyone else at the last set of stops and this meant that the team could fill the car with less fuel and the Falcon had marginally fresher tyres than anyone else by virtue of pitting last. The net effect of this was that the maroon machine was about 3 seconds per lap faster than the cars ahead of him, and after passing Sakamoto and then Edmundson, he only had Robotnik and Claw to go.

However, Le Mans is no respecter of persons or fortunes, and it still had stories that it wanted to burn into peoples' memories. Discovering that you have a dead brake pedal at 220mph is a scary scary experience. Bandit Heeler made that discovery as he hit the rise before teh long braking zone at the end of the Mulsanne Straight. With no brakes the maroon Falcon was in serious trouble and after a brief discussion with his Crew Chief, Winston, he decided to throw the car into reverse and destroy the transaxle along with any chance of a race finish.

"It was the most surreal experience. I knew the race was over and we decided to junk it before we got involved in a serious prang. I chucked it in reverse, there was an explosion in the back, and we just had a giant fishtail down the end of the straight before I hooked it into the sand.

I just sat in the car for about a minute while some other cars went past and then it got real quiet. It was in that quiet that I truly realised, it was all over.
- Bandit Heeler, to U62-TV.

And so it was all over. With the car beeched and battered, and with cars passing him, any chance of scoring any points at all were gone. When the car refused to start and had to be towed away to safety, Heeler would have to wait for the Course Car to carry him home.



When four o'clock rolled around the chequered flag came out and greeted Bob Nikoban who came home in twentieth place; while the leader of the race Dr Ivo Robotnik was passing through Arnage.

When Robotnik crossed the line, he was almost a minute ahead of second placed Dr Claw, and had spent most of the previous half hour in relative calm with no-one around him. Such is the nature of endurance racing at a place like Le Mans, where one can spend extended periods alone with intervals of more than ten seconds between cars. Claw had realised that he wasn't immediately likely to breach the gap, as Team MAD and Eggman Industries which both operate out of the same shop and both build different aspects of each other's cars, are more similar than had they worked apart.

Robotnik's pass on Claw going through White House was unhurried and unmolested. You do not get to be a triple champion like Dr George Claw unless you finish a lot of races and putting a car into the fence or another car, does not help that end. Robotnik knew this. He also knew that the #10 machine was faster in a straight line; so any attempt to pass Claw going down Mulsanne as Claw had passed Edmundson, would be useless. Robotnik planned his attack over the course of several laps and by the time that it

From this point at 15:48 and with 12 minutes to go, the final result up front was baked in. Claw was quite happy with his second place. Four of the top five cars to cross the line were Mazdas and to peak at the double points rounds was most excellent. Claw was now within striking distance of the championship lead and this would be to add number four to the list.

Mazda should have been quite happy with their results for the afteroon. The only car of the top five that wasn't a Mazda, was the Mercury Comet of Billy Highbank. This car built by Team UZKA and then sent off to California for final race preparation, sounded decidedly different to the other Ford machinery in the race. Behind them, Kane McKane toiled away for a forgettable sixth place, Jeb Brown in the sole Dodge squeezed out Jimmy Kohler for seventh, Prower finally arrived home in ninth, and Konata Izumi in the lone Datsun cam home in tenth.

Results and Points Awarded Le Mans 3 Hours:

30 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
25 - Dr George Claw
20 - Kerrod Edumundson
15 - Billy Highbank*
10 - Tse Sakamoto
8 - Kane McKane
6 - Jeb Brown*
5 - Jimmy Kohler*
4 - Miles Prower
3 - Konata Izumi
2 - Jean-Luc Pikachu
1 - Walter Kronkyet

Top 20 After 16 Rounds:

49 Kayleigh McAlpine
45 Kane McKane
43 Jack Raymond
42 Dr George Claw
40 Morgan Inkling
39 Mario Mario
37 Dr Ivo Robotnik
35 Al Yankovic
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
30 Jean-Luc Pikachu
30 Miles Prower
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Asuka Langley
28 Tse Sakamoto
26 Bruno Gourdo
25 Walter Kronkyet
24 Bandit Heeler
22 Konata Izumi
21 Chloe Ankha
20 Kerrod Edmundson

Round 17 which is also a double points paying round, is the Bathurst 500 to be held on September 3rd.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 17 - The Bathurst 500

Part 1

Although spring arrived at Mount Panorama, the last tentacles of winter still had their grip on this geological oddity. Campers on top of the mountain were greeted with snow overnight on Friday and Saturday, and while the air was cold, the atmosphere was hot.

On Friday Practice, Le Mans winner Dr. Ivo Robotnik dumped a wheel in the dirt at MacPhillamy and speared headlong into the wall on the inside. This red flagged the session and the crew, rather than rebuilding the chassis, tried to transfer as much as they could to the backup car. Thus, for Saturday qualifying, teams were confused at seeing the number 313 on the timesheets.

During the Saturday qualifying session, teams which had gone out for early quick laps were rewarded handsomely. The session started at 3pm and at 3:14pm, the rain arrived, and by 3:49pm, the session was undriveable. By 4:30pm, the rain cleared and would remain that way for the rest of the weekend.



Pole sitter Walter Kronkyet led exactly zero laps. He led the field through Hell Corner as they turned and went up Mountain Straight for the first time but being on cold tyres, he was nervous under brakes going into Griffns Bend and that was the beginning of the end of his race.

Actually, the whole front end of the field was a giant flood of insanity for the first few laps or so, as Saturday qualifying had been very much rain affected and the cars that would have been up front, did not post a lap time until the downpour happened. The fastest lap to that point had been posted by Dr George Claw, but that was in Free Practice on Friday and on old tyres, minimal fuel loads and veyr close to the end of the day.

After Tse Sakamoto led Lap 1 before deliberately falling back to form a broad peloton with the other Mazda drivers, and Kurt Langer leading Lap 2 after pushing through the field with teammate Ellie McIllian close by, she decided to stamp her authority on this race. Only the Falcons of Bandit Heeler and Al Yankovic had the wherewithall to go with her and of those two, Yankovic brushed a kerb coming out of Skyline and belted the wall on the other side. The #62 Falcon pitted on lap 3; wherein Yankovic retired the car, got out and threw his helmet at the wall, before storming off into the paddock.

When being interviewed at the start of what would be a very long day of watching the rest of his team also achieve very little, he offered the reason for his retirement.
"...a combination of car watching... cold tyres... driver error... more driver error... gravity and physics. This place is just not forgiving. The mountain refuses to be tamed."
- Al Yankovic, to U62-TV.

At the close of Lap 3, some semblance of order had already been established with McIllan, Heeler, Claw up front, with Langer gently tumbling back down the standings.



On just Lap 4 when the race should have begun to settle into a groove, Jack Raymond tried an optimistic move going into The Chase, slid sideways through the exit, missed Hochi Samyang but tagged the read end of his own teammate, Kane McKane. McKane lost the rear end of the car, brushed the read of the car against a concrete barrier and this tore a half-shaft clean out of the transaxle.

The Holden team now had the issue of two of its cars coming into pitlane at once; with the #37 entry having lost drive through one wheel and the whole front airdam being damaged on the #88. McKane's car was wheeled into the garage and the door pulled down; while the crew frantically tore off the front of the #37 car and replaced the whole clip.

"He's an idiot. He's a ******* idiot."
- Kane McKane, while storming off into the garage.

As both cars had entered the pits almost immediately after the accident, there were no yellow flags and no cautions thrown. Race leader Walter Kronkyet wasn't even told that there had been an incident as his crew did not think that relevant.



After crossing it up badly at The Chase and having to pit for four fresh tyres, Raymond went a lap down. Whilst it is true that going down a lap at Bathurst is not an impossible margin to make back up, if there are safety cars and wave arounds that happen to fall your way, the task is still not an easy one and once you have got your lap back, you then have to fight through the field to get any kind of result.

The cat was reasonably jovial when speaking to the U62-TV commentary team inside the Holden:

"Yeah, there's was nothing wrong with the car. Sometimes you just try something... and it just goes horribly wrong. I don't think that I'm going to be in Kane's good books for a while. Crisp."
- Jack Raymond, to U62-TV

 

[Rollo75]

Part 2

Even though Raymond fought, the best that he could do all day was occasional glimpses inside the top ten and nothing beyond that. Having taken out McKane, he was without the first and most immediate source of help that he would rely upon. Also, As Mario Mario had a shocker of a day and Henri Cornelius who was the other of the three whom one might have expected to find held from, was also doing badly, Raymond's efforts for the day were futile.

Up front, Eliie McIllan had fought through the field and found herself clinging to the back of Bandit Heeler. Heeler didn't quite have the terminal speed down Conrod but across the top of the mountain, he could pull out a considerable distance by the time he got to Skyline.

On lap 20, going into The Chase, McIllan who had got an excellent run coming down the mountain and who had gotten an amazing burst of speed coming out of Forrest's Elbow, stayed on the far left of the circuit and Heeler had no choice but to tuck the nose of his blue Falcon in behind her black one. Being only lap 20 though, he wasn't prepared to put up a fight and she wasn't prepared to force the issue.

After the pit cycle on lap 31, McIllan's lead was gone as slick pit crewing from Team MAD sligshotted Dr George Claw to the lead. Team MAD is a well refined operation and made the Heeler Bros. and McIllan Racing look like amateur hour. The #10 car had come second at Le Mans and was hoping to do one better at Bathurst. These are the races from which to close out championships.



The whole field had finished pitting by lap 39; with the last group of stragglers being Konata Izumi, Jeb Brown, and Al Yankovic. There is about a 50 second transit time through the pits, as pit lane is quite long and a full fuel stop and four tyres is the only ever strategy employed. Staying out for as long as possible is then a case of resource management and trying to win time through economy.

Brown had come off a very credible seventh place at Le Mans and the car was looking equally as solid here at Bathurst. He held the lead for a while before Izumi snuck up the inside at Forrests Elbow; which was precipitated by the return of the U62 Falcon, some 35 laps down. Yankovic would turn laps for the remainder of the day, with no hope whatsoever of any points at all, in what now amounted to a free practice session for him. Izumi pitted on Lap 38, which left Brown out by himself and he was passed for the lead by Claw on Lap 39, before he too pitted.

Claw's lead over McIllan blew out to almost a minute as the two of them traded time back and forth and with the two of them stablised up front, the surprise package of the race was Strong Bad in the Tam UZKA prepared #78 Warm Ones Falcon. After starting the race so far down the order that he didn't even see the start line when the green flag dropped, it was a series of solid laps that saw him outclass many of the more monied rivals.

By Lap 50, Bad had worked his way to the back of Koffing and Go Mifune and the points paying positions. Back here were also the Blue Sky Mining Falcon of Stripe Heeler and his brother Bandit who occupy seventh was midly out of sequence and would bounce back up the standings.



Towards the middle of the race, a strange thing happened. Almost without warning, Levins Racing pitted their two cars and Team OSKO also pitted theirs. Goodsmile Racing who were in the broad peloton, sensed that something was up and the #00 Toyota of Hastune Miku also pitted.

The reason for pitting roughly halfway through an expected pit cycle was not only to put their car off cycle but to make use of any tactical advantage that might be gained if there was a major calamity. As these cars were hovering around the late teens, then losing a bit of time seemed worth the effort of it meant that when everyone else pitted, they could blast past them while stationary. In this cycle, when cars were pitting at about lap 62 and then 91, this group pitted on lap 77.

They collectively fell to about the mid-20s and realistically none of them had a shot at actually winning the race but doing nothing different would absolutely ensure that their race would be for nought.

Invariably Muki would lead the group as the Toyota was running hotter than it ought to and staying in clear air meant that engine temperatures could be managed better. Although nothing was said to the crews of the Mazdas, they more or less accepted this as the status quo.

Heartbreak for Tse Sakamoto came on lap 105 though, when there was a thud from the engine bay and a sudden flameout which led to an immediate loss of power. Telemetry showed that he was only running on five cylinders and after valiantly wheeling the #58 machine all the way from Mountain Straight to the pits, the team pushed the car into the garage and shut the door. There would be no investigation to see what had happened until all of the cars were transported back home to HQ in Hiroshima.



Pit stop strategy is a moving feast and is usually influenced by cautions and yellow flags. Apart from a local caution in The Chase on Lap 4, the only incidents were drivers missing Hell Corner and diving up the escape road or doing similar at Murrays Corner. What made this 500 mile race remarkable was that there were no Pace Car periods at all. As such, this handed strategy back to the crew chiefs.

On lap 101, there were three drivers who had not yet pitted for the run home to the chequers. Billy Highbank's Mercury Comet was sining sweetly but he could not shake the Datsun of Konata Izumi or the Dodge of Jeb Brown. Izumi and Brown had been swapping positions relative to each other all day; with the Blue Datsun spending the majority of the time in front. Brown simply preferred to stay behind because this allowed him to retain a rhythm.

A sneaky set of moves had happened on Lap 100 when going into The Cutting, Highbank stuck a nose in and went underneath Brown before closing the door going through Reid Park and then he caught Izumi's draught heading down Conrod. Now that he was in front, Izumi tucked up behind him and Brown did likewise behind her. The three of them waited for the others to blink but none of them pitted on the close of Lap 100, then all three pitted on Lap 101.

The inheritor of the lead, through strategy in the pit cycle, was Bandit Heeler; who having passed both McIllan and Claw in the pits, was fourth when on the other side of the rise of the hill coming out of The Chase, it was as if the clouds parted and a golden sky and the sweet silver sound of a lark greeted him. He was not credited with leading lap 101 but he was the first to cross the line out on track.

 

[Rollo75]

Part 3



Dr George Claw had assumed the lead of the race on Lap 31 and quite frankly, the works Mazda effort and its satellite were looking silly. Sakamoto expired on lap 105 and it now looked like the peloton of Mazdas (and Miku) who were now occuiying 2nd through to 5th would be shown up. They pitted on Lap 107 but now found themselves still inside the top ten.

This mini-race within a race proved to be intriguing, as Inkling and Rellings respectfully traded track position and places but the surprise packet was Judge John Judd in the #14 Mazda, was more than easily holding his own. As the son of James Judah Judd, Judge John will inherit the reins of the OZKO conglomerate, which produces everything from sporting goods, to foodstuffs, to industrial machinery, and even weaponry. This quietly spoken cat, is often seen in the paddock talking to mechanics and engineers, with an intense look of seriousness.

The two Team OSKO cars couldn't be any more different. Inkling pounds her car across the top of the mountain and will wag the tail on occasion; which all the flair of a prize-fighter who is constantly looking for a kill. Judd on the other hand, stalks and assesses his moves; shadowing and harrying his opponents.

Rellings had very little idea of what to do with two very different drivers in similar machinery to his own, behind him. With five-time champion Nigel Levins, as Team Principal, in his ear, Rellings held off the barrage, passed Miku on lap 127 and would even pass Stron Bad on lap 128 of 128 as the #78 Falcon driver was worried about making it home on fuel. Collectively the gamble paid off as Rellings, Miku, Judd and Inkling would finish 4th, 6th, 7th and 8th respectively.



Claw was faster than Heeler but due to the fact that Heeler met traffic first and it then had to get out of the way for him, it was generally not as helpful for the three cars a few seconds further back down the road. Heeler's lead, despite having a marginally slower car throughout the sectors on a clean run, blew out to almost a minute.

Claw was further slowed down by being forced to defend against Ellie McIllan, who having been a previous winner of this race, was already adept at making strategy work. The two champions proved why they were in fact worthy of their titles and for a full 19 laps, we saw Dr George Claw, the triple champion, under a barrage of attack from Ellie McIllan. She clearly had the traction out of every corner but as track position is everything she could not find a way through.

The breakthrough came on Lap 120 when coming out of Griffins Bend, Claw, McIllan, and Bad, came upon Judge John Judd who was this stage in seventh and trying to fight his own battle with Hatsune Miku. He moved over to the far left of the circuit which forced the three behind to take to the right and then McIllan pounced under brakes going into The Cutting. Claw who was defenceless, especially through this part of the track, surrendered the position but Strong Bad behind, wasn't so lucky to get through the open door.

McIllan at this point was like a cork flying from a bottle. She was gone and off and flying. That first sector after which she was unleashed, she took out two seconds from Heeler alone but beyond that, the appearance of purple sectors on the monitors immediately sent Heeler's crew into tactical defence mode. As Heeler was also on a lowering fuel load, he could respond.



The last 8 laps of the race saw Ellie McIllan after having passed Dr Claw, marginally eat into the gap built up but Heeler but there was no way that she was going to catch him. The lead after having been whittled down to 30 seconds, hovered at around that mark until the end of the race as they matched each other lap for lap. Bandit knew that he had the car underneath him and with fuel loads dropping off all the time, he was only getting quicker.

The margin of victory eventually blew out to 37 seconds as McIllan backed off in the final few laps. Heeler was not going to be caught and McIllan played the sensible game to bring the car home safely. Not only did Bandit win the Bathurst 500 but he did so emphatically. In the end this was a popular win; with Queensland's favourite son winning on home soil.

Bandit Heeler won the most coveted race on the calendar as far as he was concerned, but the win propelled him to second place in the table. Being 8 points behind Dr. Claw with three rounds to go, is certainly within striking distance of the championship.

At the top of the table Dr Geoge Claw consolidated his lead with a solid podium. For him, the race win at Bathurst ceased to be important once it was obviously out of reach. Fighting for second place when third place paid more than a regular round win, was incentive enough to drive sensibly, and when that too was impossible then scoring points still remained a priority.

Points Awarded Round 17:

30 - Bandit Heeler
25 - Ellie McIllan
20 - Dr George Claw
15 - Greg Rellings
10 - Strong Bad
8 - Hatsune Miku
6 - Judge John Judd
5 - Morgan Inkling
4 - Koffing
3 - Go Mifune
2 - Claude de Rouge
1 - Asuka Langley Soryu

Top 20 After 17 Rounds:

62 Dr George Claw
54 Bandit Heeler
49 Kayleigh McAlpine
45 Kane McKane
45 Morgan Inkling
43 Jack Raymond
39 Mario Mario
37 Dr Ivo Robotnik
36 Ellie McIllan
35 Al Yankovic
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
30 Jean-Luc Pikachu
30 Miles Prower
29 Asuka Langley
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Tse Sakamoto
26 Bruno Gourdo
25 Walter Kronkyet
22 Konata Izumi
21 Chloe Ankha

Round 18 will be held on September 17 in two weeks' time will be held in the Interdimensional Rift.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 18 - The Interdimensional Rift.

When East German scientists accidentally opened the Interdimensional Rift in the late 1980s, they had to lock down the facility to prevent the rift opening further. Access through the rift to a parallel world which is not that different to ours, exists only via that same facility, which is controlled by the UN. The ???? Speedway in the Interdimensional Rift is a three-quarter mile facility; built out of unknown substances.

As the sun never ever shines in the Interdimensional Rift, temperatures are always below freezing but tyre wear is practically non-existent. Most of the teams having been here before, have already collected data on the place and these Type 6.2 cars while being different to the General Norton Systems 55 Type 6.1 cars, run a range of settings which are similar.

Pole sitter Dr George Claw drew out to an early lead, with Jean-Luc Pikachu not that far behind him. Third place on the road was Ugly Arbuckle, who in a very short space of time is proving to be every bit as handy in that number 9 machine as his father was. Le Mans aside, the speed shown by Ugly in that orange Chevrolet is at least the equal as it always was.

Behind the leading trio, it was anyone's guess as to how the order would settle down, with cars streaming through both sets of turns going three and four wide. Turn 4 is curious as it has a divot on the inside of the circuit which tends to slow down cars a bit; which makes the groove of the racetrack not as obvious as it otherwise would be.



On lap 22 of 334, the field poured into Turn 4 and trouble poured out of it. Bandit Heeler who had qualified twenty-eighth in the quite frankly sub-sub-Arctic conditions of the Interdimensional Rift, was already up to seventh and storming his way upwards through the field. The Bathurst winner very obviously had a fast car and with the very cold track, had dialled it into the conditions and was gently drifting the car nicely through the turns.

His run through Turn 4 was overly optimistic and as he slipped up the racetrack, he hooked himself around the front of Tse Sakamoto; which sent both the Falcon and the Mazda 989 into the path of a very surprised Ellie McIllan. Three cars sliding across the front end of the field is never a recipe for anything sensible and cars and parts flew everywhere.

The first three immediate victims were Konata Izumi and Strong Bad who were both described as going out because of "accident" and Kane McKane who after barreling into Strong Bad, rolled around for another half lap and then was described as going out because of "clutch". In actual fact, the impact of running headlong into a maelstrom was enough to spear the propshaft through the transaxle.

Claude de Rouge would last another three laps before cracks in the radiator would eventually cause the engine to boil and seize. Hochi Samyang went out because of "Electrical". Robie Robie complained of a vibration and upon inspection discovered the the toe links on both the front and rear right quarters were broken. Asuka Soryu Langley had bent steering but decided that she could climb around the issues - that lasted about five laps before she too had had enough.

The middle of this race was one of those extended lulls where after having experienced chaos, the drivers were circumspect about wanting to try anything brash. Claw continued to lead out front like a Roman Emperor in triumph, while behind him as cars cycled in and out of the pits, the order remained mostly unchanged.



The decisive move which wrestled the lead away from Dr Claw, was when Henri Cornelius looped the Mobil 1 Holden around, going through Turn 3, on lap 294 of 334. This created a 30-odd lap showdown in which all the marbles were still left on the table they were all the to play for.

Dr Claw in a rare moment, flubbed the restart and by the time the field went diving into Turn 1, cars were already going 3 wide; with cars that were a lap down hoping to push others ahead so that they could get their lap back. On the outside, Stripe Heeler shoved Stanley Spidalski into the lead, in the hope that the two Falcons would link up and that Stripe would be let loose to try and roll around to get something from the race.

Instead, Eggatha Robotnik who correctly saw that she might be able to score a podium or even a race win, shoved Jean-Luc Pikachu to the front. Claw recognised where the rightful threat was coming from and swund down into the bottom lane but this merely served to open the top and Miles Prower who himself was being helped by fellow Team Yellow Toyota driveer Bob Nikoban, ran around the top and made his own fourth lane going into Turn 3 and then completed the move by rolling through Turn 4 and into second place with the extra momentum.

Claw was of course furious that he had been outsmarted by opportunism but could do nothing as Prower played tail-gunner for Pikachu who by the end of lap 296, was so far out in the distance that nothing was going to catch him and nothing did.



Team Yellow Toyota with five cars placed roughly evenly around the circuit, played an excellent game of holding up cars if it was necessary to keep Pikachu and Prower ahead. This also required Paxton Mann to play his part in what was only effectively his second proper outing in the car after Le Mans had been such a debacle. Sticks Baja and Bob Nikoban also did their part in holding up Claw and eventually Gourdo from coming too close.

Pikachu's race win was in the end deceptively easy; having lapped everyone in the field until ninth. That ninth car was in fact Sticks Baja who herself, had given up trying to score that last point in the effort to secure Pikachu's 15. Prower wasn't really that far behind Pikachu in the end but seemed to express displeasure to Team Principal Patrick Mann, as he would have preferred those five extra points for coming in first. This was despite the fact that he had never led a lap and even on that final restart he had to push his way past Eggatha Robotnik and Dr Claw to get there.

After the race, Jean-Luc Pikachu announced in the post-race interview that he would be hanging up his helmet for a second time; and that this win put him back into contention to maybe add a partner to his unexpected 20W0 championship, some 14 seasons ago. Exactly who would take over the spot at Team Yellow Toyota was uncertain as Team Principle Patrick Mann, said that he had plenty of viable hopefuls to fill the position. This race having fermented lots of unhapiness at Team Yellow Toyota, may just have given Team Principle Patrick Mann more trouble than he had counted on.

With only two rounds left in the season the sight of Dr George Claw at the top of the standings ought to instill fear into the chasing pack. As a three time champion, Claw has already proven that he can close out a season and while fourth place here wasn't stellar, the gap of 14 points over Bandit Heeler is almost the distance of an regular race weekend.

Points Awarded Round 18:

15 - Jean-Luc Pikachu
10 - Miles Prower
8 - Bruno Gourdo
6 - Dr George Claw
4 - Antione d'Tigerette
3 - Eggatha Robotnik
2 - Dr Ivo Robotnik
1 - Greg Rellings

Points Standings After 18 Rounds:

68 Dr George Claw
54 Bandit Heeler
49 Kayleigh McAlpine
45 Kane McKane
45 Morgan Inkling
45 Jean-Luc Pikachu
43 Jack Raymond
40 Miles Prower
39 Mario Mario
39 Dr Ivo Robotnik
36 Ellie McIllan
35 Al Yankovic
34 Bruno Gourdo
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
29 Asuka Langley
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Tse Sakamoto
25 Walter Kronkyet
22 Konata Izumi
21 Chloe Ankha

The penultimate Round 19 will be held on October 1 in two weeks' time; at Riverside, CA.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 19 - The Riverside 250

With the end of the season looming large, The Goof took a jet to the promised land and the sunny skies of California. This 2.62 mile road course nestled in the valleys to the east of the city of angels, is the place where dreams can be resurrected or fade and die.

Even with the reasonably long straights here, this place rewards cars whch have been set up to punch out of corners better, rather than streak down the straights with massive amounts of speed. Curiously, the fastest cars through the speed traps at the end of the back stretch, were the Chevrolets of Jessie Musashi and Kayleigh McAlpine; even though neither of them, and in fact no Chevrolet, would score a point this weekend.



In qualifying, pole sitter Bernie Bernie had pipped Paxton Mann and local promotor's pick Billy Highbank, by 0.002 seconds. The total gap between the top three was just 0.007 seconds; of over the course of one lap, a mere 15 inches.

Bernie Bernie by virtue of winning the pole, started on the inside of the circuit which meant that he was in a compromised position going into the kink left and the the curve right, at the start. Billy Highbank who saw the squabble in front of him, sat behind the Camry and Commodore and waited until almost the end of the back stretch, when be pulled out of the draft and then took a higher line around the Carousel, to lead Lap 1.

Highbank's Team UZKA prepared Mercury Comet, is mostly identical to the Ford Falcon FH which is the default by Ford teams this year, except that having a very slightly different nose on the front means that there might be a downforce advantage. Whatever the case, he slowly faded off into the distance as Mann and Bernie's squabble hurt each other and cost them time.

This should have been a flag to flag victory for the Californian and in fact he was not challenged at all for the lead. What ultimately cost him the lead of the race was an uncoordinated pit crew who screwed up the second pit stop; relegating the Mercury driver from first to tenth.



The peloton of cars which passed Highbank during the second pit cycle, was an absolute tornado of grievance and hatred which had been building since lap 3. Paxton Mann was having screen run for him by Sticks Baja; even though in the grand scheme of things, it was of zero consequence in the championship. With an impending change of rulesets for 20X4 and contract negotiations still being up in the air, Baja wanted to show that she would be a good fit for lead driver for Team Yellow Toyota in 20X4.

While running screen for the boss's son, she was being given the hustle via bumper morse code by Eggatha Robotnik. With literally nothing to play for and nothing to lose, Eggatha was determined to make a nuisance of herself and take away some points. Her run for the day would bounce no higher than fourth and no lower than seventh, and she would close out the last lap by rolling the outside of the Carousel just as she had seen Highbank on Lap 1, to slingshot around both Paxton Mann who had fallen from the top and Hatsune Miku who had an anonymous climb from thirty-third to seventh. Eggatha Robotnik's fifth place was good reward.

However it was the from of this angry mess which eventually saw three cars uncorked and race away for the lead. Those three were Kane McKane who had been repeatedly roughed up by Robie Robie, Robie Robie himself, and Jack Raymond who spent the entire afternoon bellyaching on the radio about how the car was tight, or loose, or pushing, or unstable, or which had mysterious vibrations coming from everywhere. Raymond was having an angry day.



The tale of that angry day eventually grew calmer as it became apparent that the two Holdens of McKane and Raymond were faster if they worked in tandem down the straights and threw out their elbows at the top end of the circuit. Working together, they pulled each other from the mires of eleventh and twelfth, to being six and seventh at the final set of pit stops. As Raymond came in first and McKane lost the draft and came in a lap later, this meant that McKane ended up several seconds behind.

The plan at the final set of pitstops was simple. McKane could chase down Raymond for the race win and steal away 5 points from him, or hang back and give them both a passing shot at Claw for the title. With 30 points on offer at the final round, getting within about 15 was worth the effort and by McKane holding back, they were both in that window.

After slicing past Patrick Mann, Eggatha Robotnik and Robie Robie, Jack Raymond found himself stuck behind Miles Prower's Toyota as he was running as tail gunner for Stick Baja. This allowed McKane to close the gap and going into the top pair of turns, McKane muscled Raymond out of the way and then divebombed Baja. She was thrown hideously off line and given that the very long straight before the kink and Carousel is very wide, she was a sitting target. Raymond found that passing Baja, was in the end, a fait accompli.

This now left Raymond in second and still having his angry day. While car-to-car communication is not a thing, messages were relayed between the two drivers and after the boffins on the pit boxes had played calculator games, they came to the conclusion that Raymond winning the race would put him only 10 points behind Claw in the championship; so they asked McKane to move over. He did, and silently.

All that was left was for Raymond to bring the #88 Telecom Holden to victory; which he very nearly didn't do because on lap 94 of 95, while trying to put a lap on Hatsune Miku, he clumsily ran into the back of her. Miku moved to the inside of the circuit and gave Raymond plenty of room but he still tried to tale the inside line. This bump was suffciently large enough that water temperatures in the Holden skyrocketed and post-race inspection revealed that he had in fact cracked the radiator. Lap 95 was then a limp home lap; where McKane was ordered to try and hold up Robie Robie if it came to that. The #88 Holden crossed the line and then helpfully expired on the exit of Turn 1; rather than 400 yards earlier.

"There was no way I was going to win that without a ton of help from McKane, from the team, from everyone.
The car was never perfect all weekend but sometimes, destiny, fate, and providence all smile on you... crisp."
- Jack Raymond, to U62-TV.

With 30 points on offer on the sands of Daytona Beach, the championship is still potentially open to anyone who has accumulated 39 points and above this season; of whom there are nine.

Points Awarded Round 19:

15 - Jack Raymond
10 - Kane McKane
8 - Robie Robie
6 - Sticks Baja
4 - Eggatha Robotnik
3 - Paxton Mann
2 - Hatsune Miku
1 - Kurt Langer

Top 20 After 19 Rounds:

68 Dr George Claw
58 Jack Raymond
55 Kane McKane
54 Bandit Heeler
49 Kayleigh McAlpine
45 Morgan Inkling
45 Jean-Luc Pikachu
40 Miles Prower
39 Mario Mario
39 Dr Ivo Robotnik
36 Ellie McIllan
35 Al Yankovic
34 Bruno Gourdo
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
29 Asuka Langley
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Tse Sakamoto
25 Walter Kronkyet
25 Sticks Baja
22 Konata Izumi

The rumour mill and the silly season have started to grind spice in earnest. The first casualty of this year's silly season is Chloe Ankha, who was informed that there will not be a place for her at Team Yellow Toyota in 20X4. Two days later, Sticks Baja and Miles Prower were also been given the cut. Exactly where they are to land is still unknown but what is known is that Team Yellow Toyota has four positions slated, and these three drivers will not be there.

Round 20, the last and final round, will be held at Daytona Beach Road Course, in two weeks' time, on October 15.

 

[Rollo75]

Round 20 - The Finale at Daytona Beach

With 30 points on offer for the winner at Daytona Beach, the 20X3 season had one of the deepest level of possibility of who could still take the title. Ten drivers theoretically still had a shot at glory:

68 Dr George Claw
58 Jack Raymond
55 Kane McKane
54 Bandit Heeler
49 Kayleigh McAlpine
45 Morgan Inkling
45 Jean-Luc Pikachu
40 Miles Prower
39 Mario Mario
39 Dr Ivo Robotnik

Complaints were very rudely made on Saturday morning when clouds appeared out over the ocean. Had it rained here, then the beach section of the track would be actually undrivable and even after much compacting it would take a fortnight of clear weather to render the surface useful again. Teams budgets which had been stretched to 20 rounds this season were perhaps not apt to deal with two weeks of staying in hotels in Florida.

Before the beginning of the weekend, some details about what 20X4 would look like had emerged. Sticks Baja would be leaving Team Yellow Toyota to join the General Motors team, whereas Miles Prower had signed a deal with BlueCat racing to drive whatever brand they would be running. Both would be taking their respective numbers #6 and #7 respectively with them. Also Robie Robie would also be at BlueCat after Ford's commitment to run six cars among three teams meant that he would be a free agent.




The possibility of who could win the title was blown wide open on Saturday, when Dr George Claw blew a tyre and broke a transaxle in Qualifying and was forced to start stone motherless last. As his Friday time had been well inside the 43 necessary for the two lap shootout, his Saturday time was noted as 99:59:59.

A comeback result which would have involved driving through the field all day was not an impossible task but highly difficult. Effectively Claw's destiny was in the hands of the other 42 drivers out there. He was not happy. The mathematical gymnastics required to work out how far he needed to be ahead of whom, were just too hard.

It did not help that on lap 1, Donkey Kong in the Holden and Miles Prower who was also way way down the order, made it their mission for the day to hold back the man in black. Prower probably could have had a tilt at the big dance himself, but this very quickly devolved into a meaningless scrobble in the sand, as he had an awful qualifying run. Kong was in possession of an REC but did not have a manufacturer hook-up for 20X4; so he was using this disappointing weekend as a chance to display his wares as a useful team player. What better way to help a teammeate, than to totally screw up someone else's weekend?

For 20X4, seven manufacturers signed up to supply six regular season cars each, in theory. In practice, they would be GM, Ford, Toyota, Mazda, and whoever BlueCat, McAlpine Motorsport, and MAD/Eggman and whatever the #61 & #97 teams were doing. There were open spots at Mazda, GM (which hadn't even decided which badge would be on next year's cars, Blue Cat who had made a deal with PSA Group, and McAlpine Motorsport which had already built six cars to the 20X4 spec with their own proprietory engine but no branding deals.

Konata Izumi who was possibly the first to break ranks about here 20X4 plans, in that she would be driving for the new McAlpine Motorsport team in whatever form that that would take, was out to make a nuisance of herself and put her Datsun in places which just gave Claw the irrits.

Out front, pole sitter Henri Cornelius was aiming to just occupy the lead because that would be 30 points which the opposition would not have. As Cornelius was more or less confirmed to be a Blue Cat driver for 20X4, he also wanted to impress his new employer.



As it was generally accepted that tyre wear was not going to be a factor, as the whole field was running the harder A-Compound tyres, then this race if it was going to be determined by pitstops, would depend on the trade-off between running heavy and long, or running light but quicker. The problem here was that Team Yellow Toyota gave the game away with Sunday Morning Happy Hour by sending all of their cars fully filled and then every crew chief up and down the pit lane, worked out how much fuel they used when they came in during tech inspection. Team Principal Patrick Mann conceded the point that his decision was deliberate; to try and force everyone's hand so that fuel strategy wouldn't be a layer of complexity. It worked. At a shade over 400 miles, everyone would be stopping twice.

Cornelius led the field before the first round of green flag pitstops and while he cycled back into 6th place, he would again assume the lead after the cars in front also made their stops. On lap 54, Jack Raymond who had been there or thereabouts in the top five all day long, breezed past the Mobil 1 Commodore and the beginning of the endgame was set in place. All Cornelius had to do, was play tail gunner and protect what should have been champion assumptive. This did not play out.

Eggatha Robotnik's Mazda expired heading on the down run to the South Turn and this brought out a caution on lap 57. Nominally this was too early to make a final run for the flag but everyone up and down pit plane worked their abacuses furiously and some cars came in while some did not.
At the restart, Billy Highbank who had not taken on fuel but had taken fresh tyres, was ready to go and ready to burn. He was followed in quick time by the three Fords of Yankovic, Spidalski and Heeler. Suddenly, Raymond was back in sixth place; which didn't pay enough points to overtake Claw in the championship. Raymond's radio chatter for the rest of the day is quite frankly, unprintable in any polite circle.

As for Bandit Heeler in the #17 Hammerbarn Falcon, he was well aware that a podium place would be enough to secure a title and so he did his best to try to get past the pair of Falcons and the Mercury in front of him. He hoped that they might be sympathetic and work together as part of some sense of manufacturer's pride but the only help he got, was the harrying of Raymond by Chloe Anhka who had not done enough to secure her 20X4 seat and was livid.

The quiet story of this restart was that of Kayleigh McAlpine who had been nowhere for most of the day, had gone a lap down and started on the inside at the restart. When she passed Billy Highbank going into the North Turn on lap 58, it was merely to get her lap back and get a clean track to view a very very distant 13th who was alomost three miles away.

By lap 66 and the expected second round of pitstops, Team Uzka with Yankovic and Spidalski were holding the lead and may have been set for a 1-2 form finish but that did not play out either.



When Judge John Judd in the second of the Team OSKO Mazdas looped his car on lap 91 in front of the entrance to pit lane and became bogged in the sand, caution had to be brought out so that tractors could extricate and dig out the beached car on the beach. Whatever advantage that Yankovic may have had, it was completely obliterated.

Even if Yankovic had won the race, he had started some 33 points adrift and so at best he could have been runner up. As this race was more of a dead rubber for him than anything else, he wasn't as desperate as he otherwise might have been. Thus on the restart on lap 93, McAlpine, Kohler and Baja all passed him going down the racetrack towards the South Turn.

McAlpine was perhaps more nervous than she otherwise should have been and held the lead for laps 93 and 94 but not lap 95. Kohler had already tried to go under her going through the North Turn and fearing that his part-time experience would lead to chaos, McAlpine was worried that he would dive-bomb her in the South Turn and take them both out. He did not.

She held a line which would normally be a second groove but Kohler, making use of the stopping power of the tyres on the sand, braked deeper going into the turn, crossed under he and appeared to lose it, but powered out on a different arc which nobody had used. McAlpine tried to force Kohler wider but he was already pointing straighter back up the beach than she was, and her feeble attempt merely caused contact, a loss of momentum and forced her to immediately be on the defensive from Baja.

Kohler who drew out a length of five car lengths, never surrendered the lead and reeled off laps 95 to 100, and became the first driver to win as a wildcard. He would not be eligible for the points but he was eligible for the $$3m which was on offer for the winner.

"This is fantastic. This is terrific. You can't explain how good... I just want to thank everyone at Coca-Cola, at Holden... yeah, we won!"
- Jimmy Kohler, to U62-TV.

The really unexpected result was that Kayleigh McAlpine after having had a purple patch in the middle of the season, and who had never led the championship at any point, with the second place here, suddenly found herself as the 20X3 Champion. In her fifth season, having started as a privateer with borrowed equipment, she was now standing on the very top of the hill.

"I cannae believe it. You work and you work and you never think you're going to get there. When you do... I don't know what this is like. We've finally done it!"
- Kayleigh McAlpine, to U62-TV.

Points Awarded Round 20:
30 - Jimmy Kohler*
25 - Kayleigh McAlpine
20 - Sticks Baja
15 - Al Yankovic
10 - Strong Bad
8 - Billy Highbank*
6 - Henri Cornelius
5 - Bandit Heeler
4 - Stanley Spidalski
3 - Chloe Ankha
2 - Hochi Samyang
1 - Jack Raymond

Complete Final Standings for 20X3:

74 Kayleigh McAlpine
68 Dr George Claw
59 Jack Raymond
59 Bandit Heeler
55 Kane McKane
50 Al Yankovic
45 Morgan Inkling
45 Jean-Luc Pikachu
45 Sticks Baja
40 Miles Prower
39 Mario Mario
39 Dr Ivo Robotnik
36 Ellie McIllan
34 Bruno Gourdo
32 Garfield Arbuckle Jr.
29 Asuka Langley
28 Bob Nikoban
28 Tse Sakamoto
27 Strong Bad
25 Walter Kronkyet
24 Chloe Ankha
22 Konata Izumi
22 Robie Robie
22 Stanley Spidalski
21 Kerrod Edmundson
20 Greg Rellings
18 Hochi Samyang
16 Oglivy Hedgehog
16 Patrick Mann
15 Stripe Heeler
14 Hatsune Miku
13 Eggatha Robotnik
12 Bernie Bernie
12 Marnie Roxy
11 Koffing
9 Donkey Kong
9 Judge John Judd
7 Go Mifune
7 Henri Cornelius
6 Jessie Musashi
6 Antoine D'Tigrette
5 Claude de Rouge
2 Ricardo Sasquini
1 Kurt Langer


As with all seasons, when the music stops playing and all fades away into the past, the only things remaining are names written in the record books. The Goof Management yet again presses the Delete Key on another season and its place remembers it not.

The first round of the 20X4 season will be held on Sunday 31st December.
The engines and drivetrains remain a 5L hybrid but the chassis will change to the Bristol Resilient 09 (BR09). A provisional calendar will be produced by Dec 27.

 

[Rollo75]

Tentative 20X4 Calendar:

R01 31/12/2023 Daytona, FL
R02 14/01/2024 Atlanta, GA
R03 28/01/2024 Kansas City, KA
R04 11/02/2024 Richmond, VI
R05 25/02/2024 Silverstone, GBR

R06 17/03/2024 Talledega, AL
R07 31/03/2024 Darlington, SC
R08 14/04/2024 Bowman Gray Stadium, NC
R09 28/04/2024 Calder Park, AUS
R10 12/05/2024 Sandown, AUS

R11 02/06/2024 Cardboardland, JF
R12 16/06/2024 Monza, ITA
R13 30/06/2024 Spa-Francorchamps, BEL
R14 14/07/2024 Le Mans, FRA*
R15 28/07/2024 Bathurst, AUS*

R16 18/08/2024 Fuji Speedway, JAP
R17 01/09/2024 Three Sevens Speedway, JAP
R18 15/09/2024 Interdimensional Rift, ???
R19 29/09/2024 Riverside, CA
R20 13/10/2024 Daytona Beach, FL*

Pts: 15-10-8-6-4-3-2-1
*Pts: 30-20-15-10-8-6-4-3-2-1

 

[Jebrown]

The schedule looks great, but going from Cardboardland all the way to Monza? I'm glad I don't have to drive that truck.

 

[Rollo75]

As far as I am aware, the State of Jefferson is fly-in and fly-out only.

Steel Canyon and Cardboardland are canonically in Jefferson.